Question: Dr Bishnoi please. I tried to commit suicide. Help me please. I am stressed out.

Dr. B this is XXXXXXX I had to start a new account as it took me all night to try to get hold of you. XXXX was my nickname and my daughter's name so I used that name. My other Nicknames are XXXXX and XXXX. Please don't be angry with me. I received a notification that the judge had kept my brief about XXXXXXX His lawyer filed a motion to strike it or drop it. XXXX is the judge and he was probably angry at XXXXXXX and his lawyer for trying to get my reply brief that detailed all the lies they made against me because XXXXXXX does not want to be involuntarily evaluated or involuntarily committed or hospitalized. That is a good thing. I told the judge that the bad judge made an ex parte decision because she did not allow me the opportunity to defend myself because she did let me talk at all. Then I told the judge that XXXXXXX was seriously mentally ill and possibly dangerously do according to the law and so cannot by Arizona law meet the "reasonable person" standard. And also according to the law my acts towards him could not be directed at him for "no legitimate purpose" as he was delusional and quite possibly hearing voices and could not make a right judgment. We were romantically involved. My legal briefs and the court record will bear this out...So that is a very good thing that will move my case against XXXXXXX in a positive direction...But I am so afraid that it won't and I have been so conflicted that I am suicidal. XXXXXXX also said some really mean things about me and lied about me saying to Adult Protective Services that I said he had abused his step son. I did not..i said I was concerned that he was self neglecting but the report they gave him said that he was not schizophrenic. There was no report of any self neglect and he said something about me being a counselor not that he loved me..I am so upset by all this that even if he is evaluated I really hate him and feel so very hurt that he has treated me so badly...I need some help..please

I don't know for sure that the judge is angry with XXXXXXX I just think he is based on how angry he was with my ex husband. I am worried because o what adult protective services said, that he showed no evidence of self neglect and that will be in the court record.But those people are social workers not psychiatrists. Still I am so afraid. I am afraid I will despair and kill myself. Yes I mentioned the fact that XXXXXXX heard voices telling him he was a killer and it was his job to kill people and that he was delusional but I lost my copy of the appellant memorandum or my brief so I can't remember what it said.

I made a huge mistake. I said I did not call DES when I did but wasn't aware that APS was part of DES. I am so scared as it will hurt my case. They will think I am lying and I could not only lose the case but maybe end up in jail for perjury...

I can't sleep Dr B. I am so upset about this....I am wondering what to do. I thought of writing a motion telling the court I made a mistake in my appellant brief and appellant's reply brief. I am so stressed out. I have been up all night and most of the morning....

I have been going non stop since last night and am not finished yet. I fought the sleepiness of the zanax for four days..I couldn't talk straight but XXXXXXX found out that I will be able to think clearly. Unfortunately, I am now and can't seem to relax at all...I wanted to finish my appellant brief or errata of it anyway. That is used to correct mistakes. I spent good money on a lawyer to find that out and a friend of mine on a blog called restraining order abuse helped me too. They are all saying that the case is not going to be thrown out due to my mistakes but I want to get it done and taken to the courthouse tomorrow so am going to have to work again all night again..no sleep or rest for me I guess

I am so sad Dr B. It hurts so badly that XXXXXXX hates me so much. This has been so hard as I both hate him and love him. I want to take the whole bottle of zanax SO BAD! I feel like everything is going to be for nothing. I wish I was dead so much...I am not sure I can keep this up for long..I want to die so very very badly....

im not sure judge will hear me. I am tired of writing briefs but afraid not to. XXXXXXX is important to my faith in God. If the judge doesn't hear me I will give up even on God as well as life

I don't seem to know how to hope. I am still writing a brief trying to refute the errors that were made. this last one is really hard. This makes me feel hopeless about XXXXXXX I am not tired and I have been awake 36 hours even with benzodiazopenes.

Hi Dr B. I took a long break. I fell asleep crying but slept 12 hours and feel better but am so tired I don't know how I am going to finish my brief...My son goes to bed at 4Am and I can't drive so it is hard to get stuff done. I am going to try to get it done now.

I made another mistake in the brief. I said that I called XXXXXXX one time and in the reply brief I said that I didn't call him at all. I guess I forgot that one time I called him...I hope nothing bad happens....I am just going to delete it in the amended brief and pray that no one notices it. There is so much material I can only hope that no one notices that mistake....I am too tired to care much anymore...hope you get some rest...I am glad as it is finished now...all I can do now is wait for my son to get up and get this printed out....

At Shabbat tonight I was praying and telling the Lord that if XXXXXXX never comes back I will kill myself..I honestly cannot handle it if he never gets help or comes back. Its all tied up with what I know to be true about God..I had several visions and my son had what is called in the charismatic community dreams about what is going to happen. These are REAL Dr B..I know a lot of believers in God don't believe in them or think they are from Satan and as a Bible believer or person of the BOOK( the Bible) I know that they are true...God knows I can't handle it. I can barely handle it now..but after I prayed I kid you not we met a messianic or bible believing Christian Jew who said she would pray for us..she almost never comes as her husband does not believe in Jesus like she does and that is Who is my God...Jesus or His Hebrew name is Y'shua HaMachiach aka Jesus the Messiah or Christ..I KNOW that God heard my prayer but the pain of loss of XXXXXXX is almost too much for me except on Shabbat. We say Shabbat Shalom which means Sabbath Peace or Wholeness.. we missed our Hebrew class this week but I just was too out of it to go...

I am really nervous now. XXXX has already reviewed my entire file and has slated an oral argument. That means he is VERY interested in t=my case and XXXX's dangerousness..I am scared of what his lawyer might say about my calling him because he will put me through the wringer. I only called him a total of three times but never left a message except twice. Once my son and I both called him and I called him that terrible day in February when I tried to kill myself two times ago. Anyway, I am kind of scared of his lawyer. His job is to make me look bad and I am not sure what will happen. Man this judge is on the money. I cannot believe he did things so fast...I lost all of my medicine which is not a good thing. I have no idea where it went..my son looked everywhere.

I am trying Dr. B. I can get some of the medicines from the other doctor and on Monday will be able to call the doctor who get me baclofen and diazepam for the back and neck spasms. I can get a refill on my zanax. Its weird but I found the legal notification from the judge by accident. XXXXXXX could have thrown it away. He was so upset with the incident this week that he wasn't thinking straight...Now the main thing is hoping we have enough money to last us until next Friday. XXXX's lawyer could say something about the call I made but we will say we forgot or that the main issue is not whether I called him the main issues are that my constitutional rights to a defense were violated and therefore the injunction should be dropped and that according to the law XXXXXXX cannot be considered to be a " reasonable person" and that he should be evaluated by a court appointed psychiatrist as he meets the dangerousness standard as well as the standard according to the law ARS 36 that he also does not think there is anything wrong with him or what is called in psychiatric circles lack of insight or anosognosia. Factors that make it legal to have him involuntarily evaluated and probably committed. They will hold him for 72 hours and have two psychiatrist evaluate him in the hospital.