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How To Deal With A Alcoholic And Bisexual Partner?

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Posted on Tue, 27 Sep 2016
Question: MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 44 YRS. HE HAS BEEN DRINKING ALCOHOL FOR 50 YEARS. HE YELLS AND CURSES AT ME ALL THE TIME. I WENT TO SEE A PSYCOLOGIST AND HE TOLD ME TO GO UPSTAIRS DO NOT FIGHT WITH HIM. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING. I AM HANDICAPPED, MY DOCTOR TELLS ME THAT I NEED TWO REPLACEMENT KNEES BUT, I WILL NOT GET THEM. WHEN I DO LEAVE THE HOUSE HE YELLS AT ME WHEN I COME HOME. THIS MAN MAKES ME VERY NERVOUS, THIS IS WHY I STARTED TAKING THE LORAZAPAM 12 YEARS AGO. ALSO I WAS RAPED BY MY ROOFER A FEW YEARS AGO TOLD MY HUSBAND HE SAID THE MAN SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME. XXXXXXX MY HUSBAND, DID TRY TO KILL ME 12 YEARS AGO WITH SLEEPING PILLS PUT INTO A GLASS OF MILK THAT I KEPT IN THE REFRIGERATOR TO TAKE WITH MY MEDICATIONS. AT THE TIME I WAS TAKING PHENDIMETRAZINE AND THIS DRUG SAVED MY LIFE BECAUSE I HAD DRANK THE MILK, HOPPPED INTO MY CAR WITH MY 15 YR OLD DAUGHTER AND WENT TO THE DOCTOR WHO PRESCRIBED AND GAVE ME THE PHENDIMETRAZINE IN HIS OFFICE. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO SHORT OR DIVORCING MY HUSBAND. OH YEA, WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN 19 YEARS AND WHEN WE WERE DATING HE USED TO MEET AN OLDER MAN WHO HAD SEX WITH YOUNGER MEN. THIS MAN WOULD GIVE XXXXXXX HIS CAR, WAIT BY MY HOME FOR HIM WHEN HE WOULD DROP ME OFF AFTER A DATE. ALSO THIS MAN, XXXXXXX WILDER, CAME UP TO ME WHEN I WAS AT THE PO AND TOLD ME XXXXXXX PREFERS TO BE WITH HIM. THIS WAS 32 YEARS AGO WHEN MY MIDDLE SON WAS 4.

I WAS ALSO RAPED BY ANOTHER MAN 7 YEARS AGO. AGAIN I TOLD XXXXXXX AND HE SAID THAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN KILLED. XXXXXXX IS 6'2" WT, 300 LBS, VERY LARGE POT BELLY. IS NICE TO EVERYONE BUT ME AND MY OLDER SON. WE HAD TO GET MARRIED BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT IN 1972. THIS IS WHY HE HATES ME AND MY OLDER SON, XXXXXXX JR. XXXXXXX HAS TOLD ME TO DATE OTHER MEN, AND I DO. YOU KNOW REGULAR MEN ACT TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN MY HUSBAND. HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT HIS MOM USED TO WASH HIS PRIVATE PARTS UNTIL HE WAS 14 YRS OLD.

I HAVE TALKED WITH 7 PSYS. AND HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I AM SANE. REASON I SAW SO MANY WAS MY HUSBAND TELLS ME I AM NUTS AND A DRUG ADDICT.

I AM SCHEDULED TO SEE ANOTHER DR ON WED.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (1 hour later)
Brief Answer:
Question

Detailed Answer:
Hello and welcome,

I am very sorry for the difficulties you have had over the years. What information can I provide to help you? What specific question do you have that I can help with?
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (16 hours later)
Is my husband bisexual? Does he blame me and his son for him being married? I have an appt w a therapist tomorrow.
I will be told leave him. I have one living sister who will not talk with me, and my friends are afraid of my husband cause he is tall and strong.
I am handicapped. When I called Women's Resources the person who answered the phone told me they only handle recent rape victims, of which I am not.
I do walk away and go upstairs to my bedroom. But how long must a party stay cooped up to avoid confrontation.
The man has a gun on top of the refrigerator. Kills animals in my yard. He is not a threat to me as of yet but when will all this craziness stop?
Should I sneak him medication in his drinks?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (1 hour later)
Brief Answer:
Suggestions

Detailed Answer:
This is truly a difficult situation you are in.

