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Feeling guilty of losing virginity before marriage. What can I do?

Hello Doctor,
After 13 years of marriage I still feel guilty of losing my virginity before I got married. It only happen one time with guy I was with. My husband never said anything and I told him before we got married. He is very loving to me and we love each other. We have a great life, successful business and two kids whom he adore. Why is it I still feel this way?
Asked On : Tue, 23 Apr 2013
Answers:  4 Views:  68
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Psychiatrist 's  Response
Thanks for choosing health care magic for posting your query.
I can understand what you are going through. In a contemporary society virginity is given a very high importance. That the reason you are worried as you have been a part of this culture. Would you have thought of the same way if you were in US or UK culture?
You need to visit a psychiatrist who can help with some ventilation about the current event.
May be discussing this matter with your husband will also help you in case he is very understanding.
Hope I am able to answer your concerns.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:

Wish you good health,
Dr. Srikanth Reddy M.D.
Answered: Tue, 23 Apr 2013
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General & Family Physician Dr. Achuo Ascensius's  Response
thanks for using health care magic.

I share with you the way you feel. You see everyone has a past and the past is meant to guide us in future. We make mistakes in order to learn from them and be better persons tomorrow.
But then, there is no reason to feel the way you do because of so many reasons;
the first is that, you were not cheating, secondly you were young and did not understand what it meant to preserve your virginity, thirdly your husband did not worry and understood the situation.

This feeling you are having is as a result of the love you have for your husband and the much love and care he too is showing you. Its a positive remark rather than a bad one.
So you do not have to feel guilty rather you have to make use of the past by being forever faithful, loving and caring to your husband.

Best regards and hope this helps.
Dr Achuo
Answered: Tue, 23 Apr 2013
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General & Family Physician Dr. Nsah Bernard's  Response
Dec 2012
Hello Shanaz,

Thanks for posting on HCM,

There is absolutely no reason you should be feeling this way. More than 70% of married women (on the entire globe) get disvirgined before they could ever enter their marital homes. Most men understand nowadays and are less worried about their wife's earlier virginity. The modern man is more concerned about a good house wife and if you say you a good home with a loving husband, there is absolutely no reason you should be feeling the guilt especially related to the virginity. In any case, if the guilt is there but does not interfere with your present life, I suggest you keep it to yourself or you wish you can discuss it first with a counselor (marriage) and then see if you can discuss the situation with your husband (as the guilt will surely be directed more towards what you think your husband might be feeling about it, but I am pretty much sure he had long forgotten about that and if you bring that up now, it might instead cause some confusion and maybe conflict.

Hope you do well to feel less guilty.

Best wish
Answered: Tue, 23 Apr 2013
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Psychiatrist Dr. Amar A Rathi's  Response
Hi Shahnaz ,

Welcome to HCM Forum,

To feel guilt regarding any act or decision totally depends on your thinking schema (determined by experiences since childhood) and socio-cultural background.Its important to know that nothing is 100 % right or 100 % wrong.One thing right for you can be wrong for others and vice versa.
So considering (from your name and thought) your sociocultural background where still virginity is most important thing and where thing go like if you not virgin while marrying with person means that person got cheated and you r not of good character person. Its not acceptable to our mind that being so lovable husband I am cheating him.This kind of thought disturbs you and produces guilt in you.By changing baseline thoughts guilt regarding this can be minimized.

Mistakes always happens in each and every persons life and its not important that why you done it but most important is how u learned from it.As this indicated by your life is doing good with successful business and 2 adorable child.

But still if this thought is continuously disturbing to you,unable to remove this from mind and affecting your daily routine and your family life then please consult to nearest psychiatrist in person.After thorough evaluation he will guide you to get rid of this.

Hope this helps to you.
Best regards.
Answered: Tue, 23 Apr 2013
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