Doctor,
I am a male @ 24 and I am an mtech student @ palakkad.I am a stutterer.I am struggling with every day life and even I can not speak my name.I stutter from childhood and I had therapy two times, one was in 2006 and other in last year.I failed at proceeding with the therapy.I know its my fault, I don't know why I am so negative towards my life.Until now I avoided taking responsibilities and escaped from speaking situations right from the school life itself.I can't take any responsibilities, I can't make phone calls except to my friends and family.I never made any formal calls for anything to enquire or other purposes.
I fear to talk in front of people especially in front of girls.I never spoked to any girl in my b tech life.Fear is making me stutter badly.I feel I am childish incapable irresponsible guy.I hate my self.I feel like an alien.Everyone may think I am indifferent person.I can not express myself, I can't say jokes, I am feeling depressed every second of my life.I feel guilty, I have never tried anything serious to overcome my stuttering.
Not only the stuttering but I was bed wetting until 21 years of age.I am very shy those days, I felt like childish and the two merciless things stuttering and bed wetting really spoiled my life.I was never like other guys and girls.I had only small group of friends.I was indifferent.Stuttering affected my personality.I cant mingle with strangers.I can't join groups.I feels I am acting a role.
I speak less to avoid stuttering.
I even fear to talk with my parents because they are blaming me for not trying to overcome my stuttering.When they blame me it hurts me a lot and many times I think of leaving this hellish life.
I am suicidal many times but never tried any thing stupid.I am aware suicide is a worst thing.It ruins the life of everyone connected with me.But I cant decide to live or to die.For me life is a battle.I am struggling with even the simplest things of my life.One thing is sure I can't live a happy life if I decide to live.All the joys of my life are over.I can't enjoy my life no more.I feel lonely in this world.My past memories are haunting me.I am a failure in my life.HELP ME.......