Dear sir;
I am from Kerala..I am in 25 now..I have done my graduation in B.Tech Computer Science and Engineering .But currently I have backpapers.And after that I have done MBA in as correspondance.Till in +1 I was one of the top scorers in the school.I used to participate in dance,music,sports,writing and other competitions.When I was in school one of my friend told me..I am a very talented person...having skills at all the levels...studying,singing,dancing,drawing,sports and other extra curricular activities . I know I am a person with great grasping power....My parents also felt very proud of me..In +1 I was awarded as the class topper..Eveyone felt vry happy..I also thanked God for giving me such a wonderful life with very lucky days.I used to teach my friends who are weak in studies..Actually I found my success through their happiness and satisfaction..My expectations in life flew higher..I confidently believed great heights are waiting for me...

Days gone..One day when I studied with one of my friend suddenly I was distracted with the shadow of my pen felt on paper.I tried a lot..but Iwas not able to concentrate back in studies.We were doing Maths...I was afraid...I dont know what is happening ..I am not able to concentrate in my writing..as days gone I stopped writing and tried to concentrate in my reading..again I am getting distracted...now it is with the sounds...sound of fan,beetles,motor,machines,fridge,crows sound(birds and animals),vehicles..etc like something is compelling to search sounds to get distracted from studies..I didnt understand what it is?I told my parents..They also felt afraid.+2 exam was coming..Everyone is with great expectations..However I wrote exams..I was sure that I will not pass for even a single subject ,because in the exam hall fan is running in its maximum speed,many sounds are distracting my concentration..Moreover I cant write a single sentence perfectly dut to the shadow...but with Gods grace I passed ..After knowing the result not even a single teacher talked with me..I cant blame them.and myself..
We consulted one famous neurologist here..He referred to a psychiatrist..and without getting any result we consulted several doctors..and finally I was shocked understanding the reality..I am having OCD.But my hope was it can be cured easily within months and can be the old evershining person as before..Thtaswhy I joined enginnering, because I was that much aware of my abilities.For 4 years I had taken medicines for ocd continuously..But problem of the sound and shadow remained as before.Intensity sometimes reduces but cocentration problem was very big..
But one thing when I had under treatment there was no tensions with me..always happy whatever the situation is...I was carrying large number of backpapers at at that time..As per my old character I wouldhave come across suicide going through these kind of academic failures..I was not at all sad..After 4 years parents planned for marrige..in between I have gone through an affair..But fortunately came out of it suddenly..After B.Tech I had a crush with one of my best friend..He too loved me a lot.He knew everything about me..about my disease.and all..But my family is against it because of caste problem..so we are moving as friends itself..Now my condition is very worse..Now my whole life is flowing in OCD..I feel guilt of my intrusive thoughts..I cant speak properly thinking how tongue is twisting very fast as our wish..sound and shadow problems are still there.Guilty problem is one of my present big problem..not only that very very very bad thoughts that even cant told to a doctor...sometimes feel to call bad words to people..sometimes dont feel to step down in the stop while I am in bus..lot of thoughts and behaviours are disturbing my life daily..I have forgotten the days I smiled from the mind..
Now What my rule is to whomever I speak I shold tell my whole life story..otherwise I feel guilt..my relatives dont know about my disease and not everyone know about backpapers..but I feel guilt in hiding it..and I used to tell sometimes when I am not able to control..and my parents are in very depressed stage due to my behaviour..They dont know what to do..Now I am consulting one good psychologist..Doctor said,it isbetter not to take the medicine thinking about the side effects.I was in good shape in my study time... .Now I became very fat after having the treatment..My thoughts are disturbibg me very much..With great confidence I am trying to jump out of it..but not able to do so..I am not able to control myself..When disturbed with these thoughts my character is changing...my whole talents are breaking daily due to my unwantd thoughts.......plese reply me...I hopefully beleive that you will read this and give me a reply for my following questions...

1)Will my disease cured forver?..I want to live as before.within this age I suffered a lot from the age of 16...I am scared of my future..
2)Is there any surgery for this disease to be cured completely?
3)why it is happening?What is its root cause?
4)Will I be able to marry?
5)Should I prefer to marry a person who knows abut it?will anyone marry after knowing it?Here in Kerala broad minded people are very rare..
6)I heard it is a genetic disease..After marriage will it affect next generation?I dont have the ability to see another one too who is suffering from the same because of me..
7)Should I start the medication once more?should it be continued for the whole life through?
8)What are the best medicines preferebaly used presently?
9)will I be able to succeed in my future?will I be able to live without medicines and with my confidence..that I tried a lot..but..not able to control..
10)Is it a severe psychiatric disorder?


Thanking You
Chithranjali.G