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Question: Hi, I need your help as i am feeling stuckand really not able to know what to do further. As far as my life and problems are concerned, it is as follows. I was 11 year old when i lost my father. My Mom has brought me and my sibling (elder sister and an elder brother). we were financially ver poor at that time. My relatives at the starting helped us but then they started showing the attitude. My mom had suffered alot and faced so many problems for us. When i turned to 14, i came to know the bitter truth about my sister. My sister who was 19 at that time, was having a affair with my cousion's husband. It was really difficult for me to accept. i thought alot but could nt able to say it to mamma as i dnt want her to suffer more. Me and my mom are very close to each other. She loves me the most. That person helped us financially but me and my mom were neveer able to accept him as a person and because of that we started having tensions at home. One day me and my mom discussed about it (When i was 22) and we decided that we will not accept him. There used to be so many problems between my sister and my Mamma. i feel really bad that i could not able to save my mom from the abd words taht my sister used to say in anger. My sisier is very short tempored and after that incident i could not able to have a friendly relation with her as i always keep o thinking that she is lying. 2 yeras before we came to know that my mom is suffering from cancer and i lost her last year which has shattered me completely. The clashes between my Mom and my sister din't stop and it continued till we lose her. But my sister is the one who stays with my Mom at home as me and my borther are working. That person helped us very much at that time.i am full of guilt that i was not able to do anything for my Mom and could nt give her a healthy and happy life. Today, the problem is my sister wants me and my brother to get married and she wants us to settle down to Australia with her. But me and my brother are not able to accept this realtionship and not able to get what should we do. We know she is our sister and she wants good for us but her relationship with that person is untolerable for us. We tried to tell her but she never listens to aynything and says what we are doing is right. i dnt knw i feel like if i tried to accept this relationship then might be i will hurt my Mom very much. I have no confidence left in me. I am completely broken. i want my sister to live happily. But we dont knw how we (me and my borther) will be able to adjust with both of them in one house. I am relly not able to understand whether i should just break all my relation with my sister or i should just accept it and leave it all on destiny. Please help. i really dnt wanna my mother upset with me. I mis her alot and could nt accept till now that she is no more. i keep on crying as of helplessnes..i hope i am able to understand you my problem.Please help. please
Brief Answer:
Please see details below.
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
I went through your query in detail and can really understand the distress you must be in. I am really sorry to hear about your mother. You have really been through a lot throughout your life and at this young age have to manage through lots of difficulties.
I can understand that you and your brother don't like the person your sister is in relationship with. But that should not be nay reason to break relationship with your sister. If she is happy with a particular person, you can just accept it as a fact. Moreover, you yourself accept that the person in question has definitely helped you all in times of need.
You have mentioned that you have been working. So, you can make an independent decision about your life too. Going to Australia to your sister is not the only option in front of you. You have your whole life ahead. You can very well work on improving your career, later on select a life partner and settle down at a place of your choice.
More importantly, I feel that currently you are having symptoms suggestive of a depressive . I would recommend that you seek a psychiatric consultation for the same and initiate treatment. Medications like escitalopram or sertraline would be really beneficial and effective helping you out of current symptoms and will make you feel better. You will also be able to take better decision with a better frame of mind.
I do hope I was able to answer your query. Please let me know if you have any further queries. i will be glad to offer help.
Best wishes,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
Please see details below.
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
I went through your query in detail and can really understand the distress you must be in. I am really sorry to hear about your mother. You have really been through a lot throughout your life and at this young age have to manage through lots of difficulties.
I can understand that you and your brother don't like the person your sister is in relationship with. But that should not be nay reason to break relationship with your sister. If she is happy with a particular person, you can just accept it as a fact. Moreover, you yourself accept that the person in question has definitely helped you all in times of need.
You have mentioned that you have been working. So, you can make an independent decision about your life too. Going to Australia to your sister is not the only option in front of you. You have your whole life ahead. You can very well work on improving your career, later on select a life partner and settle down at a place of your choice.
More importantly, I feel that currently you are having symptoms suggestive of a depressive . I would recommend that you seek a psychiatric consultation for the same and initiate treatment. Medications like escitalopram or sertraline would be really beneficial and effective helping you out of current symptoms and will make you feel better. You will also be able to take better decision with a better frame of mind.
I do hope I was able to answer your query. Please let me know if you have any further queries. i will be glad to offer help.
Best wishes,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Hi XXXXXXX thanks for the help. As she is the eldest person, I dnt hv much previlige of saying no to the decision. And if I say no she does nt understand d point and tells us that she is nt concerned and do watever u want. I just feel sad for my mom that I could mt able to take ny stand for her and might be by going with my sister, I will hurt my mamma more..
Brief Answer:
You mother will love you no matter what you do.
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thanks for following up. I can understand your dilemma at this moment. But I disagree that you don't have the privilege to take your own decision. You can very well do that the same way your sister took an independent decision in her life. You should be the one who should decide and stand up for your won decision.
I am sure that your mother loved you a lot and she will definitely want you to be happy with whatever decision that you take. She would completely understand your reasons for deciding whatever you do and keep blessing you from wherever she is now. I don't think that your mother will get hurt by any decision that you take.
So, think about both the scenarios and their consequences. Make sure you make a decision with a positive frame of mind. You will be able to do well in both the scenarios and your mother will be there to guide you through.
I do hope that you are able to decide regarding this and also able to come out of your depression real fast. I will be there to guide you whenever you feel you need help.
Best wishes,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
You mother will love you no matter what you do.
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thanks for following up. I can understand your dilemma at this moment. But I disagree that you don't have the privilege to take your own decision. You can very well do that the same way your sister took an independent decision in her life. You should be the one who should decide and stand up for your won decision.
I am sure that your mother loved you a lot and she will definitely want you to be happy with whatever decision that you take. She would completely understand your reasons for deciding whatever you do and keep blessing you from wherever she is now. I don't think that your mother will get hurt by any decision that you take.
So, think about both the scenarios and their consequences. Make sure you make a decision with a positive frame of mind. You will be able to do well in both the scenarios and your mother will be there to guide you through.
I do hope that you are able to decide regarding this and also able to come out of your depression real fast. I will be there to guide you whenever you feel you need help.
Best wishes,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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