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Suggest Treatment For Depression Due To A Broken Relationship
Question: hi ..
i dont know whats happening with me,,,but i know that its not normal.i dont want to talk to anyone,want to be alone or i am slleping all day...
i'll be getting married in nov/dec.my marriage was fixwd in dec 2013.from that time i am not able to accept this marriage.i want to be happy in my life ,have a family ,,but dont kno whats rong with me.
i did not wanted to get married that time.my father wanted me to do so.he said atleast let it be fixed,,,,marriage can be done at any time.
in 2013 XXXXXXX my mother expired,my boyfriend broke up with me in aug month.i was totally down that time.me and my boyfriend still talk and also got physical some time.i know really love him.but he dont.we dont have a future together.from starting he has just ignored me.i have tried to remove him from my life,not talking.,,,everything available on net.but in the end i talk to him ,and it satrts again.we are not in a relationship.
i just want to get over this.leave him forever.want to move on in my life.but dont know how?
please suggest me what i should do.>???
i dont know whats happening with me,,,but i know that its not normal.i dont want to talk to anyone,want to be alone or i am slleping all day...
i'll be getting married in nov/dec.my marriage was fixwd in dec 2013.from that time i am not able to accept this marriage.i want to be happy in my life ,have a family ,,but dont kno whats rong with me.
i did not wanted to get married that time.my father wanted me to do so.he said atleast let it be fixed,,,,marriage can be done at any time.
in 2013 XXXXXXX my mother expired,my boyfriend broke up with me in aug month.i was totally down that time.me and my boyfriend still talk and also got physical some time.i know really love him.but he dont.we dont have a future together.from starting he has just ignored me.i have tried to remove him from my life,not talking.,,,everything available on net.but in the end i talk to him ,and it satrts again.we are not in a relationship.
i just want to get over this.leave him forever.want to move on in my life.but dont know how?
please suggest me what i should do.>???
Brief Answer:
need few details and please have courage.
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
I have read the query carefully and can understand that you are in a fix...
let me tell you one main thing:- it is a very Common situation...and many people (both boys and girls ) go through this phase..
I want to have some answers before I give you any advice( as the query does not mention them):-
1.are you in talking terms with the man (fiancee) you will be getting married in nov. Or december?
2. What do you feel about your fiancee now?
3. What were the points in your fiancee which you didnt like earlier or the reasons you didnt want to marry him?
4. What are your fiancee's good points over your boyfriend?
5. Do you think you are in depression at present?
6. What is your education?
And please donot try to find momentry happiness by talking to your boyfriend or in meeting him..he is very clear that he wont marry you and you too will not marry him. The small good feeling which you have in meeting him brings lot of guilt and sadness later..and makes you more sad...and anxious..
you should be firm and this can be done..
may be you can join a hobby class or meet your friends and expand your social circle to keep you distracted.
Please provide answers to the above questions.
Wish you good luck.
Dr. Manisha Gopal
MD Neuropsychiatry
need few details and please have courage.
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
I have read the query carefully and can understand that you are in a fix...
let me tell you one main thing:- it is a very Common situation...and many people (both boys and girls ) go through this phase..
I want to have some answers before I give you any advice( as the query does not mention them):-
1.are you in talking terms with the man (fiancee) you will be getting married in nov. Or december?
2. What do you feel about your fiancee now?
3. What were the points in your fiancee which you didnt like earlier or the reasons you didnt want to marry him?
4. What are your fiancee's good points over your boyfriend?
5. Do you think you are in depression at present?
6. What is your education?
And please donot try to find momentry happiness by talking to your boyfriend or in meeting him..he is very clear that he wont marry you and you too will not marry him. The small good feeling which you have in meeting him brings lot of guilt and sadness later..and makes you more sad...and anxious..
you should be firm and this can be done..
may be you can join a hobby class or meet your friends and expand your social circle to keep you distracted.
Please provide answers to the above questions.
Wish you good luck.
Dr. Manisha Gopal
MD Neuropsychiatry
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Thanks for your reply...
i have tried many times not to talk to him, and even he will not call me or msz me.but after 3,4 days or 15 days i start finding reasons ..that how i can talk to him.he doesnt initiate ....mostly time i start it.
i am answering your questions..
1.ya i am talking with that person.from XXXXXXX 2014 he have mailed me and i thought i should talk to him, if i want to move ahead.and with time i'll develop feelings for him.we talk a lot like friends.quit comfortable.i have not met him.but talked alot on phone.our family wanted us to get married in XXXXXXX 2015,but i dont.he helped me in that case(he wanted to get married as soon as possible)....then my family said get marry in april..but again i was not ready.once again he helped (he wanted to get married)and our marriage is postponed till nov or dec.
we talk a lot 4,5 hours also.but i dont have any feelings for him.i am not worried if he do not call me for one week or month.i dont care.
