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Suffering from mental disturbance. Have bp and cholesterol problem. How to get relief?

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Practicing since : 2003
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My life is pathatic-didn't get proper guidance, care, education, marriage , job all against the wishes. I am an engineer and working in a XXXXXXX Job satisafaction. salary satisfaction is not there.
Wife is 12 yrs younger to me, quarelling, ill tempered, with no good maners with me, we have a beautiful 6 yrs pld daughter ,she is very intelligent, but she is also not getting timely food, and timely studying, habit formation is being spoiled by her mother. i know my wife is going in wrong direction but she will not obey me but her own parents and sisters. she is not in talikng terms with my parents. this has resulted a health problem , mental problem for me. i am living in a comapny qtr in south india and we r bengali.
I hv cholestorel, bp and sleeping pill i have to take regualarly after marriage so much of tension.
she is telling me she doesn't want to look to me.
i hv taken spiritual help but of no use.
she is not at all adjustable type. recently she has started abusing me infront of others. she is mentally stable other wise why she is not good to me and my family only.
she is not giving me food in right time even to my daughter. she takes lunch at 3 pm regularly, diner
at 11:30 pm never takes food with me.
i hv bp,cholestorle, anxiety , disstafaction about life , sllep problem and taking medicine for all including slleping pill.
can u suugest me how to handle her. from the first day of my marriage she is not good towrds me.
earlier i used to compalint to my inlaws but of no use.
recently my father in law had cancer for prostate and i took maximum pain to get him operated keeping him in my qtr etc.

she is not talking with my family at all.

so if any psychiatric counselling is there pl provide.
she is even telling for sex only u r coming to me.
she is not giving me timely food.
because of my dignity i can't sahre this to othrs other than my parents.

Posted Thu, 22 Nov 2012 in Mental Health
Answered by Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar 2 hours later
Hello and welcome to Healthcare Magic. Thanks for your query.

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. I can understand that you must be going through a very difficult time.

It is obvious that currently you are under a lot of mental stress and tension. You already have medical problems also like BP and high cholesterol. So, it is important that you keep your stress levels under control. Otherwise it would have adverse consequences not only on your mental health but also on your physical health as well.

Now, you mention that most of your stress is due to your wife's attitude and behaviour and that she is doing it willfully. In this situation, you must first keep yourself calm and composed in order to solve this problem better. If you become extremely affected, stressed out and depressed, then the problem will only be getting more complicated. You have to first accept the fact that this is her nature and that it is not possible to change it immediately. Once you are able to accept this, then you will slowly learn not to get so affected by her behaviour and hence not get so stressed out. I'm not saying that what she doing is right, but the fact is that she is if she is doing it purposely and you are left with no choice. So, from your side, the best option would be to learn how not to get affected by this as much as possible.

If you are so stressed out due to multiple problems - because of your wife, your work, financial problems, etc. then there is a risk that you can go into a major depression. So, my advise to you would be first stabilize and relax yourself. Once you are in a calm state of mind, then you will be in a better position to make the right decisions. Then you can dicuss with your wife and convince her to come for marriage counselling. Because this relationship involves two people, therapy must include both persons.

Right now, I would advise you to see a psychiatrist for a detailed evaluation. If necessary, you may need medication for a short duration to relax your mind and control your anxiety. You also need to go for regular counselling sessions to learn coping skills and stress management techniques.

Wish you all the best.

- Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist
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