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Miserable feeling that eases with smoking and drinking, pretend to be happy inspite of mental distress. Any help?

I am very miserable although i never show it. I was raped at 16,aborted a baby at 18weeks, was bullied everyday at school 4 years straight. My mum was so poor when we were kids we had to have ice cream for breakfast. Ive never had a friend that hadnt stabbed me in the back and i cry everyday of my life. I feel better when i drink and smoke , i struggle with going to work cause if something bad is said about me i will take it to heart and just cry, reaslising another person i cant trust. I have thoughts of killing myself and the only reason i havent is because of my partner. We have been together 4years and helped me through everything. I also struggle to start convos with people my mind is just blank. I pretend to be happy tto not look like a freak but i am damaged beyond words mentally. I finally cracked today and need help. This isnt me. I was made homeless at 18 cause my parents couldnt afford to keep me and im the olddest of 4 kids. I have been struggling trying to live with this and work to pay my rent despite wanting to die. I am only 20 and this is not me mentally somethings wrong but i dont know where to start to look for help so i came here.
Asked On : Fri, 21 Dec 2012
Answers:  2 Views:  18
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Psychiatrist 's  Response

Welcome to HealthcareMagic Public Forum

From description it appear that you have depression and substance use problem. Excess substance use also increases depression in long term, although it give relief for short duration.

Considering complexity and severity of your problem, I would advise you to visit nearby psychiatrist.

I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you.
Wish you Good Health.

Dr. Ashish Mittal
Answered: Thu, 3 Jan 2013
I find this answer helpful
Psychiatrist Dr. Sundar Gnanavel's  Response
I can understand your predicament and your adverse past. What you require at this juncture is supportive psychotherapy and psychological counselling to vent out your thoughts. You are prone to develop an adjustment disorder or depressive disorder in response to your life stressors. An evaluation of your coping skills and bolstering of the same with help of a psychologist is essential in the circumstances. Last but not the least never lose hope. Hope you find the suggestions useful.
Dr Sundar Gnanavel
Answered: Thu, 3 Jan 2013
I find this answer helpful
Disclaimer: These answers are for your information only and not intended to replace your relationship with your treating physician.
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