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Suggest Treatment For Severe Depression
Question: Hi Doc
Hope you are doing well today.
I want to consult a Psychiatrist/ Psychologist. I have mentioned everything about me (About me, past problems and current problem) so that it will help you to understand my personality and problem. I never spoke about all these things to anyone but it’s high time I should. I desperately need your guidance to go ahead in my life and to solve this problem.
About Me : I am a 31 yr old good looking, highly educated, unmarried, working woman facing problems in personal life due to my behaviour. By nature I am a kind, generous, impatient, sensitive and good hearted person. I cry during emotional scenes in movies etc. If you ask my friends and colleague about my personality they all have good things to say about me. I have very few friends (girls) from my school. I can never do bad to ppl. If unintentionally someone gets hurt by my words I always speak to them first to solve the miscommunication even if they are unimportant ppl in my life. I do not have any bad habit like Alcohol or Smoke etc. I just feel I have above average libido but I am not a sex addict who looks out for ppl for sex. I watch porn and masturbate every alternate day or when time permits. I had undergone open myomectomy on 1st XXXXXXX 2016 and I was even aroused on the 5th day so I had to ask my Gynae if I can masturbate.
Past problems : From my childhood till 25 yr of age I was a shy, homely, average confident, disciplined, well mannered and studious girl. I come from an orthodox family. I do not even remember if I ever fought with my parents or back replied to them. Going to school, studying, doing home work, playing and being happy are all the things that I can recall. I always dreamt of love and love marriage. When I was 19 yr my family came to know about my first affair and I had to face harsh behaviour of my parents and sister at home (Verbal abuse from father). My elder sister (1 yr elder) used to dominate me at home and was very active and confident and courageous girl as compared to me and my younger sister. She had little temper prob. Once I went to my best girl’s bf college with her and she came to knew about it. When I came back home she hit me and scolded me for the same. She must have thought I have an affair again. I used to feel scared of her madness. I do not know much about her personal life. She passed away due to breast cancer in 2009 after two and half yr of her marriage. My male colleague from my office supported me during that and it was my first rel where I got physically involved at the age of 25. I forgot all the pain and suffering due to my sister’s death. Within few months I broke up with him as he wanted to marry acc. to his family and I was completely shattered and alone. I was emotionally dependent on him. I became completely different person after that breakup. I became loud and vocally very abusive after that breakup. I used to abuse and curse my x bf by saying whatever came in my mind. I started drinking and smoking occasionally with my best friend (Girl) to forget him. Then I started chatting with ppl (Both guys and girls) online to divert my mind and to run away from the pain of being alone. I met 2-3 guys and soon got into rel but broke within 6 months because again they all wanted to just past time. I knew about this from beginning itself still I felt something is better than nothing because I did not want to be alone. During two of these rel also I was vocally very loud and abusive and used to curse them to hell. I was never happy in any of that rel. still I was in it for sake of it. Throughout my life I looked for a lovely rel and never found it. Breakup, crying and pain are all that I can recall from past 5 yrs. Because of all this I found myself stressed and many times felt like committing suicide too. Many times after arguments in rel I had missed my office because all I wanted to do was to sleep whole day so that I do not have to undergo any pain (Though I never took any medicines). The longest rel was a long distance one for a 1 yr where I had cheated my bf for a friend who used to take me out for movie and party that used to make me happy and also once for an ex bf whom I dated before this long distance rel. One day my bf found out things from my mail and he confronted me and I told everything to my mother because he asked me to do so. Since then circumstances worsen more at home and I lost all the love from my family. My father could not handle it and I had to face verbal abuse from him. He had abused me by saying whatever he felt like saying in order to take out his anger and frustration. He would openly address me as a whore or ask me if I am working as a cal girl etc etc. Because of my previous rel I had always given less importance to my family members. When I am in rel all I want is just that person. Life got on track after that rel and for a year I was not in any kind of rel.
