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Suggest Ways To Deal With Dishonesty In A Relationship
Question: Dear Doctor,
I am 36 years old, married 10 years back with no kids.
My wife is not interested in sex much, so I started visiting CAM girls to satisfy my sexual urge.
Few months back, I got introduced to a CAM girl from XXXXXXX
She won’t show the face during cam. I got somehow attracted towards her, and started getting close to her.
I become her frequent customer, and she also got close to me.
She shared her personnel details like, she lost her father and being with MOM, and doing MBA. For studies and managing expenses she doing the CAM.
After knowing all these I thought of supporting her for her studies. Initially, it was like around 10 – 15K per month initially.
Later she got closer and she expected more and more money. I could not resist myself and I gave her money, whenever she asked me.
If I calculate now, I spent around 3Lacs till now.
But now a days, she started avoiding me. When I chat also, she speaks few words and go away.
I am getting restless because of her sudden behavior change.
If I ask her, why she behaving different, she use to say, some silly reason and move away.
I have her photo, home address (I ordered few books for her), her mom phone number, her relatives Facebook address all.
Even I have a record of her few shows also.
Whenever I feel frustrated, I feel like posting these on web and screw her.
Later I calm down myself, thinking, I did support her for the good intention. So let me not spoil her life.
But, some time when she neglect me without any reasons, I am totally getting restless and many times I am unable to concentrate on Job also.
Doctor, I think, I got addicted to this relationship. Please guide me, how can I come out of this safely, without hurting her and without hurting myself.
Thanks and Regards
XXXX
I am 36 years old, married 10 years back with no kids.
My wife is not interested in sex much, so I started visiting CAM girls to satisfy my sexual urge.
Few months back, I got introduced to a CAM girl from XXXXXXX
She won’t show the face during cam. I got somehow attracted towards her, and started getting close to her.
I become her frequent customer, and she also got close to me.
She shared her personnel details like, she lost her father and being with MOM, and doing MBA. For studies and managing expenses she doing the CAM.
After knowing all these I thought of supporting her for her studies. Initially, it was like around 10 – 15K per month initially.
Later she got closer and she expected more and more money. I could not resist myself and I gave her money, whenever she asked me.
If I calculate now, I spent around 3Lacs till now.
But now a days, she started avoiding me. When I chat also, she speaks few words and go away.
I am getting restless because of her sudden behavior change.
If I ask her, why she behaving different, she use to say, some silly reason and move away.
I have her photo, home address (I ordered few books for her), her mom phone number, her relatives Facebook address all.
Even I have a record of her few shows also.
Whenever I feel frustrated, I feel like posting these on web and screw her.
Later I calm down myself, thinking, I did support her for the good intention. So let me not spoil her life.
But, some time when she neglect me without any reasons, I am totally getting restless and many times I am unable to concentrate on Job also.
Doctor, I think, I got addicted to this relationship. Please guide me, how can I come out of this safely, without hurting her and without hurting myself.
Thanks and Regards
XXXX
Brief Answer:
Need to be treated like a breakup
Detailed Answer:
Hello
Thanks for using Health Care Magic for posting your query.
I have gone through your question and I can understand what you are going through.
There are two possibilities:
1) This girl could be a cheater and might have cheated you from the first step itself.
2) This girl might have been in relationship with but now wants a breakup.
Considering the first possibility, we regularly come across such incidents where in people are cheated by cheaters posing with a false identity and trying to siphon off the money. She could have made you order the books just to convince you about her truth, although the address and her name could be even wrong. The books might have got delivered to someone else. If this is the case, then its your wish to go ahead with a police complain and get the incident investigated. But this bears risk to your image as well. Further in this case if you upload the known details on web, it might harm any other non related person and then you can be in trouble.
Considering the second possibility, if this lady was genuine, then although it was a digital relationship, this was still a relationship in which one of the partners wants to breakup. Now relationships are a reality and so are the breakup. There is no "Breakup free guarantee" relationship and you need to understand that. I agree that you have invested a lot of money in this relationship but still the person ahead has full right to withdraw from it.
Your acceptance of breakup has to be helped out. You truly need psychotherapy sessions.
