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Suggest Treatment For Depression And Loneliness Due To Broken Relationship
Question: I feel low. The left side of my head feels heavy and there is this weird sensation in my heart to entire left arm. I have this feeling daily twice a day mostly at night. I feel absolutely helpless.
I have been through 3 failed relationships and the current one is the 4th one I am dealing with. I had thought through before getting into this but it is also going down the drain.
I am in a live-in relationship kind of set up although I have a place of my own as well. I am dating this exceptionally smart and intellectual person who had walked into my life by choice. I am 29.5 yrs and he is 2.5 years younger than I am. It has been 10 months I am dating him.
Initially, he was very much in love with me. He is achievement oriented. He admired me for being independent and helping others through volunteering g work. But I have not been doing so recently and gradually became dependent on him emotionally which bothers him.
To give a background, he was in a steady relationship for 6 years but eventually that did not work out for him. After that, he is averse to the idea of marriage and settlement. I feel, deep within, he has still not recovered and holds himself responsible for the eventual break-up.
Coming back to me, I have found him very emotionally detached. He is a wonderful person , extremely honest, but he is distant, detached. He had cleared it in the beginning that there is no immediate intent of marriage. With time, he may look into it.
Now that I will soon turn 30, I have tremendous pressure of marriage and he has re-confirmed to me that he is not willing to marry. Though after conveying this also, we have been together.
He recently called me co-dependent. Also, his distant nature bothers me. He has been travelling and he would call once in 3 days for 5 mins. He behaves absolute normally and when I push him for frequenting his calls he expects me to understand that he is with his friends.
I have become extremely insecure and I find it difficult to trust him even though I am aware he is honest. This has happened more after he has conveyed there is no marriage. Why do I so dearly want to hold him when he does not care. He smokes 20 cigs a day and if I had to rationally think, he is not even emotionally available for me. So then, why is there a fear of losing him?
I have lost the hope to find love. Moreover, I cry daily out of loneliness. I can't concentrate well. Today, I was unable to watch a movie completely/ I left it halfway and again got into the thoughts of lack of love and support in my life.
My mother has also been distant. I talk to her once in 15 days and share a decent relationship with my dad. But he is a control freak and that bothers me. I don't like it when he tries to take charge of my life. But eventually he does.
Also, I have become irritating, a problem creator. I have stopped liking myself. Even professionally, all the time I keep thinking why am I not from IIM? I could have done so much better in life and would have got so much respect in return.
I wan to change this utterly irritating self of me but I am unable to help myself. Can I please get some help?
I have been through 3 failed relationships and the current one is the 4th one I am dealing with. I had thought through before getting into this but it is also going down the drain.
I am in a live-in relationship kind of set up although I have a place of my own as well. I am dating this exceptionally smart and intellectual person who had walked into my life by choice. I am 29.5 yrs and he is 2.5 years younger than I am. It has been 10 months I am dating him.
Initially, he was very much in love with me. He is achievement oriented. He admired me for being independent and helping others through volunteering g work. But I have not been doing so recently and gradually became dependent on him emotionally which bothers him.
To give a background, he was in a steady relationship for 6 years but eventually that did not work out for him. After that, he is averse to the idea of marriage and settlement. I feel, deep within, he has still not recovered and holds himself responsible for the eventual break-up.
Coming back to me, I have found him very emotionally detached. He is a wonderful person , extremely honest, but he is distant, detached. He had cleared it in the beginning that there is no immediate intent of marriage. With time, he may look into it.
Now that I will soon turn 30, I have tremendous pressure of marriage and he has re-confirmed to me that he is not willing to marry. Though after conveying this also, we have been together.
He recently called me co-dependent. Also, his distant nature bothers me. He has been travelling and he would call once in 3 days for 5 mins. He behaves absolute normally and when I push him for frequenting his calls he expects me to understand that he is with his friends.
I have become extremely insecure and I find it difficult to trust him even though I am aware he is honest. This has happened more after he has conveyed there is no marriage. Why do I so dearly want to hold him when he does not care. He smokes 20 cigs a day and if I had to rationally think, he is not even emotionally available for me. So then, why is there a fear of losing him?
I have lost the hope to find love. Moreover, I cry daily out of loneliness. I can't concentrate well. Today, I was unable to watch a movie completely/ I left it halfway and again got into the thoughts of lack of love and support in my life.
My mother has also been distant. I talk to her once in 15 days and share a decent relationship with my dad. But he is a control freak and that bothers me. I don't like it when he tries to take charge of my life. But eventually he does.
Also, I have become irritating, a problem creator. I have stopped liking myself. Even professionally, all the time I keep thinking why am I not from IIM? I could have done so much better in life and would have got so much respect in return.
I wan to change this utterly irritating self of me but I am unable to help myself. Can I please get some help?
Brief Answer:
There is need for deep introspection
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
Looking over the details the first thing which strikes to me is lack of proper introspection. I understand that you are very clear in your thoughts but beyond the superficial level you rarely see why something happening. Even if you look you rarely take a step to correct it or modify.
In my view the boy is quite clear in his decision and moving as desired over last 10 months. During the same period you became co-dependent from independent. You need to understand that a motivated person got interested in you because of your helping and independent nature but over time you lost that quality. There is clear need to clarify one's goals before moving further but in your case you are losing your way.
If marriage is primary decision for you than in my view you are supposed to leave this guy as he is not interested in marriage at least at this level.
Secondly there is need to discard old obsessions. Whatever you have done in past can not be changed. Only thing you can make a change is present and future. IIM is good but not a mantra of success or respect. If people do not act rationally they never command respect irrespective of their background.
In regard to few symptoms you mentioned there is indication that you are moving toward depression. In my view it will be better if you meet your psychologist again or a psychiatrist in your city.
I hope this helps you.
If you have more questions feel free to write back to me.
Thanks and regards
There is need for deep introspection
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
Looking over the details the first thing which strikes to me is lack of proper introspection. I understand that you are very clear in your thoughts but beyond the superficial level you rarely see why something happening. Even if you look you rarely take a step to correct it or modify.
In my view the boy is quite clear in his decision and moving as desired over last 10 months. During the same period you became co-dependent from independent. You need to understand that a motivated person got interested in you because of your helping and independent nature but over time you lost that quality. There is clear need to clarify one's goals before moving further but in your case you are losing your way.
If marriage is primary decision for you than in my view you are supposed to leave this guy as he is not interested in marriage at least at this level.
Secondly there is need to discard old obsessions. Whatever you have done in past can not be changed. Only thing you can make a change is present and future. IIM is good but not a mantra of success or respect. If people do not act rationally they never command respect irrespective of their background.
In regard to few symptoms you mentioned there is indication that you are moving toward depression. In my view it will be better if you meet your psychologist again or a psychiatrist in your city.
I hope this helps you.
If you have more questions feel free to write back to me.
Thanks and regards
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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