Question: Dear Dr Bishnoi, Things just keep getting worse. I had a bad fight again with my son.He prefers to live with his Dad and that is very very hurtful for me. I don't really want any contact with him except for his help with moving. That doesn't seem to be happening too.My friend seems to want me to do all these things and U frankly don't give a shit about going shopping or getting out of bed..I just want to be left alone but she is not allowing that..I dont want to go to her business and I don't want to do anything.My old landlord is not responding to my texts and so I still don't have my stuff. I need to get my passports again as I lost them..I was in really bad shape at the end of last week and the police were called and I still take a lot of pills whenI have them..all I want to do is sleep my life away..I wisH both XXXXXXX and XXXXXXX were still with me but they are not so there is nothing to wake up for...I Just want to be asleep..

XXXXXXX and I made up but now I am wondering if XXXXXXX doesn't love me anymore because he thinks that I am crazy because I took pills. That was way last February though and I know his wife had to take some medicines for anxiety and depression.Maybe he thinks I am too crazy for him...my friend with the restraining order blog told me not to ever contact him that it would just look bad for me..when I found out that the judge had ruled in favor of XXXXXXX on Thursday it was too much for me..I don't have any more medicines or I would take them. I don't want to be awake..I just couldn't go to my friend's business one more day..its too hard and too much to be with her every day but then I don't get out..a friend in a Christian ministry said that there is no way to know how God will work with XXXXXXX and me and she didn't have any answers either. I wish that God would show me if XXXXXXX cares or even thinks about me even a little bit...maybe he has another girlfriend and is cured now and just thinks I am the crazy lady he once knew..he was talking so crazy the last time we saw him I have a hard time believing that he is fine but maybe he is fine and has a new girlfriend..that would be unbearable for me..

I have to wait four and a half months but am being told XXXXXXX will just file another injunction on me. in the bible God told a prophet XXXXXXX I believe that King XXXXXXX was a man after God's own heart. Every time XXXXXXX came into my home in my gut I heard "this is a man like King XXXXXXX a man after My(God's) own Heart." Every time he came into my home until it got really annoying and only when he came into my home. My friend Diane said that she would have a hard time believing he was from Satan but to try to stop figuring things out. Elsewhere in tje bible it says, " As high as the heavens are above the earth so are My thoughts above your thoughts. My ways above your ways." I just don't know if we will ever get to Israel. Without the ticket money I cannot get to Israel and i would rather be there than here. if I can't be with XXXXXXX I would rather be over there. I am going to have to keep calling XXXXXXX to get the Iranian doctor to sign the sheet and send it back to me,,,not even sure XXXXXXX is interested in coming anymore, He got a bike and a job... If XXXXXXX married me I would be an instant Israeli citizen but that can't happen now unless he gets help...I try to not thimk of him but I think of him a lot every day...
Yikes. I didnt mean u didnt give a s@#t about me I meant I didnt give a crap about anything,,,you care or at least you seem to..I am also struggling so much physically alone and in so much physical pain. I thought maybe I was going to be getting my good bed but that isn't going to happen either. no one to help me and the old landlord is not responding very much. Its so hard not being able to do anything but lie in bed. I wish my son was still with me...but he lives ten miles away and has a job where he lives not near where I live. I hate my life. Laid up dependent on others to take me around and barely able to walk anymore,

I saw a picture of XXXXXXX when his wife was alive and he definitely was almost unrecognizable. i had the thought of trying to reach his sister XXXXXXX if I can find her and see if she would be willing to fly out from NY and see him but I am not allowed third party contact until February 20th...he was filled out and relaxed in that picture and was very very happy looking. He would have moments of happiness and laugh at times but he never sleeps anymore...I cannot imagine how he is even getting to his shop.it was much more than grief. I feel so sad that no one tried to help him but us.The church would make fun of him and say he was crazy...I am afraid the voices will tell him to kill himself or that he will in order to make them stop....so very very sad,,,I cannot have XXXXXXX coming in and saying I contacted him though or I could land in jail. His lawyer seemed to know that he was mentally ill or that was the impression I got.He said that XXXXXXX just wanted all of this to go away....but doesnt want me in his lifr now,,,,maybe he hears my voice all the time telling him to do things i dont know. i wish his sister knew what was happening...

No he is a widower. His wife is dead. I was just thinking that once the injunction is lifted maybe I might contact his sister..by not until the injunction ends. He could get so bad that he might end up in the hospital anyway...I just dont want him to hurt himself...

I couldn't find her anyway and its his sister...tonight for the first time i began to have some idea of what he might be suffering. There is a psychiatrist's book i ordered and she herself is a schizophrenic and tells what its like living with schizophrenia. I began to have so much compassion for XXXXXXX whereas all I have felt before this is confusion, anger and almost hatred but the compassion always wins out.. I have an idea of what God must feel like for people like him. I found a picture of him when he looked happy and not tormented and I felt so sad that I got to know him when he was on the downslide. I think he has some insight into the fact that he is ill but is so paranoid of going to the hospital and afraid he might act on the voices telling him to harm me or someone else that he has just disappeared and probably goes out as little as possible. I believe that God was showing me his pain although it is hard to know if it is God or me but God has feelings too and as He is Love..I believe that He cries over the pain of his hurting creatures and creation. He can not, not love...and XXXXXXX as the person I knew him as even in his insanity was and is such a loving person. I found something on the internet that even when they are acting terrible to the ones they love it does not mean that they don't love them...they as you say have no idea what they are doing that that is hurting them...if he really knew that he was hurting them like i told him last year that he had hurt me so badly I tried killing myself, they often will try to kill themselves once that reality hits them and I don't want to be the cause of that either...but it is so very hard to know that he is suffering and I cannot help him....even after the injunction is dropped I might not be able to help him...he could get violent or hurt himself or just file another injunction on me again...I just don't know..i feel so sad that he is hurting too and no one to help him except God or the Lord but the Lord can and has done amazing things in the past for him so as you say..I need to pray and believe that God will help him come out of it enough to make him be willing to see me again and maybe take treatment...meanwhile I am trying to stay sane...I need to spend so much time alone as this causes me to feel so sad and bad for him as well as myself..It is almost 3 in the morning and nothing I have done has brought me any peace or peace enough to sleep....I am not sure how to cope with all of this anymore...I can't just stop loving him..it just isn't possible..knowing he has no one doesn't make it easier it makes it harder..he is so alone.. XXXXXXX won't let me talk about him so i have no one to turn to.....
i took remeron zanax and melatonin and havent been able to sleep. The agoraphobia is worsening, i am not hungry and i am cryimg all night and its AFTER FOUR AM. I dont have a doctor and dont want to see one or anyone not even XXXXXXX besides all that i have a lot of physical pain and no doctor will give me anythimg for pain or sleep. if i could only sleep without pain or die i dont care which i would get relief... i am so tired of being sad and crying. XXXXXXX used to hold me when I cried now he is the cause of it and there is no comfort anymore...

Do u mean to say he is scared and confused and has no awareness that he is actually causing it himself and could get help? Is he lonely/ could he remember good times and wonder what happened to me or even his wife? and maybe no awareness of how much time had passed? some of the descriptions sound a little like autism in children, he described sensations like this satanist woman lying next to him in bed and it scared him to death or like blowing up his private parts and he was fairly modest, to the size of an elephant and the only way he could get it to stop was to sit in the bathtub almost all day...is that what u mean? why would that make him file an injunction on me? i don't understand that part..hearing the voices of his mother and father and then his dead wife and he was having visual hallucinations too.poor poor man...months later he heard many entities telling him it was his job to kill people...