1. Supportive psychotherapy
2. Problem Solving Behavioural therapy
3. Cognitive behavioural therapy
These are the therapies you would be requiring and these are generally provided by a psychologist. So request you to contact a psychologist near you and get the therapies done.
If these things persist you may even land up in depression and then you even need to take treatment for it. These issues should be dealt with early. Do consider visiting a psychotherapist as early as possible.
As a last word, if somebody has done wrong to you, do not do wrong from your side. Laws in XXXXXXX are very Pro-female and that can be trouble for you.
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy MD
Need to be treated like a breakup
Detailed Answer:
Hello
Thanks for using Health Care Magic for posting your query.
I have gone through your question and I can understand what you are going through.
There are two possibilities:
1) This girl could be a cheater and might have cheated you from the first step itself.
2) This girl might have been in relationship with but now wants a breakup.
Considering the first possibility, we regularly come across such incidents where in people are cheated by cheaters posing with a false identity and trying to siphon off the money. She could have made you order the books just to convince you about her truth, although the address and her name could be even wrong. The books might have got delivered to someone else. If this is the case, then its your wish to go ahead with a police complain and get the incident investigated. But this bears risk to your image as well. Further in this case if you upload the known details on web, it might harm any other non related person and then you can be in trouble.
Considering the second possibility, if this lady was genuine, then although it was a digital relationship, this was still a relationship in which one of the partners wants to breakup. Now relationships are a reality and so are the breakup. There is no "Breakup free guarantee" relationship and you need to understand that. I agree that you have invested a lot of money in this relationship but still the person ahead has full right to withdraw from it.
Your acceptance of breakup has to be helped out. You truly need psychotherapy sessions.
1. Supportive psychotherapy
2. Problem Solving Behavioural therapy
3. Cognitive behavioural therapy
These are the therapies you would be requiring and these are generally provided by a psychologist. So request you to contact a psychologist near you and get the therapies done.
If these things persist you may even land up in depression and then you even need to take treatment for it. These issues should be dealt with early. Do consider visiting a psychotherapist as early as possible.
As a last word, if somebody has done wrong to you, do not do wrong from your side. Laws in XXXXXXX are very Pro-female and that can be trouble for you.
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy MD
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Veerisetty Shyamkumar
Dear Doctor,
Thank you very much for your feedback.
Everytime, i am making myself strong like, i should keep a distance from this girl, and i use to block her ID's.
But then she starts sending the SMS to my XXXXXXX and pulling me to the relationship again.
She is doing like a Push - pull game.
The money what I lost is huge. But i can earn this at anypoint of time.
I decided to Block her number / I will change my XXXXXXX number.
Also, I never get in to Online again.
All these are mistakes from my side, and I don't wish my wife to know about this.
If I start visiting psychologist, my wife may come to know at any point of time, and it may hurt her badly.
Better I like to see myself as a friend, and I like to help myself to come out of this issue.
What you said is correct. We should not do wrong to the person, even if they do wrong to us.
I leave everything to God and time. Hope time heals my pain.
Thank you very much for your support Doctor.
Thanks & Regards
XXXX
Thank you very much for your feedback.
Everytime, i am making myself strong like, i should keep a distance from this girl, and i use to block her ID's.
But then she starts sending the SMS to my XXXXXXX and pulling me to the relationship again.
She is doing like a Push - pull game.
The money what I lost is huge. But i can earn this at anypoint of time.
I decided to Block her number / I will change my XXXXXXX number.
Also, I never get in to Online again.
All these are mistakes from my side, and I don't wish my wife to know about this.
If I start visiting psychologist, my wife may come to know at any point of time, and it may hurt her badly.
Better I like to see myself as a friend, and I like to help myself to come out of this issue.
What you said is correct. We should not do wrong to the person, even if they do wrong to us.
I leave everything to God and time. Hope time heals my pain.
Thank you very much for your support Doctor.
Thanks & Regards
XXXX
Brief Answer:
Things will be well soon
Detailed Answer:
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy
Things will be well soon
Detailed Answer:
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy
Note: For further follow up on related General & Family Physician Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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