when i was a small child i remember my mother checking my vagina from time to time. she would say she was looking to see if my hymen was retracting as the doctors told her to watch for when i was born. she said she chose not to have my unusually think hymen cut out. when i was 17 i was experiencing pain and she took me to a doctor. they did ultra sounds and said that i have no uterus or cervix a very short vagina and only one ovary that may or may not end up being a testicle. i never had that checked. i went on with my life until i got married never thinking anything else about it. my husband didnt mind and he paid for me to go to more doctors. the doctors i saw when i was married told me i had a double hymen and that i could have it cut out. i didnt think that was needed seeing as how it is cleaner for me and i dont get infections very easily. i went on for 6 more years not ever being concerned. about 3 years ago i had a man drug me and touch me. he told everyone that i had a sex change when i was a baby and also that i was a hermaphrodite. i then became more concerned and am also dealing with what i believe to be ptsd from this incident and maybe also things that happened at younger ages. i am on disability for mood disorders. over the past few years i have been doing my own research on this and paying closer attention to my body. i have noticed that when i urinate it comes out of the vaginal opening. other than that and the hymen i look completely normal. i have felt myself and noticed that it feels hollow when i press to the sides, like there is almost no vaginal wall. just a harder kind of ring at the opening. i do have lots of pain in my abdomen, i experience cramps headaches and periods of increased sex drive during certain times of the month. i have thin dry brittle hair that is slow growing. i have facial hair in the neck area which i pluck. my breasts are not the same size or shape and i have been told i have fiborous tissue breasts. i look completely female. all my blood tests have come back to say that i have the proper amount of both testosterone and estrogen. i dont think that sex feels quite as good as it should. only when i am stressed and just not into it i have problems with dryness. it is never painful though. i have been able to achieve satisfaction easier with clitoral and vaginal stimulation but never with vaginal alone. what am i? am i a hermaphrodite or did i really have a sex change at birth? i am very confused my stress anxiety and depression are getting worse. i live in constant fear of talking to the man i love about this and also of someone else trying to kill me. it has happened by the guy who touched me. i cannot afford to go to a doctor. the day i went to get my wedding dress my mother was crying. i asked her why and she replied " i had to cash in the life insurance policy i had on you to buy this wedding dress" i couldnt at the time understand her and she told me "i really never expected you to live this long" im very scared and confused. i dont know what to do and all this has caused me so much mental and emotional turmoil. i dont know what i am and i dont know what to do.