2.i dont love him,its sure .because eerytime he was in a romanic mood ,i was not comfortable.i know its not wrong,but i am not comfortable.either i'll change the topic or dissconnect the phone..and will get angry with him.
and it hurts me he is somehow nice man and i am hurtin him.
3.when our mariage was fixed ....i was totally done.i wanted my space in my life.but everyone wanted me to get married.i didnt join my job(got a job in campus placement ,joining was on 10 XXXXXXX and my mother expired on 4 XXXXXXX ,,i have two younger brither and sister, i have to take care of them,thats why i have not joined that job.it was totally my decision)
secondly,i was not in favour of dowry.my father has to give a lot to them.for which i was blamed (if i would hav not done engg, that money could have been used in my dowry...and it hurted me a lot.)
i just wanted to be alone that time and i have the same filling right now.
whenever talks related with fixing me marriage date comes up,i wanted to run away from here..why ??i dont kno the reason.
4.he is a nice guy.he listens to me.call me daily if i am not well.my bf has not done this.my bf talks with me only when he is in sexy mood.otherwise i dont exist.
i have not compared them...because each and every person is different ,and i dont want to compare them.
5.i dont know...what i am going through.because i dont want to talk to anyone .nothing makes me laugh.i am not able to concentrate on my studies.even i dont talk with my family members,my father,sister or brother.they are caring.i just want to leave alone .dont want to talk to anyone.i easily get frustrated on my brother and sister and will shout on them and even beat them.it hurts me.i dont talk with my father in a good way.i hurt him alot.sometimes i want to kill myself so that everyone will be free from me.and me also.
sometimes i cry while sleeping .dont know whats going on with me.
6.i am an engg. ..done cse in 2013.schooling from kv school.
please suggest waht i shoul do .and i can be free from my boyfriend.he is not the problem,me myself is the problem.how i can be happy.i want to be free from all this and happy in my life and keep my family happy too.i know i love huim a lot and tried everything not to looose him,but i know that we dont have any future,,,and it hurts me.but i want to live ,for my family and want to be happy...for them.please help me
i have tried many times not to talk to him, and even he will not call me or msz me.but after 3,4 days or 15 days i start finding reasons ..that how i can talk to him.he doesnt initiate ....mostly time i start it.
i am answering your questions..
1.ya i am talking with that person.from XXXXXXX 2014 he have mailed me and i thought i should talk to him, if i want to move ahead.and with time i'll develop feelings for him.we talk a lot like friends.quit comfortable.i have not met him.but talked alot on phone.our family wanted us to get married in XXXXXXX 2015,but i dont.he helped me in that case(he wanted to get married as soon as possible)....then my family said get marry in april..but again i was not ready.once again he helped (he wanted to get married)and our marriage is postponed till nov or dec.
we talk a lot 4,5 hours also.but i dont have any feelings for him.i am not worried if he do not call me for one week or month.i dont care.
2.i dont love him,its sure .because eerytime he was in a romanic mood ,i was not comfortable.i know its not wrong,but i am not comfortable.either i'll change the topic or dissconnect the phone..and will get angry with him.
and it hurts me he is somehow nice man and i am hurtin him.
3.when our mariage was fixed ....i was totally done.i wanted my space in my life.but everyone wanted me to get married.i didnt join my job(got a job in campus placement ,joining was on 10 XXXXXXX and my mother expired on 4 XXXXXXX ,,i have two younger brither and sister, i have to take care of them,thats why i have not joined that job.it was totally my decision)
secondly,i was not in favour of dowry.my father has to give a lot to them.for which i was blamed (if i would hav not done engg, that money could have been used in my dowry...and it hurted me a lot.)
i just wanted to be alone that time and i have the same filling right now.
whenever talks related with fixing me marriage date comes up,i wanted to run away from here..why ??i dont kno the reason.
4.he is a nice guy.he listens to me.call me daily if i am not well.my bf has not done this.my bf talks with me only when he is in sexy mood.otherwise i dont exist.
i have not compared them...because each and every person is different ,and i dont want to compare them.
5.i dont know...what i am going through.because i dont want to talk to anyone .nothing makes me laugh.i am not able to concentrate on my studies.even i dont talk with my family members,my father,sister or brother.they are caring.i just want to leave alone .dont want to talk to anyone.i easily get frustrated on my brother and sister and will shout on them and even beat them.it hurts me.i dont talk with my father in a good way.i hurt him alot.sometimes i want to kill myself so that everyone will be free from me.and me also.
sometimes i cry while sleeping .dont know whats going on with me.