Your husband may be bisexual or homosexual.

I cannot say whether he blames you and his son for your marriage. But this would be a long time to hold a grudge.

Given the alcohol abuse, it sounds like an unsafe situation, and a very negative situation for you. Without your husband being motivated and engaging in couples counseling, it is unlikely that the situation will get any better.

I do not know what your disabilities are, but when you see the therapist tomorrow, ask for the therapist to help you arrange a consult with a social worker. Women's Resources is not the only resource you have available to you. There are ways for a person with a disability to leave a volatile destructive relationship and have support.

What do you get out of staying in this relationship?


Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (16 minutes later)
It is easier said than done. I get no pleasure out of being her just a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I have no money just a small disability check. I must pay my own medical expenses and medication which are costly sometimes. So I leave my house (my name is on the deed) live in an impoverished environment for peace of mind. I do not think so. How does one tell if a husband is bisexual or homosexual? His mother sexually abused him. Can this be one of his problems? By the way, she is still alive. She never liked me but had problems with the favorite daughter in law, now I am shall we say, tolerated by her.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (1 hour later)
Brief Answer:
Information

Detailed Answer:
Some people are not even sure themselves whether they are bisexual vs homosexual, but if a person exclusively prefers men and has no sexual attraction to women, they are most likely homosexual in orientation.

I still would suggest that when you talk with the therapist that you ask how to get help from a social worker and social services. If your name is on the deed of your house, you may have more assets than you think.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (1 hour later)
I am sorry but, talking to a social worker is mindless. They would not know how to answer me either. Thank you for the double talk. You never answered my question. To you, my questions read unrealistically silly and stupid.
You never answered my question about his mother bathing his penis until he was 14 years of age normal.
You never answered the difference between bisexual and homosexual.
If a man was sexually abused until he was 14 years of age by his mother, then sexually taken advantage of by a homosexual man when he was 15 years of age. This same man at the age of 18 rapes his now wife, me. Gets her pregnant, marries her. Does not want to have sex with her. She must beg him. Stops having sex and sleeping in the same bed with her 19 years ago.
Constantly nags and bitches at her, a handicapped woman who can barely walk along with other diseases. How can she stop him? Can she stop him? She is tired of him calling her by her deceased mother's name. Along with the loud cursing, words bad words. Is there even a right answer? About a minute ago, he brought up the towels to fold that were in the dryer. She asked him to please shut off the fan and put on the air conditioner. She got up started to close the doors. He gets up throws the towels on the sofa in the living room. She puts a heavy box on the floor that he placed on the couch which was alongside the towels. He stomps into the front room, grabs the towels throws them down the dingy dirty cellar. Then proceeds to tell her to fix her own car, which my son told him the muffler was falling off. This man sold my car. This car is his car which he allows me to use. He pulls it out of the driveway fast and places it on the street. Is this normal behavior?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (11 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Information.

Detailed Answer:
Is he willing to go for couple's counseling? I think this is the only way to get these issues sorted out.

Bisexual orientation - attraction to both genders.
Homosexual orientation - attraction to one's own gender
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (9 days later)
No he is not willing to go for counseling. Thank you for your insight.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (2 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
The counselor you saw:

Detailed Answer:
I am not sure how I can help. Was the counselor you saw able to offer any useful insights or suggestions?
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (14 minutes later)
I am sure I will be able to figure this out. Thank you for your insight.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh (5 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
OK

Detailed Answer:
Ok, good luck and wishing you well.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
Answered by
Dr.
Dr. Bonnie Berger-Durnbaugh

General & Family Physician

Practicing since :1991

Answered : 3134 Questions

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How To Deal With A Alcoholic And Bisexual Partner?

Brief Answer: Question Detailed Answer: Hello and welcome, I am very sorry for the difficulties you have had over the years. What information can I provide to help you? What specific question do you have that I can help with?