Question: My husband does not have a life. No hobbies, no job. He only watches TV. He gets SSI and social security, but do not have the drive to supplement his income. He had a chance to buy a car and look for part time employment, but instead he bought a lot of expensive clothes. I have made efforts to encourage him to find something to do so that he will not have to stay in the house all day, to no avail. He has a grown son who he calls constantly, and looks rejected if he does not hear from his son. If I allowed him, he would follow (drive)me around on my job daily(I work community based). I have to constantly tell him that it is not professional to allow my husband to accompany me on my job. It is very embarrassing when your husband follows his wife everywhere, even to all women functions. He seems to be living through me. We have no sex life or close intimate connection and I may be seeking a divorce as I cannot see myself living with a man that wants nothing out of life. What is his problem, he does seem depressed. FAMILY BACKGROUND: His father was very verbally abusive. His mother and sisters and brothers all exhibit the same non existent life and seem to live through others. What is going on! Thanks, Dianne Harper

Dr Mittal did you recieve my response? D Harper

I have outlined responses to your questions: Before I begin, let me give you a brief outline about me. When I met my husband I was on the way up regarding my career (I have a Masters degree in psychology, and I am an author). He was with me and supported me through my career challenges and successes. But as I progressed, his life declined. I am a very outspoken person, and my husband and I have had a problematic marriage. Our sex life was never mind-blowing, but was infrequent. To date, we have not had sex since 2010. He is impotent. Intimacy was never a constant in our marriage, and now, even it has vanished. HOW LONG HAS HE HAD THIS PROBLEM: My husband was initially an outgoing person and involved in the Catholic church. He did odd jobs for the XXXXXXX members of the church. His outgoingness began to decline about 8 years ago. His life seems to revolve around me. WHAT WAS HIS JOB PROFILE: He claimed that he worked at Fords and Chrysler and other mediocre jobs, but not for a long length of time. When I met my husband, he continued to do odd jobs, but this declined as well. He seems content following me on my job. WHEN DID HE RETIRE: My husband claims disability. He receives SSI and Social Security. He has not been honest with me as to why he receives SSI. I suspect that it is mental. I notice no physical barriers. He seems to be an able bodied man capable of working. He does have diabetes 2. WHAT ARE THE MEDICINES HE IS ON: My husband takes Lisinspril, Pioglitazone/Metformin HCI, and Flovax. HOW ARE THE SUGARS CONTROLLED: He is addicted to sweets and has a hard time controlling his cravings. He does check his sugar levels but not consistently. WHAT IS HIS TEMPER LIKE-DOES HE GET ANGRY QUICKLY ON INSIGNIFICANT THINGS: When I met him his mood was easy going and people gravitated to him. He has good social skills. I did notice that he is very competitive-gets angry when he loses. He also never take responsibility for his actions-tends to blame others. He has informed me that he has always had an explosive temper. He seems to connect to women. He appears to be uncomfortable associating with strong-confident men. I noticed that he displays immature behaviors, such as taking money out of my purse when my back is turned(mainly a few dollars or change), even though he has money. He has never been open in disclosing his feelings HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HIS ROUTINE MOOD: In the beginning, his mood was always positive and upbeat, currently, his mood is low and depressed looking and withdrawn. His mood seems to lift whenever he is out and about with me. However, I feel smothered and burdened. DOES ANYTHING SEEM TO INTEREST HIM: No. Nothing seems to interest him. He likes to exercise and doe go to the gym sometimes or walk the treadmill at home. But other than that, he has no other outside interests, no friends, no interest in working towards self improvement, no long or short term goals, etc. He calls his son constantly (his son lives in Texas) to the point where his sons avoid his calls. His average day is following me around on my job, which I have to constantly inform him that he cannot accompany me on my community visits due to confidentiality and hippa laws, and also from a professional standpoint. I do not understand why he doesn’t see that, and where is his pride!! If I attend an all women’s function, he is right there in the midst, how embarrassing! FAMILY BACKGROUND: As I stated earlier, his father was very verbally and physically abusive. His mother and his siblings often talk about the abuse. I believe the abuse was more emotionally that physically. Their father often called them obscene names, did not buy Christmas toys or gifts, did not celebrate birthdays, never showed any affection or love as a father. Their mother was afraid of him. As a result, my husband’s family appears to have dependent personalities, as most of them reside with their children and do not lead independent lives. They are also very enmeshed in each other’s lives. His older brothers, (now deceased), had very strong dependent attachments to their mother (mama boys). I suspected that my husband did too. Now he only calls her every now and then. Even though I have a degree in psychology, I am at a loss in figuring out my husbands issues. Please help Dr Mittal.

Thanks Dr Mittal. In response to your recommendation: I have tried to interest him in some types of outlets to fit his personality, such as becoming a mentor. he has excellent social skills and would be a great mentor for young boys. He has refused this. I use the car for my job, he had a chance ( received money) to buy a second car to find and outlet or part time job to get him involved in something. Instead he bought expensive clothes. He seems to make childish decisions and does not appear to have the self confidence to improve his circumstances. What can I do to motivate him. Thanks, Dianne Harper.