i am a 31yr old female. 157cm, 73kg. I had endocarditis at 19, acute compartment syndrome with flop foot & most muscle gone below left knee. 3 c-sections. & until 5mths ago was a needle user for 11 yrs off & on & hav used all the veins in hands, arms, legs & feet. Hav used meth, ice, oxy, morphine & the thing i really stuffed my veins up with was the buperenorphine i hav been on for last 6yrs since it makes me clearer than the kapanol & oxycontin that i used to take for my pain from whats left of my left leg. That bein said- my right hand- the 1 i write with, is always puffy & unlike when im fluidy all over-my righthand doesnt go down like my left. Also my right ankle is swollen & the innerankle has turned from origionally soft when it happend when i was still using end of last yr- & since then has gone hard & fiborous,even giving me a fat heel. I know im a fuckin idiot for injectin bupe- it was my way of harming myself- like slashing up. It did help my pain- but being on painkillers for so long, i never got a 'rush' or anything. Iv had the hardest life, it was like slow suicide. But now on the rd 2 recovery, im not only left with a huge amount of spiderveins all over arms' legs, hands & feet- im also left with lymphatic damage. Is there anything i can do 2 lessen the swelling or fade the spiderveins other than surgary? Im trying soooooo hard but the physical/aesthetic damage iv done is stopping me from complete recovery- like i'll forever be tethered to a person i hate & a past that i completely want to leave behind & cant completely reinvent myself like i need, so i can finally enjoy the permenant changes my body & soul needs. PLEASE HELP ME! P.S. I was never a 'junky',i am just a gd person who thought she shud punish herself becaus i wasnt gd enough for my parents 2 want me & every1 else. I often wonder if maybe i wasnt such a loving person then maybe i would hav treated ppl the way they treated me bad.... Instead of myself...