Current Problem : I am in a rel for 10 months now and will be getting married to this guy whom I found on a dating site last year. He is a handsome, ambitious, well mannered, caring, family oriented, very calm and composed nature guy at a reputed position in his industry and so much more. He is near to perfection in all the major qualities a girl looks out in her husband. He is an amazing person to be with and we are unbelievably awesome together. He is everything I ever wanted. We both have discussed every ugly truth about our past with each other so that we can have successful married life together. He is two and half yr younger to me and we both understand that marriage is not an easy affair nowadays. We both have a common mindset that we do not want to get divorced after marriage. Initially for 3 months we were in the same city but later on we maintained a long distance rel because of his job. We were always serious and committed towards this rel and had done everything possible to make it work. I already have an ugly past and he has it too. I had always been upset with his past because he was always active on various dating sites and slept with around 25 unknown girls. His family thinks he is very shy and he never had a gf even. I have always hated meeting ppl online for casual sex. Though he told me everything in the beginning itself still it kills me from inside even today.
We had heated arguments on his pasts many times during our rel. In these 10 months I had verbally abused him so many times (About 7 to 10 times) because of his past. Suddenly we are doing good and something from his past flashes in my mind and I call him and interrogate him for his past and abuse him like hell. When I recall his past I suddenly feel so much anger, become impatient, feel pain, throw my phone, keep abusing without thinking even once and start crying later on. My parents are also aware of my nature. When I have arguments with my father I always keep arguing till the end. The arguments are always like tennis match. My family also feels am not normal. Once we were together and after I abused my bf for about 15 – 20 min he lost it completely and started hitting himself and things turned out to very ugly. As I mentioned I underwent a surgery on 1st XXXXXXX I used to be all alone at home because my parents and sister used to go out for their work and again I started feeling alone. Suddenly his past flashed out in my mind and I started behaving sick again and abused him a lot. Then he told me he feels like killing himself and we had a stressful week. On 9th XXXXXXX my bf got shifted to his hometown, a nearby city, as he got a new job. We thought things will be good again as we can see each other once in a week at least but reality turned out to be different. He is very busy in his new job and after getting back home we hardly can talk because he is surrounded by family members and relatives. We are concern about our marriage now because we had discussed that we both do not want divorce after marriage. My loud and abusive nature and my personality is impacting his personality, his goals, his life and this rel. I always praise him for his qualities and love him to the core. He always tells me that I am the best woman he can get but he is upset with my loud and abusive nature. We both feel if I keep getting hurt by his past even after marriage and will abuse him like this then either I will kill myself or he will kill himself. I am really upset with my behaviour and unable to do anything about it. I am not able to understand whether I love him more for his qualities or I hate him more for his past. I completely understand that after marriage life gets more stressful and this way I am not going anywhere in life. I want to do everything possible to correct my nature for betterment of my life.
Following are my questions :
1) Am I normal or I am some mentally sick personality?
2) Why do I have such anger?
3) How can I control my anger?
4) Why do I have such contradictory nature? On one hand when am normal I am polite and kind to ppl and on the other hand when I am angry I become vocally loud and abusive?
5) Do I need to visit doc and get treatment?
6) Why it is taking so long to get over my partner’s past?
7) How can I correct my behaviour?
I hope you have understood my actual problem
I will really appreciate if you could put some light on my mental condition
Thanks for your valuable time.
Regards
Prerna
Hope you are doing well today.
I want to consult a Psychiatrist/ Psychologist. I have mentioned everything about me (About me, past problems and current problem) so that it will help you to understand my personality and problem. I never spoke about all these things to anyone but it’s high time I should. I desperately need your guidance to go ahead in my life and to solve this problem.
About Me : I am a 31 yr old good looking, highly educated, unmarried, working woman facing problems in personal life due to my behaviour. By nature I am a kind, generous, impatient, sensitive and good hearted person. I cry during emotional scenes in movies etc. If you ask my friends and colleague about my personality they all have good things to say about me. I have very few friends (girls) from my school. I can never do bad to ppl. If unintentionally someone gets hurt by my words I always speak to them first to solve the miscommunication even if they are unimportant ppl in my life. I do not have any bad habit like Alcohol or Smoke etc. I just feel I have above average libido but I am not a sex addict who looks out for ppl for sex. I watch porn and masturbate every alternate day or when time permits. I had undergone open myomectomy on 1st XXXXXXX 2016 and I was even aroused on the 5th day so I had to ask my Gynae if I can masturbate.
