I can understand your anguish, though only incompletely as I do not have Type I DM. However, each one of us has his/her own unique personal battles to fight and personal demons to overcome.
Living with a chronic illness can be very difficult. It can be especially painful when you do not have complete control over it, and if it constantly occupies your mind. In that sense, your feelings of anxiety
I appreciate your statement that you are trying to control it the best you can. That really is the best we can do, isn't it? We can control that which is in our hands.
Sometimes we succeed, sometimes not. So long as we have tried our best, we have the right to feel proud of our effort. Possibly therein lies the key for you, Albert. Life is about doing our best, and accepting whatever the result may be.
When you feel guilty about how an episode of coma
may affect your friends, try to remember that there is no reason for you to feel undeserved
guilt. The fact that you have Type I DM is not your fault. Please consciously guard yourself from accepting guilt which you have yourself done nothing to deserve.
It is true that sometimes the challenges of life (whether it be dealing with a chronic illness, a life-threatening tumour, or failure in an examination) can become overwhelming for anyone. If that is the case, please do not hesitate to ask for help, whether from a friend, a family member or a mental health professional.
Finally, ask yourself again if your goal should be to live a supposedly 'normal' life. Should not the goal be to achieve the highest potential that is available to you? ALL of us have limitations - some have small limitations, while others have to deal with incredible huge limitations. Happiness comes from doing the best you can within whatever your individual unique limitations (and strengths) may be.
All the best.
Dr. Saifuddin Kharawala