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thank you doctor. I just wanted to do some research

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Posted on Wed, 27 Feb 2019
Question: thank you doctor. I just wanted to do some research on passive-aggressive personality disorder. I am living with a female cousin who is exhibiting this behavior over financial matters. I want to better understand how to respond when she is secretive, evasive & manipulative over contributing to household expenses. I am trying to understand if I should just let things go, or confront her. I have paid everything for over 10 years. After I retired, I told her she had to pay $500 rent starting January 1--which came and went without discussion. After a pretty big argument on January 11, she paid the rent. Tomorrow is February 1, and I have no idea if she intends to pay rent or move out. Living with a passive aggressive person is very difficult. I do not know how to approach her.
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Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar (1 hour later)
Brief Answer:
Setting the boundaries may help

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.

I read your query and understand your concerns. Before I proceed to answer you I like to provide brief description of passive aggressive personality disorder for your understanding which is as follows.

"Patients with passive-aggressive personality characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuses for delays, and find fault with those on whom they depend, yet they refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They usually lack assertiveness and are not direct about their own needs and wishes. They fail to ask needed questions about what is expected of them and may become anxious when forced to succeed or when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed".

In case your cousin have all or most of the characteristics she may be suffering with passive-aggressive personality disorder.

Provided that she suffers with passive-aggressive personality setting boundaries can be help. Tell her clearly that this is my limit and if the limitations are crossed at any point I will not be able to help you. They generally make you feel that they have problem and unable to do so (meet financial obligations) and reverting back with same information can give them some insight to do the needful.

I hope this helps you.
Feel free to write back to me if you have more questions.
Thanks and regards.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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Answered by
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Dr. Ashok Kumar

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2000

Answered : 3160 Questions

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thank you doctor. I just wanted to do some research

Brief Answer: Setting the boundaries may help Detailed Answer: Hello, Thanks for using Healthcaremagic. I read your query and understand your concerns. Before I proceed to answer you I like to provide brief description of passive aggressive personality disorder for your understanding which is as follows. "Patients with passive-aggressive personality characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuses for delays, and find fault with those on whom they depend, yet they refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They usually lack assertiveness and are not direct about their own needs and wishes. They fail to ask needed questions about what is expected of them and may become anxious when forced to succeed or when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed". In case your cousin have all or most of the characteristics she may be suffering with passive-aggressive personality disorder. Provided that she suffers with passive-aggressive personality setting boundaries can be help. Tell her clearly that this is my limit and if the limitations are crossed at any point I will not be able to help you. They generally make you feel that they have problem and unable to do so (meet financial obligations) and reverting back with same information can give them some insight to do the needful. I hope this helps you. Feel free to write back to me if you have more questions. Thanks and regards.