Question: Family issues, who's at fault and what to do about the constant problems I face? Mother with OCD and other issues. Long discussion required to understand.

Thanks for your reply. I have a few things to discuss but I didn't see your past message until now and reply now to it below:

"For further discussion I need detail history since her childhood. Her brought up, education, work details, behavior as a wife, mother and friend and many other details needed. And also there is need of examination and mental status evaluation of patient in person by a psychiatrist. If you feel you can write these may lots of details, you are welcome."

Her childhood - she claims she didn't get on with her mom as well as with her farther. The older sister was bossy according to my mom and she was also younger than the brother.
She had a private education I believe and then a job for a short while, hasn't worked ever since.
She developed alcohol addiction at early age but claims to XXXXXXX given this up whilst pregnant with me and had some after for a while.
As a wife I she is very bossy and domineering. She gets my dad to side with her whatever, and I'd say if she doesn't get as she wants then she turns into a bully.
As a mother, I felt a lack of empathy, I felt she was unreasonable quite often and was overly strict. If I'd made a mess as a kid it would be a strongly punished. Threats were often made such as "You'll be sent to boarding school, etc". Locked in room by parents with string attached to not exit. Witnessed mother rage on occasions when young. Such as against my father whilst I was in the car attempting to swerve it to on-coming traffic making me upset. Smashing a gaming console my father brought me because she didn't like the size and my dad wouldn't instantly take it back. Raged at neighbors because the dogs kept coming on the frontage.
She has fallen out with, or lost contact with the family. Has no friends what so ever. My dad also has no friends to speak of. I have one close friend because I've possibly got similar genes or learnt bad personality.
My mother easily finds fault in others.

These are the main things that come to mind for now. Hope this helps you conclude, but please ask more questions to help if need..
Also, after this, I need advice on how to deal with the wider family.
Thanks

Thanks for your reply. This is what was bothering me. However, she has seeked treatment (i've never been, it was her and my father). I believe she ended up seeing multiple psychiatrists because she wasn't happy with their service (usual stuff).

In the end she was diagnosed with OCD, apparently. She admits she has this.

To answer following as I believe:

- Grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). I would say No. She doesn't boast about achievements or talents.

- Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Keeps wishing about a dream home or winning the lottery. Nothing about beauty I've heard or ideal love.

- Believes that she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or
should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). Not really. She is 'different', but she doesn't say out-right that she is above over people.

- Requires excessive admiration.
Not sure, I'd say No, not from me anyway.

- Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations).
Sort of, yes. As said before she seems to want people to click to what she wants most of the time.

- Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends).
I'd say it's a possibility. I can't say for sure.

- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
Yes, I am aware of this. Her mom had cancer and she didn't seem to care much, she was more annoyed that no family member had told her personally. (The cancer was breast).

- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
I'd say yes, deep down. Her lack of social skills make her envious of others. She looks up many people on Facebook are generally criticizes them (people who she doesn't really no, including a neighbour.)

- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes.
Yes. Definitely at times. My dad's mother is getting old and my mother had taken insult to a few minor things. My mom said I wish she would die. I doubt my mother would be so bothered about my dad's mother is she wasn't leaving a will $.


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I'd like to also discuss the wider family. Where should I stand in this, are they so bad, and what's going on?

Thanks for your reply and information.

Her brother (my uncle) is now in hospital after long life of smoking and alcoholism (he has days to live). He also has such similar issues to my mother (hates people, anger, no friends, divorce, etc).

I'm trying to see the deeper picture here. I continue.

The ex-wife of my mother's brother has become very close with the mother of the two many years back against my mother and her brother (neither wanted that). Yet, the older sister recommended it.

This ex-wife could never have afforded a holiday (especially considering the split up with my mother's sister). So she wanted a holiday and found this ex-wife would go on them... many many holidays now 10 or more? Seems to be at the anger of my mother and her brother. Yet, the older sister 'approved' it as she didnt want to basically have to go and claimed someone is better than no body.

Because my aunt, this bossy older sister, was great to be growing up, I feel like I don't know where to turn now. And what about this ex-wife, also my ex-aunt if you like?...

With my uncle's alcohol issue he rang the entire family with abuse on the phone. My mother said she couldn't deal with that. So, she ended up having nothing to do with her brother for 8 years. Since my uncle now has days to live, I recommended she could ask if he might see her, he did. She went to see him for last time.

Next? Ex-wife gets on the phone calming she shouldn't have visited.

I can't go on more. But you see here there is some big issues, but who is creating them? Please help!

Hello,
Thanks for the reply. So what do you think it wrong with my mother? Can you help conclude on that? And was is caused by the upbringing environment? Or only genetics?
Family psychiatrist wont be a solution for them as they wouldnt go.