Hi, I’m in a serious crisis. Over around a month now I have watched my mother go from a completely organized, thoughtful, planning, multi-tasking individual. To a person who needs me to transport in a wheelchair everywhere outside (Inside she seems to be able to walk around all day, but gets stuck moving in a repetitive pattern) to having extreme Charly horses that’s not to be mistaken as if she always had cramps like that this much, no, none of the symptoms I explain here were happening the time before around Christmas. All of them are new and have happened out of the length of when she went off her pain medication to go on something she felt would be a safer alternative to take continuously for her chronic pain the rest of her life Suboxone. It worked really well, for her pain & a huge reason why she went on it was because a loved one was addicted to opioids & she was helping them recover, so she didn’t want to bring them temptation and for a lot of other big things, like not wanting to be on oxycodone for the rest of her life ‘hearing how bad it is for you, she was a very self aware caring person’ she started the suboxone andvone of the very visual and irritable side effects she expressed was spacey feelings & forgetfulness, & migraines, but on the list of side effects these were very common & nothing to be to concerned about. Even though to me it seemed like something you should’ve been worried about. The benefits though out weighed the negatives because for the first time in a long time she wasn’t in pain and the medication worked for a long time ( pain relief was constant throughout the day & night without feeling the need for more of the medication) it was nice to see her out of pain. It was a stress off mine and hers shoulder. Now though I can only hope that we weren’t that stupid to ignore such side effects. I can only hope that that’s what wrong also, and gladly be titled stupid to find a solution for what is happening & has happened to my mother & her body, but much more apparent, her mind. No longer can she multitask, but gets stuck in a high energy tasks that she can’t complete and this continues for for days and consist of hours in a loop of activity where she starts on something without a meaning to her actions, but as if she was forever “prepping” I would call it. Always changing the location if things and when I take her out in the wheelchair, anything that’s a pamphlets, or a useless advertisement she feels she needs to add to her pile of papers she never actually goes over at home, or does anything with, but feels drawn to collect & have for no reason. As if she’s only capable of focusing on something in time presented to her when she see’s it. And can’t connect the amount of importance or to ignore it because it’s not prevalent to her life in any meaning. From a person who only had major depression, but was on top of that to a person who you would call. Psychosis, manic, depressive behavior, all of the above etc. to a person who at sometimes shows childish behavior for being a 59-year-old adult. For a person who likes complete awareness, but no awareness at all. Except until the day around January 31 late at night she finally expressed to me that, if I hadn’t knownShe has been acting very strangely, and she’s very scared that something has happened to her mind. She cried and expressed to me how sorry she was. The reason why because she overheard me say in the video that I was recording, trying to show Dr. her condition, but I said in the video that I go in the Bathroom and cry so I don’t show my mother so I don’t stress her out making her condition worse. She showed awareness and on video cried her eyes out and said I don’t wanna do this to you, maybe I should go on to care facility because I don’t want to do this your life. After a whole month and a half it was like she became aware for those moments. She also told me that afterwords she felt like she was about to have a seizure, (she’s epileptic) but I’m very intuned to whss as t auras look like, almost as if I know before her a spidey sense I’ve developed and I knew that wasn’t it. I told her” I don’t think that’s it I’ve given you your Keppra at the appropriate time.” She later adapted the feeling to itching all over and requesting I bring her this itching lotion we had on hand, After she puts it on she tells me one final feeling before her self awareness fades away “she feels as if she’s having a allergic reaction, but she’s not sure as to what she’s come into contact with, except for latex gloves and she concludes that maybe she’s allergic to latex. The only problem with that conclusion of hers is that she’s never had a allergy to latex before. Unless if somehow your immune system can be so out of whack it creates new allergies? But I personally think at this time she was able to express self awareness of what was happening to her, itching frantically and moving vigorously. Was ax’s rly what has been happening to her for a period of time now, her own body/mind, something inside her, whatever that may be I’m not a doctor WAS FLARING UP AT THE MOMENT ATTACKING WHATEVER THE CONNECTION IS BETWEEN OUR SENSATION TO THOUGHTS