I am very miserable although i never show it. I was raped at 16,aborted a baby at 18weeks, was bullied everyday at school 4 years straight. My mum was so poor when we were kids we had to have ice cream for breakfast. Ive never had a friend that hadnt stabbed me in the back and i cry everyday of my life. I feel better when i drink and smoke , i struggle with going to work cause if something bad is said about me i will take it to heart and just cry, reaslising another person i cant trust. I have thoughts of killing myself and the only reason i havent is because of my partner. We have been together 4years and helped me through everything. I also struggle to start convos with people my mind is just blank. I pretend to be happy tto not look like a freak but i am damaged beyond words mentally. I finally cracked today and need help. This isnt me. I was made homeless at 18 cause my parents couldnt afford to keep me and im the olddest of 4 kids. I have been struggling trying to live with this and work to pay my rent despite wanting to die. I am only 20 and this is not me mentally somethings wrong but i dont know where to start to look for help so i came here.