I seriously think you should see a mental health provider to evaluate and hopefully address some of these fears with you. There are medications which are helpful and safe for psychiatric issues during pregnancy. In the US there are psychologists who specialize in perinatal psychology. Your avoidance of health care providers can put your health at risk, and your not being comfortable discussing your pregnancy even with your mother is concerning. Your baby will not have a good and healthy life without a mom who can manage psychologically, and if you had a breakdown postpartum, which may mean an episode of postpartum depression, it has a high recurrence risk. Please try to see a psychologist or counselor. The prenatal car will take care of itself one you are more stable. I hope this was helpful and good luck.