Past problems : From my childhood till 25 yr of age I was a shy, homely, average confident, disciplined, well mannered and studious girl. I come from an orthodox family. I do not even remember if I ever fought with my parents or back replied to them. Going to school, studying, doing home work, playing and being happy are all the things that I can recall. I always dreamt of love and love marriage. When I was 19 yr my family came to know about my first affair and I had to face harsh behaviour of my parents and sister at home (Verbal abuse from father). My elder sister (1 yr elder) used to dominate me at home and was very active and confident and courageous girl as compared to me and my younger sister. She had little temper prob. Once I went to my best girl’s bf college with her and she came to knew about it. When I came back home she hit me and scolded me for the same. She must have thought I have an affair again. I used to feel scared of her madness. I do not know much about her personal life. She passed away due to breast cancer in 2009 after two and half yr of her marriage. My male colleague from my office supported me during that and it was my first rel where I got physically involved at the age of 25. I forgot all the pain and suffering due to my sister’s death. Within few months I broke up with him as he wanted to marry acc. to his family and I was completely shattered and alone. I was emotionally dependent on him. I became completely different person after that breakup. I became loud and vocally very abusive after that breakup. I used to abuse and curse my x bf by saying whatever came in my mind. I started drinking and smoking occasionally with my best friend (Girl) to forget him. Then I started chatting with ppl (Both guys and girls) online to divert my mind and to run away from the pain of being alone. I met 2-3 guys and soon got into rel but broke within 6 months because again they all wanted to just past time. I knew about this from beginning itself still I felt something is better than nothing because I did not want to be alone. During two of these rel also I was vocally very loud and abusive and used to curse them to hell. I was never happy in any of that rel. still I was in it for sake of it. Throughout my life I looked for a lovely rel and never found it. Breakup, crying and pain are all that I can recall from past 5 yrs. Because of all this I found myself stressed and many times felt like committing suicide too. Many times after arguments in rel I had missed my office because all I wanted to do was to sleep whole day so that I do not have to undergo any pain (Though I never took any medicines). The longest rel was a long distance one for a 1 yr where I had cheated my bf for a friend who used to take me out for movie and party that used to make me happy and also once for an ex bf whom I dated before this long distance rel. One day my bf found out things from my mail and he confronted me and I told everything to my mother because he asked me to do so. Since then circumstances worsen more at home and I lost all the love from my family. My father could not handle it and I had to face verbal abuse from him. He had abused me by saying whatever he felt like saying in order to take out his anger and frustration. He would openly address me as a whore or ask me if I am working as a cal girl etc etc. Because of my previous rel I had always given less importance to my family members. When I am in rel all I want is just that person. Life got on track after that rel and for a year I was not in any kind of rel.
Current Problem : I am in a rel for 10 months now and will be getting married to this guy whom I found on a dating site last year. He is a handsome, ambitious, well mannered, caring, family oriented, very calm and composed nature guy at a reputed position in his industry and so much more. He is near to perfection in all the major qualities a girl looks out in her husband. He is an amazing person to be with and we are unbelievably awesome together. He is everything I ever wanted. We both have discussed every ugly truth about our past with each other so that we can have successful married life together. He is two and half yr younger to me and we both understand that marriage is not an easy affair nowadays. We both have a common mindset that we do not want to get divorced after marriage. Initially for 3 months we were in the same city but later on we maintained a long distance rel because of his job. We were always serious and committed towards this rel and had done everything possible to make it work. I already have an ugly past and he has it too. I had always been upset with his past because he was always active on various dating sites and slept with around 25 unknown girls. His family thinks he is very shy and he never had a gf even. I have always hated meeting ppl online for casual sex. Though he told me everything in the beginning itself still it kills me from inside even today.
