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Suggest Counselling For Problem In Sexual Relationship
Question: y wife used to perform oral sex on me very often to climax and her swallowing. She used to do it a lot even without me asking for it. I asked her if she indeed enjoyed doing that and she said yes. She sure did it with gusto, much to my enjoyment.
I began to take her for granted and manipulated her and projected a lot of my own insecurities related to my own sexual abuse experience as a kid just entering puberty. Eventually, she quit doing it, as a result but she never told me why. My past abuse involved introduction to porn. When life seemed out of control I delved into online porn as a soothing technique. Eventually' due to my Christian faith, I ℅ fused, had a nervous breakdown and went thru an intensive year of therapy. I have been free from porn for 5 years and we are starting to reclaim our six lives. Now, I'd like her to do what she used to do. And she will do everything short of oral sex to.climax. She says she never liked it. I know that's not true because I asked her years ago. I believe it's that I have lost her heart and she isn't willing to open herself up to that again. I told her that is a big missing piece to me, but she means more to me than the act. She says that she is torn about not doing it and me being a martyr and me allowing her to do it and not be into it, which is not what I want to happen! Help! We are stuck !
I began to take her for granted and manipulated her and projected a lot of my own insecurities related to my own sexual abuse experience as a kid just entering puberty. Eventually, she quit doing it, as a result but she never told me why. My past abuse involved introduction to porn. When life seemed out of control I delved into online porn as a soothing technique. Eventually' due to my Christian faith, I ℅ fused, had a nervous breakdown and went thru an intensive year of therapy. I have been free from porn for 5 years and we are starting to reclaim our six lives. Now, I'd like her to do what she used to do. And she will do everything short of oral sex to.climax. She says she never liked it. I know that's not true because I asked her years ago. I believe it's that I have lost her heart and she isn't willing to open herself up to that again. I told her that is a big missing piece to me, but she means more to me than the act. She says that she is torn about not doing it and me being a martyr and me allowing her to do it and not be into it, which is not what I want to happen! Help! We are stuck !
Brief Answer:
I may be able to help sir, few suggestions
Detailed Answer:
Hello sir and welcome.
Thank you for writing to us.
I have gone through your query with diligence and would like you to know that I am here to help. I hope you do not mind my unbiased opinion based on experience, medical knowledge and extensive discussions on the topic.
Women have never liked to provide oral sex to their male partners and during the initial stages of a relationship have always seemed enthusiastic about it just so they can provide satisfaction to their male partner. I have not found one woman who actually went about the process because it provided her sexual pleasure or some form of stimuli or arousal.
So I somehow do not believe that your partner may have enjoyed it. Some women only say they do because they do not wish for their male partner to want it and know that their partner (female) did not enjoy providing it.
During numerous counselling sessions provided to couples, women have come forward saying that they put in an extra effort during the first few years of the relationship and provided oral sex, but as time passed they could not go through the same and gradually got rid of the compromise and the habit.
What I have come to learn through couple therapy is that to gain something we need to lose something as well. A relationship is all about give and take, and so in my opinion the best option here would be for you to sit your wife down and speak to her. Tell her that you love her and enjoy sexual contact with her so much and have never and can never imagine doing so with anybody else.
Tell her you went through a lot as a child and that started reflecting on you in a bad way and you regret every bit of what you put her through. Then tell her that you really wish to get back to the life you both shared, where she was happy and so were you. You want things to get back to just that. Take her permission and ask if you can give her oral sex, which (if you get the technique right) will surely provide her an immense amount of pleasure. Try to do the same thing at least 2-3 times, and in a few days (a few days after providing her with oral sex to the extent of her having an orgasm) ask her to return the favour. I am sure she should be ready to give you something in return for all you have been providing her with.
Try this approach sir, and write back to me letting me know how things went. I hope you find my response helpful sir. I wish you loads of luck and would like you to know that I am always here to help, so please feel free to write back to me for any further clarifications, I would be more than happy to help.
Best wishes.
I may be able to help sir, few suggestions
Detailed Answer:
Hello sir and welcome.
Thank you for writing to us.
I have gone through your query with diligence and would like you to know that I am here to help. I hope you do not mind my unbiased opinion based on experience, medical knowledge and extensive discussions on the topic.
Women have never liked to provide oral sex to their male partners and during the initial stages of a relationship have always seemed enthusiastic about it just so they can provide satisfaction to their male partner. I have not found one woman who actually went about the process because it provided her sexual pleasure or some form of stimuli or arousal.
So I somehow do not believe that your partner may have enjoyed it. Some women only say they do because they do not wish for their male partner to want it and know that their partner (female) did not enjoy providing it.
During numerous counselling sessions provided to couples, women have come forward saying that they put in an extra effort during the first few years of the relationship and provided oral sex, but as time passed they could not go through the same and gradually got rid of the compromise and the habit.
What I have come to learn through couple therapy is that to gain something we need to lose something as well. A relationship is all about give and take, and so in my opinion the best option here would be for you to sit your wife down and speak to her. Tell her that you love her and enjoy sexual contact with her so much and have never and can never imagine doing so with anybody else.
Tell her you went through a lot as a child and that started reflecting on you in a bad way and you regret every bit of what you put her through. Then tell her that you really wish to get back to the life you both shared, where she was happy and so were you. You want things to get back to just that. Take her permission and ask if you can give her oral sex, which (if you get the technique right) will surely provide her an immense amount of pleasure. Try to do the same thing at least 2-3 times, and in a few days (a few days after providing her with oral sex to the extent of her having an orgasm) ask her to return the favour. I am sure she should be ready to give you something in return for all you have been providing her with.
Try this approach sir, and write back to me letting me know how things went. I hope you find my response helpful sir. I wish you loads of luck and would like you to know that I am always here to help, so please feel free to write back to me for any further clarifications, I would be more than happy to help.
Best wishes.
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Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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