I am very depressed. I have no friends. I go to work, grocery store and church. That is my pathetic life.
I want to die --but will not kill myself. I just hope I get a deadly disease like cancer since it is in my family and that will be that. I quit going to the doctor. I am a fat, ugly stupid person with no reason to live. I am married but only in name. He is quite ill. Can hardly walk. But we work. Can't afford not to. I want to run away. I don't want to be married. I have grown children and grandchildren. My oldest daughter has been distancing herself from me. My other two need me to help with their kids. I know they care but they will be fine without me. I have been on anti depressants for years. I thought by this time in my life, my husband and I would be happy, traveling enjoying retirement. But that is not the case. I have been told I need to accept my situation and be happy. I just want to sleep.