We had heated arguments on his pasts many times during our rel. In these 10 months I had verbally abused him so many times (About 7 to 10 times) because of his past. Suddenly we are doing good and something from his past flashes in my mind and I call him and interrogate him for his past and abuse him like hell. When I recall his past I suddenly feel so much anger, become impatient, feel pain, throw my phone, keep abusing without thinking even once and start crying later on. My parents are also aware of my nature. When I have arguments with my father I always keep arguing till the end. The arguments are always like tennis match. My family also feels am not normal. Once we were together and after I abused my bf for about 15 – 20 min he lost it completely and started hitting himself and things turned out to very ugly. As I mentioned I underwent a surgery on 1st XXXXXXX I used to be all alone at home because my parents and sister used to go out for their work and again I started feeling alone. Suddenly his past flashed out in my mind and I started behaving sick again and abused him a lot. Then he told me he feels like killing himself and we had a stressful week. On 9th XXXXXXX my bf got shifted to his hometown, a nearby city, as he got a new job. We thought things will be good again as we can see each other once in a week at least but reality turned out to be different. He is very busy in his new job and after getting back home we hardly can talk because he is surrounded by family members and relatives. We are concern about our marriage now because we had discussed that we both do not want divorce after marriage. My loud and abusive nature and my personality is impacting his personality, his goals, his life and this rel. I always praise him for his qualities and love him to the core. He always tells me that I am the best woman he can get but he is upset with my loud and abusive nature. We both feel if I keep getting hurt by his past even after marriage and will abuse him like this then either I will kill myself or he will kill himself. I am really upset with my behaviour and unable to do anything about it. I am not able to understand whether I love him more for his qualities or I hate him more for his past. I completely understand that after marriage life gets more stressful and this way I am not going anywhere in life. I want to do everything possible to correct my nature for betterment of my life.
Following are my questions :
1) Am I normal or I am some mentally sick personality?
2) Why do I have such anger?
3) How can I control my anger?
4) Why do I have such contradictory nature? On one hand when am normal I am polite and kind to ppl and on the other hand when I am angry I become vocally loud and abusive?
5) Do I need to visit doc and get treatment?
6) Why it is taking so long to get over my partner’s past?
7) How can I correct my behaviour?
I hope you have understood my actual problem
I will really appreciate if you could put some light on my mental condition
Thanks for your valuable time.
Regards
Prerna
Brief Answer:
Relaxation exercises.
Detailed Answer:
Hello Dear Prerna,
Welcome to HCM.
I have gone through your details thoroughly.
I understand your concerns.
In my opinion, you are not mentally sick. But as you have suffered a lot of setbacks in your relationships, you have been emotionally traumatized. This could be causing your behavioral changes.
To control your anger, you should practice relaxation exercises like meditation and deep breathing.
You become angry often. I think this is because you start expecting a lot from people you love. When they fail to meet your expectations, you get frustrated and angry.
You can consult a psychologist to learn relaxation exercises and anger management.
There are certain things which are difficult to forget. Your partner's past might be one of those. You have to accept him as such. Look into your present and future with him. You also have a past. He is also accepting you as such.
Try to stay calm and meditate daily.
Hope this helps.
Feel free to ask further.
Thanks.
Relaxation exercises.
Detailed Answer:
Hello Dear Prerna,
Welcome to HCM.
I have gone through your details thoroughly.
I understand your concerns.
In my opinion, you are not mentally sick. But as you have suffered a lot of setbacks in your relationships, you have been emotionally traumatized. This could be causing your behavioral changes.
To control your anger, you should practice relaxation exercises like meditation and deep breathing.
You become angry often. I think this is because you start expecting a lot from people you love. When they fail to meet your expectations, you get frustrated and angry.
You can consult a psychologist to learn relaxation exercises and anger management.
There are certain things which are difficult to forget. Your partner's past might be one of those. You have to accept him as such. Look into your present and future with him. You also have a past. He is also accepting you as such.
Try to stay calm and meditate daily.
Hope this helps.
Feel free to ask further.
Thanks.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
Answered by
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