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Why Do I Have Trouble In Maintaining Healthy Relationships?

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Posted on Wed, 16 Apr 2014
Question: I have trouble maintaining healthy relationships, because once a person indicates some interest in me, I open up too far and need to much and it turns them off. I've read a little about attachment theory, and some of it seems to fit my experience very well. Where can I look for strategies to manage the anxiety that comes always comes up when I can't get the closeness that I crave, so that I can keep from pushing people away? I should mention that I have experienced this pattern in both romantic relationships and in friendships with both men and women. I often end up feeling betrayed. The feeling is overwhelming, sometimes to the point that I want to cry and beg, though I try desperately to hide it and "play it cool".
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Answered by Dr. Divya Kuttikrishnan (2 hours later)
Brief Answer: .... Detailed Answer: Hi there ... Thanks for writing in.... I truly understand how you must feel. First of all you need to love yourself. We depend on others (be it family, friends, romantic relationship ) for love and acceptance ,and we don't get it back the same way we are giving them ,it hurts like hell. The first point is don't expect anything from anybody because expectation reduces XXXXXXX ....... I know it is hard to follow. At the same time when you are not expecting anything, and the other person expresses interest ,you feel happy..... Just be the person you are... thats how you know who your true friends are....by showing your true nature. I would advise you to sign up for " the art of living " course(combination on yoga and breathing techniques) and teachings which might help you change your outlook on certain things, might help treat depression, help you interact with more people etc. I would also advise you to do regular exercise 30 minutes a day 5 days a week. Exercise releases endorphins which will help you feel good and energetic. Hope this information has been of some use to you..... Regards, Dr. Divya Kuttikrishnan
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Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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Answered by
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Dr. Divya Kuttikrishnan

General & Family Physician

Practicing since :2000

Answered : 969 Questions

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Why Do I Have Trouble In Maintaining Healthy Relationships?

Brief Answer: .... Detailed Answer: Hi there ... Thanks for writing in.... I truly understand how you must feel. First of all you need to love yourself. We depend on others (be it family, friends, romantic relationship ) for love and acceptance ,and we don't get it back the same way we are giving them ,it hurts like hell. The first point is don't expect anything from anybody because expectation reduces XXXXXXX ....... I know it is hard to follow. At the same time when you are not expecting anything, and the other person expresses interest ,you feel happy..... Just be the person you are... thats how you know who your true friends are....by showing your true nature. I would advise you to sign up for " the art of living " course(combination on yoga and breathing techniques) and teachings which might help you change your outlook on certain things, might help treat depression, help you interact with more people etc. I would also advise you to do regular exercise 30 minutes a day 5 days a week. Exercise releases endorphins which will help you feel good and energetic. Hope this information has been of some use to you..... Regards, Dr. Divya Kuttikrishnan