Welcome to HCM
From your question I can understand your problem, and your state of mind. Manic Depressive Illness
is an episodic illness and it tend to recur in time of some significant life event, which has happened in your case. Its really bad but you have to come out of this depression
. You are having death wishes and it is a big thing. Kindly discuss this with some close friend or family member. Life is a precious gift by God and we should not even think about death. Think of your life, your family members who love you, who care about you. You don't want to put your family through heartache, but by death wishes you will just hurt them. So don't even think about this.
Secondly about treatment, Manic Depressive Illness responds to treatment and very nice medicines are available with very few side effects. So kindly visit a good psychiatrist
and get well soon. Have faith in yourself.