What are the chances of HIV transmission through unprotected oral sex?

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Posted on Tue, 9 Jun 2015 in Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Question: Hello Doctors,
I am in pretty rough shape right now. I love my wife with all of my heart. I have messed up in the past. (I really hate it when people say you can never cheat on someone if you really love them, because that is not at all true).

Anyways, about 4.5 years ago I was very drunk and someone from work surprised me by following me to my hotel room. We chatted as I was drunk, and she then threw me on the bed and began to kiss me. Like an idiot (and drunk) I let it happen. She began to undo my pants and I told her I did not want to have sex as I am married. She began to give me oral and as the room spun I just laid there. Then I felt her climb on me and felt myself inside of her. After a few seconds I ended this encounter and left. I told my wife about my indiscretion, but I left out the part about sex. It only lasted a few seconds (maybe 10-15?) and I did not seek it, enjoy it or finish it. I felt it best to not make my wife suffer over this.
A few years later, I also gave brief (5 min) oral to another man one time. I was again drunk (I’ve since stopped drinking) and curious. I have never been attracted to men, but only to the idea of giving a bj. My experience was more out of curiosity as to what it was like. Well, I did not like it. After a few minutes I stopped, apologized and left. It kind of grossed me out. The reality is not what was in my mind. I guess I enjoy getting them so my mind had always been curious with the idea of giving, but I did not enjoy it. No cum in mouth. Maybe precum but not sure.

Lately my depression and anxiety is at an all-time high. I love my wife and children to death. Telling my wife does not seem like an option. If I was a betting man, I would bet that she would forgive me, but I don’t want to hurt her or risk the harmony in our family. I need my wife and kids. Without them I’m not sure I have the mental ability to go on. After my first encounter I said I would never stray again. I’ve had opportunities with other women but never had. The guy thing was a curiosity thing that kind of consumed my mind and I did not really realize the seriousness of my actions until it was over.

My questions:
1. I’ve been tested for STDs. No worry about the incident 4.5 years ago, but the more recent one does not really carry an HIV risk?

2. What about HPV? What are the odds I could have gotten HPV? My wife had a normal pap when pregnant with our third child about two years ago. I’ve had no symptoms. I want to think my encounter of a few seconds 4.5 years ago was a very low-risk one, but I’m not sure. As for oral, could I get it in my mouth from performing a few minutes of felacio and then transmit it to my wife by kissing or giving her cullingus?

3. We were both virgins before we met. Only had sex with eachother until my mistake. We did, however, both have previous oral sex partners before we were together. What is my overall HPV risk and should I be worried?
I’ve learned a lot from this, and it has really put my love for my family in perspective. I will never do anything like this again.

Any information would be very helpful to me. Thank you very much.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Prof. Kunal Saha 2 hours later
Brief Answer:
You have no need to panic. But you should see a counsellor

Detailed Answer:
Hi

Thanks for asking on HealthcareMagic.

I have carefully gone through the details mentioned. Let me try and answer your questions one by one:
1. HIV viral load of saliva is very low and if the other male had intact penile skin, the chances of transmission of HIV is very less. Practically you need not worry about it.
2. HPV can spread by oral sex and hence the possibility of transmission of HPV cannot be ruled out. Males infected with HPV most commonly do not present with any symptoms. At the moment, there are no tests for detection of HPV in males. If you have been infected with HPV, you could transmit it to your wife by kissing or by cunnilingus. The following links should be useful for you:
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/hpvandmen-fact-sheet-february-2012.pdf
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm
3. The overall probability of transmission of your being infected by HPV is around 1%. I think that you need not worry about that.

I think that you should see a counsellor and discuss your situation with him. He will be able to give you some simple tips about how to deal with your situation and not to get depressed.

Let me assure once again that you need not panic.

Regards
Dr. Kunal Saha
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vinay Bhardwaj
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Prof. Kunal Saha 11 minutes later
Thanks for your reply. So in your estimation, I have a 1% chance of HPV from the incidents described. So in your opinion, would I be safe to try to put this out of mind and not worry regarding all sexual contact with my wife? Thanks again.
Just one more question if I may...you state that if I have oral HPV I could pass it along by kissing or cullingus. I've read elsewhere that this is rare if it occurs at all. If I did have oral HVP, is it likely to pass by these methods or unlikely? And is there any concerns to my children?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Prof. Kunal Saha 7 minutes later
Brief Answer:
The chances are very low. I do not think that you should worry about it.

Detailed Answer:
Thanks for writing back. I think of all probabilities, you should put behind the worries and proceed towards a healthy relationship and sexual life with your wife. I do not think that you should worry about a mere 1% chance that you could be infected and an even lesser possibility that you could be transmitting it to your wife, and a lesser still chance that she could get a cancer due to that. There are other things that can always go wrong and the possibility of those are much more than the chances of HPV ruining your lives. So, for all practical probabilities, you should just forget about it. Remove your worries and remove your depression.

Wishing you all the best.

Regards
Dr. Kunal Saha
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vinay Bhardwaj
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Prof. Kunal Saha 6 minutes later
Thank you so much. You've helped me greatly.

Just one more question if I may...you state that if I have oral HPV I could pass it along by kissing or cullingus. I've read elsewhere that this is rare if it occurs at all. If I did have oral HVP, is it likely to pass by these methods or unlikely? And is there any concerns to my children?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Prof. Kunal Saha 4 minutes later
Brief Answer:
The chances are indeed extremely rare. You need not worry.

Detailed Answer:
You have read the right thing. The chances of your transmission to your wife by these methods is indeed extremely rare. That is the reason that I told you to stop worrying about it. There are no health concerns for your children involved.

Wish you all the best.

In case you found my answers to be helpful, I will request you to close the thread with a positive review and a 5 star rating.

Regards
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vinay Bhardwaj
doctor
Answered by
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Dr. Prof. Kunal Saha

General & Family Physician

Practicing since :1954

Answered : 4402 Questions

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