Question: My very very intimate friend/colleague , 20 yrs younger than me - 39 yrs old, is behaving very strangely in the office. She works under me, very caring and concerned for my comforts, but in course of time she has taken over many activities in her hands saying that you cannot handle it, decide it or even understand it. She is not at all ambitious or jealous, we work for a XXXXXXX selfless work. I, with compassion and consideration of her capacities, allowed her. But now the situation has worsened to my horror, she seems to be under some disorder. She even tries to put words in my mouth, does not allow me to decide about keeping a paper on the table, my own work area also is decided by her. She now loses her control over anger, has furious outbursts. The story is long, sorry the symptoms are endless...
With all this, when she is quiet or outside work place, she is like a kitten, so lovable, sweet and cosy. I am afraid, is she really having some trouble lurking? What should I do. I know if I quit or be strict or resist she will break. Please throw some light/ guide me.

1. How close is the relationship?
Very close and loving

2. Is she close to your family and friend circle?
My husband and my friend cant stand each other. I suffer their enmity. All my other family members and friends appreciate and love her.

3. Is your friend/colleague married? How are her personal and social relationships? Does she have any other friends? Is she close to any other colleague in your workplace?
She is not married. She is reserved type, clear in talking but at times curt to people who try to take advantage. No other close friends. Not close to ANY one in work place

4. How is she at work? Confident and Good?
Very confident, enthusiast, good in her work and dealing

5. Any events (pleasant/ unpleasant) in her life that she has shared with you from her past life?
She has told each and every details of her past/present life

6. Friendship related only to office or beyond office hours?
Our friendship is beyond office hours.

Thanks Doctor for your reply. I appreciate your conclusions.
I will answer your questions in the last part of your response. I am sorry if you find it too much descriptive and lengthy.

My husband also is in the same unit where me and my friend work. Actually I am over all in charge, my husband looks after website section. My husband also is over possessive I think. He was comfortable in the beginning [of my closeness to my friend in the office]. As she is 20 years younger to us, she was treated as our daughter. But after 3-4 years, I do not know why but he developed dislike for her which was expressed in small matters. We both friends have lot of similarity in thoughts, taste, work, systematic planning, food, fun and so on. This made our teamwork so perfect that it was seen as a good example.
He took it as, I being over powered by her, which was not true. Yes, because of the harmony of thoughts, planning and patterns in work, everything matched even if we word on separate matters. He thought that I follow her instructions, I speak what she makes me speak, I take decisions what she dictates. At this juncture she had only 3-4 years of working with our unit. I was so happy to have such an assistant.
He started showing open resistance which she took widely and pushed me more towards him. I was unhappy as he was wrong in his thoughts, impressions, conclusions and expressions. If I submit to him he will think, its because I am afraid or am wrong. Still, I tried to established harmony around. He even insisted that I should leave working 'around' her and change my table to his section [in other building where he works, opposite to my office] I opposed and refused, firstly, I decide everything, I do not have to obey his decision and for what should I change my place, just because he does not like my working with her? My refusal and non acceptance of his suggestion/compulsion drove him to conclude, she dectated me to speak so. I was shocked to hear that. In good moods I told him that look, I am at her mother's age, I have experience of life, I have my intelligence to judge things and I have lived/worked till her entry in the unit, the same way as I do today. Does he think I am ignorant that I need anyone's opinion to run my unit? that too a new comer? Well, later he expressed in a very wild manner in front of us, insulted me which broke her within. She lost the respect and concern for him. She never forgot for a moment how in insulted and threatened me in her presence, in the office. Such person cannot be in her diary of life at all. She developed tremendous dislike for him, disagreement to whatever he does in the department.Whatever he talked in his section came to our ears which saddened me. It never stopped till date. Now he is sick and advised not to attend the demanding work. But his almost null involvement in work did not relieve her. She is the result of all his misbehaviour, loose talk about her, insults to me etc. The frustration took its toll.

She never dominated my personal life, except for expressing her sadness about the insults I faced. She always tried to comfort me by amusing me when I am sad, even doing urgent shopping for home, caring for our relatives when they visit us, at times provide some food so that after office I have less trouble in cooking. He appreciated her cooking but at our dinning table only. He never thanked her next day or ever appreciated her help which saved a lot of trouble to us.

She stopped coming to my home, visiting my relatives at my place, avoiding any gathering at my place. I miss her and feel her absence. He did not care for it.

In last 4-5 years she has developed into what I reported as a problem. As she advanced in work, I allowed her to take some responsibilities. I supported her as she was right and he being wrong whenever he confronted us. I played risk in supporting her but I cannot but support the right against wrong at my work place. I overlooked her overdoes for this reason, overlooked her criticism about him as she was true and I cannot defend him, though he is my husband. She is aware of my sympathy for her. Well, in spite of all this, at home we lived a good life.. yes with no mention of points of disharmony.

My shortcoming made me cripple, made her more powerful. The result is what she is today. What tiny matter will flare up violently is unpredictable. Even while I am interacting with you, I faced severe reactions twice and later she tried to soothe me with heart full of apology.

As I mentioned earlier, he is totally down with Auto Immune Encephalitis and I am afraid she shows the same behavioral pattern which he did all these years. In fact, I have two sever situations, at home and at office. At home he is in restful state, not much active and at office she is in unpredictable mood which keeps me in so low profile.

Its too much I feel, there is no end to details. As an expert you can understand my situation also. Thanks again for your help.
Awaiting your reply.