Question: Help me understand my father please. First, my mother has many issues such as OCD, manipulation and rages. But my dad is also hard to understand.
My dad is a transvestite. He hid this from me and my mother until one day he dressed up as the opposite sex and posed to the next-door neighbour to see him. Why would he do this? The police were called after this and they came to the house. This is when I found out. Life was then hell for quite some time, we had to move, there were constant arguments etc. Why would he do what he did? Did he not realise how it would affect his son?
I always worry that I was abused, and it freaks me out to think my dad could have, although I have nothing set in stone or remember such. I’m anxious and paranoid most of the time and when young wouldn’t trust anyone. I feel someone did something, but have no proof.
My dad is a business man and earns quite a lot of money, my mother would have probably left him but found she wouldn’t as she has never really worked.
I find my dad stares out you with his eyes, I sadly have this too. I haven’t noticed him blink much. Another thing is that he can treat you a bit like a child, something my uncle said when he spoke to my father. He doesn’t have any friends, not sure if this is due to the dressing up, or my mother who doesn’t have friends either.
He talks down about other people when promoted. I might mention that another family have a business etc and doing well. He hates this and says they are idiots. I even get the vibe that we feel he must do better than me (I have a business) – this might just be my paranoia though. My dad also said recently that he has achieved much more than my uncle who was a science teach lecturer and that my uncle is jealous of him.
He said that he would ‘manipulate’ his mother into giving me some funds for a house. Said she needs to be worked on. Seemed a bit strange to put it in that context? Not sure. His mother is very bossy and she sent him to private school ages just 7 from where he was apparently bullied.
My mother is very dominant, manipulative and can rage if you question her too much when she will deflect her behaviour onto you etc. My dad is weak deep down.
My dad has got me a Christmas card to give to his mother, my other grandmother and to him and my mother. Gifts too to give to his mother. Is he trying to help me out, this is what he has normally done with my mother, or is this something else? He didn’t ask me. But I don’t visit shops often due to social anxiety. Maybe I am reading too much into this?
One other thing on my mind was that I stuck up for my mother in an argument with the family, when they phoned. She said thanks and shook my hand. Is that normal?
Really looking for advice, as all of this is making my paranoia and anxiety much worse, fuelling it. I think it could be at the core too, but again I don’t know. Sadly, I feel as though I cannot trust my family. I can explain in much more detail about it, but what do you think Is going on and please advise.

Thanks for the reply.
Is it normal to have parents with narcissistic traits? I've not seen my dad rage to criticism, this is something my mother does. I'm confused between the two and feel paranoid myself questioning everything. Please advise.

Please help.

So, I've got what I believe to be social anxiety, I struck up the courage to re-mention it to my parents. My mother showed little interest and said "She will be moving out soon" - no care about me. I am 28, but as usual, it's often all about her, and if you have a problem it doesn't all that matter. Then she manipulates my dad into siding with her (he is weak). I've had this often growing up. Because of this, I believe maybe this is why I have social anxiety and have a totally bad image of my self. What on earth is this behavior? It worries me, my dad is planning to help with rented or a house - but it means I cannot escape this in one way. But I haven't the finances to do much else or confidence.



My mother has to be right, always. The family are to blame, she fell out with them all. Neighbors she never got on with, has no friends. Is totally nasty.



It felt terrible, she was showing zero empathy, going on and on about her self, making sure nothing could be said about her etc. Then I'm to blame! My dad said I was trying to split them up???? This was because I was attempting to seek help for social anxiety, then it gets turned into a topic about my mother???



Please help talk this through, it makes me feel bad. I'd like to try CBT.