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Suggest treatment for depressive symptoms due to family stress

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Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 1851 Questions
hi, i needyou urgent help with the sriuos issues of my life.I am a 26 year old girl. The problem in my life started when i was 13 year old and lost my father. We were financially in very poor state and my mother has brought me and my siblings (one brother and a sister). we were ging through the miserable conditions at that time. with in a year of loosing my father, i came to know about a bitter truth about my sister that she is having an affair with my Cousion's husband. I wanted to tell this to my Mamma but never been able to do that as i was scared that my mom will get broken and will be shattered. In short, i dnt wanna loose her. After that incident, i was never been able to maintain a good relationship with my sister as i neven been able to trust her. My sister is very short tempered and she could nt able to control her anger and usually says lots of bad words to anyone who is in front of her at that time. My Mom and my sister usually fights alot and there usd to be lot of eexchange of bas words that occurs between them.

After 12 years, while having a discussion ith my Mom, i told her about this and we decided that we will not accept it but till the she does nt marry him we will take care of her. My sister has no idea that i know evrything about her. I never got a chance to tell her as i am scared. Three years before, we came to know that my mother is suffering from cancer and i lost her last year. The person with whom my sister is in relationship with helped us alot at that time financially as we were not in that good financial condition. After loosing my mom i am shattered and lost evrything. i dnt want to ive now and have no idea what to do. Now, my sister wants me and my borther to get married (and she will be married after we are settled down) and wants us to shift australia with her after marriage. but i am still not able to accept her and her relationship. I treid to tell her but failed. Me and my borther are in agreat dilema about what option we should choose. I feel bad for my mamma that i could nt do anything for her, could not save her and i feel i am betraying her if i accept this realtionship now. i feel bad that i could nt make my mother happy and couldn't made her relax by making my sister know that watever she says in anger it hurts. I dnt want my borther to be in any kind of pressure, but i even dnt knw what should i do now. whether i should accept what is coming or do something else. I have lost my life with mother. we ere four persons in our family and now we are three. I am scared that my one wrong decision will make us two or will hurt my Mom that i am still not able to do justice with her.
Posted Sat, 9 Aug 2014 in Mental Health
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 30 hours later
Brief Answer:

Detailed Answer:
Thanks for your query.
I appreciate your efforts for medical consultation in so much distress.

Important aspects of your query are:
•     26 year old female
•     Known case of family stress
•     Complaints of: irritable behavior of sister with social complication and depressive symptoms in self.

You should not have guilt about yourself, as you are not responsible for your sister's behavior and mother's cancer. Considering your depression it is better for you meet nearby psychiatrist personally for counseling and treatment.

Your sister behavior is not acceptable, considering society. But same time her short temperament may aggravate family stress, after confrontation with her, so avoid it currently. You need to think about your brother future also.

It is less likely that your sister will listen to you. It is better to take help of some elder in family. It will be better if she become ready to seek help from psychiatrist (although chances are less). Same time, I think, after death of your mother she is understanding her responsibility, and want you and your brother to settled first.

Many time in life all problem do not solved simultaneously. It is better to start making your brother's and self life peaceful and settled. Later you can work towards sister's social issues.

I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you. In case of any doubt, I will be available for follow ups.

Wish you good health.
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