hi were to start i don t know if this is who i am suppose to send this to but i m not very good with talking to ppl or sending emails. In my early 20s i seemed to start feeling very strange like i wasn t normal but i didn t know why i told my family and friends for years that something wasn t right with me but everyone just told me i was silly so i done nothing about it till i met my boyfriend who im with now he was very understanding for a time so i went to doctors and they sent me for blood tests which then i had to have a thyroid scan which came out that i had graves. i don t know if this can just disappear but over a few years i stopped going for blood tests and stopped taking my medication . Over that period i started feeling very depressed which i just put down to my thyroid. Things seemed to get worse so i went back to the doctors and they said i was depressed. i must of had several different types of antidepressants but nun of them helped or did anything that made me feel any different i just felt like i didn t want to live anymore couldn t get out of bed and wouldn t do and didn t do much of anything apart from sleep. As time went on i just couldn t be bothered to go back every month to the doctors to get tablets that didn t do anything for me and i did believe me take way more than the recommended dose just to see if that helped which it didn t have any affect on me at all. My moods were bad i went from highs for days then weeks i would just be down fed up angry frustrated lonely even though my kids and my boyfriend were always there. over this time of about 15 years i just put it down to its just me i did go back to the doctors eventually and had another blood test which said my thyroid was normal even though i hadn t taken my meds for this for about 5 years strange i thought . over these past 4 years i have looked up my problems online with no success on finding out what my problem is i am normal a bubbly person but sometimes which these days is more often than not i am moody nasty and i hate myself for being like this i hear my kids calling me when they are not which i didn t put down to anything much i smell things that are not there i feel like screaming most of the time and often tell my kids i m leaving cos i cant cope with them anymore my boyfriend bless him has patients like a saint because i really am very mean and nasty to him most of the time i don t want sex anymore with him i pick on him a lot but then sometimes not a lot but sometimes i m nice to everyone very helpful to ppl and generally nice my kids say to me you ok mum why you being nice i just say am i not aloud to be nice. Recently i looked up something else that caught my eye about bipolar and i read some of the things it says about the signs and i told my kids and my boyfriend about this they laughed at me and told me i was silly i don t know what to do anymore i never feel normal ever and i don t seem to be getting any better what can i do. Iv probably left out a lot of stuff but at this moment i cant seem to remember things i need to say. I hope this is enough for you to at least help me in the right direction to getting help that i need.