I am addicted to Dilaudid as result of spine surgery last April. I have a history of self inflicting harmful behaviour, Bi-polar, ADHD, PTSD, BPD, Anxiety/Panic attacks, etc. I feel like it is the end of the world for me because I am doing the Dilaudid I.V and have ample amounts of it and easy access to syringes. I can't stop and I know that I am killing myself. I also know that not only is it the physical abuse of the drug but I am also fulfilling my urge to harm myself with the stick of the needle. I am scared and I cannot tell a soul because they would lock me up but I don't know what to do. I have great insurance and have been thru rapid detox in Dec. 1014 but relapsed immediately upon release. I detoxes again in Jan., this year for a month but relapsed and have been sticking myself multiple times a day. I hang a piece of fabric over my window at night with a push pin into the wall and every night when I hang it and see how the tiny holes are ruining my wall I think about the destruction that I have obviously done to my veins and body.