INTO MOVEMENT/LIMBS INTO EXPERIENCE OF HEAT, COLD, GRAVITY, MOTION, POSITION, TIME, PRESENT, PRESENCE, PAST, AND FUTURE WAS BEING DAMAGED BY A FOREIGN SUBSTANCE LIKE SUBOXONE, OR A Familiar substance like her own auto immune system. Make a lot of sense to explain as if she had MS, But that’s just very hard to find possible that the doctor could not discovered that after all these years. I guess I can’t if she wasn’t able to be self-aware of it herself. Which is the key I guess for any doctor to request testing but that’s just very hard to find possible that the doctor could not discover that after all these years. I guess they can’t if she wasn’t able to be self-aware of it herself. Which is the key I guess for any doctor to request the testing. I was already suspicious of it though, even before I was very focused on taking mental notes because I knew her self awareness wouldn’t last forever so I got what I needed as much as I could While it lasted. I knew it wasn’t going to last so I didn’t waste time. I recorded and took mental notes of every occurrence I could. I asked her how she was feeling when she was software take a note, asked her how she was feeling after she wasn’t self-aware anymore, take a nap. I noticed a huge difference because the direction her thoughts go. One moment there grounded & the other moment your asking XXXXXXX to play Rocket man. So breakdown. #1 she has a breakdown, but doesn’t recover so I guess that’s not a mental breakdown as it would appear. #2 No behind the scenes trama had happened to lose her sense of reality that quickly, it happened after a slow, but fast change of a few days most noticeable that is of her behaviors/thoughts/ & abilities to carry out them declined without notice. To imagine what I’m talking about try and imagine the dinosaurs processing what was happening when a rock had decided their fate. I’m pretty sure their thought process changed from gathering food and substaining their species survival to the thought process of “ run forest ruuuuuun “one direction with no direction. To extreme charly horses. To a completely different perspective of her own reality Changing everything from her behaviors to caring out actions & remembering anything like appointments, or what she wanted to do at 2:00pm but never focused or remembered to look at the clock as she was for many hours prepping to ‘go.’ Its only with my 24hr being a care giver and reminding, pushing to move on to something else that she actually does, but won’t without a fight, or a hassle depending on if she feels like your attacking her, or if you’ve been showing frustration and anger ( only makes her 10x worse and if you care will put your own will and will & ego aside and adopt patience ( only hope is to study patience and accept that your not going to abandon the quest to her recovery, so learn that stress is not only your poison but the person you love who I’ll as well.” She’ll behave childish, but not, more like cry and take something that isn’t happening her way and get really upset about it because she isn’t able to understand why, or why someone isn’t listening to her reasoning she came up with to be true to her. LISTEN please someone out there If you really spend the time to read this and the time to reply please do so if you know how to help me. I need guidance. I’m honestly scared. I’m going insane in a different way. I feel helpless. I’m started to feel sick I’m so stressed with this. I I swear if I haven’t already, I’m growing a tumor. I find that I’m getting caught up in my own thoughts and searching and constantly learning, I’ve changed our diet to a 1 meal & 4 shakes of fruit and vegetables blended up in a nutribullet RX a day. I’m recording her blood pressure. Giving her medication to her now. Making her bed even. To scheduling her appointments. Taking her out to eat in her wheelchair etc. making sure even if she’s like this the rest of her life that doesn’t mean she deserves to be locked away from the world. I’m trying to change everything about me to put her first, but at the same time understand if I don’t find a coping remedy for whatever is to come I’m in trouble, not only psychologically but physically and financially. I need to be able to see outside her care and wellbeing. I’m noticing that it’s becoming harder to see outside of that. I’m so consumed, confused, I’m scared if I don’t see my own impending doom by not getting her into a care facility as I am neglecting to do, but begin to wonder if I still visit her almost everyday. Isn’t that the right thing to do? I need advice. I’m on my knees praying for it actually. Maybe someone can even see for sure and give me a diagnosis. If you can for her and me. Be truthful. Do you think I can stick this out and she’ll get better like before when she had a stroke 5 years ago, even though it took a year it got better. I actually can’t do that again without becoming homeless because at the time I had my fathers inheritance from passing to care for her. I can send you videos of her on the XXXXXXX 31st 2020. If someone will take the time to watch what I’m trying to explain as words you’ll never get the full picture, thank you.