6.i am an engg. ..done cse in 2013.schooling from kv school.
please suggest waht i shoul do .and i can be free from my boyfriend.he is not the problem,me myself is the problem.how i can be happy.i want to be free from all this and happy in my life and keep my family happy too.i know i love huim a lot and tried everything not to looose him,but i know that we dont have any future,,,and it hurts me.but i want to live ,for my family and want to be happy...for them.please help me
Brief Answer:
treat depression & see who is good enough for you
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for giving a detailed reply.
1. Dont worry, you will soon become better and have a grip on your life..
Many times girls have to sacrifice their life and future prospects ( willingly or unwillingly) for family...but in your case not joining the job was your choice and it is appreciable. It shows how much you value your family XXXXXXX anything else. So, at least one thing is done..for you family is on top.
Now, please think - if your fiancee decides not to marry you- how will you feel. If he refuses .will you feel relieved...No..
..you think you dont like him but somewhere I think from your reply that he is a good person and you do like him.
A life partner should ideally be a good friend first...and he has proved to be one...I even think he might encourage you to take up a job of your liking if you would want..
You say you donot comapre him with your bf...but I think this is a situation where you must comapre the two. Your faincee is certainly a much mature and helpful person comapred to your bf. It is another matter that you love someone who dosent really care about you.
Ask your self - had you married your bf , would you be really happy all your life? Is he a person who can keep a girl like you happy? I dont think he is even true to you. If he had been equally involved in loving you, he would never be physical with you knowing you are engaged..he would have left you or hurt you directly and ask you not to see him ever again and stick to it. This is what someone would do if he or she really care for another person.
You accept that you are the one who initiate the talk again...this you must stop alltogether now...I think you have depression. Please see a psychiatrist. Had i been treating you I would have started sertraline 25mg and raised it to 75-125mg after seeing the response. It is taken in morning after breakfast it does not give any sleep.
for sleep, zolpidem 12.5mg would help you a lot. It is not addictive.
You will surely come out of depression..coz of depression you are unable to feel good and unable to stick to your resolve of not meeting your bf...when you will start feeling good, you will have more control over your self and decision.
It is very common to get angry and remain irritable when one is in deression. With treatment your behaviour with family members will become good again..dont worry and please donot carry any guilt...you dont want to misbehave but you have no control over your mood right now.
so, first start treatment.
2- please ask your self- who will be a better choice to pass your whole life with?
3. Can you really be happy with marrying a man like your bf?
Also,get tsh levels and B 12 levels and treat them if low.
Good luck.
do ask more questions if there are doubts.
Dr. Manisha Gopal
MD Neuropsychiatry
treat depression & see who is good enough for you
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for giving a detailed reply.
1. Dont worry, you will soon become better and have a grip on your life..
Many times girls have to sacrifice their life and future prospects ( willingly or unwillingly) for family...but in your case not joining the job was your choice and it is appreciable. It shows how much you value your family XXXXXXX anything else. So, at least one thing is done..for you family is on top.
Now, please think - if your fiancee decides not to marry you- how will you feel. If he refuses .will you feel relieved...No..
..you think you dont like him but somewhere I think from your reply that he is a good person and you do like him.
A life partner should ideally be a good friend first...and he has proved to be one...I even think he might encourage you to take up a job of your liking if you would want..
You say you donot comapre him with your bf...but I think this is a situation where you must comapre the two. Your faincee is certainly a much mature and helpful person comapred to your bf. It is another matter that you love someone who dosent really care about you.
Ask your self - had you married your bf , would you be really happy all your life? Is he a person who can keep a girl like you happy? I dont think he is even true to you. If he had been equally involved in loving you, he would never be physical with you knowing you are engaged..he would have left you or hurt you directly and ask you not to see him ever again and stick to it. This is what someone would do if he or she really care for another person.
You accept that you are the one who initiate the talk again...this you must stop alltogether now...I think you have depression. Please see a psychiatrist. Had i been treating you I would have started sertraline 25mg and raised it to 75-125mg after seeing the response. It is taken in morning after breakfast it does not give any sleep.
for sleep, zolpidem 12.5mg would help you a lot. It is not addictive.
You will surely come out of depression..coz of depression you are unable to feel good and unable to stick to your resolve of not meeting your bf...when you will start feeling good, you will have more control over your self and decision.
It is very common to get angry and remain irritable when one is in deression. With treatment your behaviour with family members will become good again..dont worry and please donot carry any guilt...you dont want to misbehave but you have no control over your mood right now.
so, first start treatment.
2- please ask your self- who will be a better choice to pass your whole life with?
3. Can you really be happy with marrying a man like your bf?
Also,get tsh levels and B 12 levels and treat them if low.
Good luck.
do ask more questions if there are doubts.
Dr. Manisha Gopal
MD Neuropsychiatry
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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