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Dr. Andrew Rynne
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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How To Improve Mental Stability?

Hello Doctor, I am Roma, 23, single and working. I come from a gujarathi family but born and brought up in Maharashtra. I am writing to you to seek help for my brother and parents. My brother and parents are having a strained relationship. Brother is 31, married and works in US. Parents (mom aged 55 and dad aged 59) stay in Dhule, Maharahtra. Dad is a physician (M.D., M.R.C.P.) and mom is a housewife. Brother has developed a feeling since childhood that no matter what he does, his parents are never happy with his achievements and they donot love him. He says that they have always pointed out only the negatives in him and never ever appreciated any of his poistives. He recalls many trivial incidents from his schoollife to graduation to current, wherein he thinks his parents never appreciated his success. Also he feels that MomDad try to micro-manage things ( as they want every small thing to happen as they want only) and donot appreciate independent thinking. (Though I know that mom dad have always been very proud of his achievements. It s just that their way of expression was way different from what brother expected). After his marraige, there have difference between his wife and parents. Parents feel that their son should take their side. But brother does not feel that right. Mom Dad are of a very traditional outlook. And this might be also because of the kind of society thet live in. They think they are always right. They think that after going to US and after marraige, their son has changed a lot. They think that their son is arrogant and not matured to the level expected. So now the case is Mom Dad are sad that their only son is being good to them inspite of they having been do so much for him all life. And brother is sad because he feels his parents have never been happy with him inspite of all his efforts and he is now frustated by their behavior/expectations. The situation is not at all good for a healthy family. I know i should not interfere in these conflicts as that would just tear me apart. But having know both the sides, feel a moral responsibilty to try to solve situations. Though they always all tell me not to worry about these things. Hence i want you to help them sort out things.Can u help here? The problem is brother is here for diwali right now and is going back to US on 10th of this month. So there is not much time. Would it be possible for you to have some phone-discussions and email conversations with all of them individually or on conference call? thanks Roma
Mon, 13 Oct 2014
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Psychiatrist 's  Response
Hello roma,
I agree that you face a very difficult situation within your family.
Just to make the environment better, your parents as well your brother has to make efforts. Your parents should understand that their son is a grown uo now and has the capacity to take independent decisions. So they should try and not judge or interfere with him.
On the other hand, your brother should also take pride in that his parents have worked for his success in life. They are his responsibility and he must work for their happiness.
Hope the situation gets better.
I would be pleased to help you further if i can in any way.
Thanks.
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How To Improve Mental Stability?

Hello roma, I agree that you face a very difficult situation within your family. Just to make the environment better, your parents as well your brother has to make efforts. Your parents should understand that their son is a grown uo now and has the capacity to take independent decisions. So they should try and not judge or interfere with him. On the other hand, your brother should also take pride in that his parents have worked for his success in life. They are his responsibility and he must work for their happiness. Hope the situation gets better. I would be pleased to help you further if i can in any way. Thanks.