Dear Welcome to HCM We understand your concerns I went through your details. I suggest you not to worry much. I sincerely do not think that you are depressed. Rather you are disappointed. The reason may be disappointing life events or simply wrong perceptions. You note that you are always tired, no motivation, no joy etc. Your suicidal thinking are simply due to your wrong perceptions of life events. When we think about actual life, you cannot be motivated. Who knows what is in store tomorrow? Only positive thinking and hope drive every person forward. Hope leads to positive thinking, setting life goals and plannings to achieve those goals. So hope is the key. Instead of becoming hopelessness, cultivate hope in your life. Your problems shall be solved. If you require more of my help in this aspect, Please post a direct question to me in this website. Make sure that you include every minute details possible. I shall prescribe the needed psychotherapy techniques which should help you cure your condition further. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.