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Suggest Treatment For Anti Social Behaviour In A Child

Posted on Tue, 22 Jul 2014

Question: My daughter, who is married and a little girl 4, She has a pattern of not speaking for long periods of time. She also will cut off friends the same way. She now will not speak to me , she claims I lied to her , for she told me not to get another dog. I am having to live here, home my parents left me, out in a very small town, I am isolated, from friends and sister, all a hour and half from New Orleans. I had told her months ago that I did not think I was going to get another dog. Well later I started feeling extra lonely, for I had to put my pekignese to sleep of 15 yrs. I changed my mind later, for the loneliness and that certain special bond with a dog, I have cats I love too, but not the same bond. She has brought me happiness and comfort. One time she did not talk to me for 4 years. This is her 2nd marriage, and I have always been there for her, she throws me under the bus.
Help please. Thank you XXXX, this new email, hits the point, and my sister and I have told her biblical scripture pertaining to this as well.

Answered by Dr. Meera Kotecha (6 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Hi, thanks for asking. I will answer your query.

Detailed Answer:
Hi, Thanks for asking.
I am Dr. Meera Kotecha, a Developmental and Behavioural Paediatrician.
I can understand your concern.
I read your whole history.
In my opinion not talking to relatives or friends for any reason is suggesting a social skill deficit in your daughter. Its OK to feel bad about someone's behaviour but how to deal with it without hurting others is a social skill. She has to learn to accept and respect others point of view even if she does not approve of it.
In my opinion you have the right to change your decision about your life any time. Do not feel guilty about it at any point of time.
If possible let her know your reasons for changing your decision. If she does not listen to you, you may write to her explaining your reasons. You may write to her about the times when you supported her decisions unconditionally.
In my opinion she will also benefit from psychological counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy which will help her control her such behaviour of hurting others.
I hope I have helped you.
Please feel free to ask any further questions.
Dr. Meera Kotecha
Developmental and Behavioural Paediatrician

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Meera Kotecha (33 hours later)

Thank you so much, you hit the nail on the head and your expertise is wonderful. She has been seeing a PHD counselor but I do not know what she tells her, XXXXXXX to the therapist. I have told her some of what you have said, not in those exact words, but similar. I have told her how much the pains me, how we made a promise to each other months ago, that we would never let it happen again, the not talking for years at a time. Should I send her a certified hand written letter? Should I forward this answer from you to her. This therapist she goes to taps on her head to center her body, something to that effect. I have been to many therapist and I never heard of that. They have been doing the inner child and her child hood, which she portrays at times, the victim of my 3 divorces. I have gone overboard I feel to do everything , working to put here through private schools, as I did, the best in New Orleans, on of the ones I went to. I appreciate your answers so much,

Answered by Dr. Meera Kotecha (35 hours later)

Brief Answer:
yes, writing to her will help.

Detailed Answer:
Hi, thanks for asking.
I can understand your feelings.
Yes you can definitely write to her. You can write the story about how you went through your life while raising her in the best possible way you could.
I don't think you should forward her my answer as she would feel its not you who is talking.
I have not heard of anything like tapping on the head by a counsellor.
I hope I have helped you.
If you have any further queries please feel free to ask.
Dr. Meera Kotecha

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Prasad

Follow up: Dr. Meera Kotecha (2 days later)

Thank you, but how do I get through to her? I have already said all that to her/wrote as well. As you well know this pattern keeps continuing to happen. Even if I send a certified letter, she probably will not read it. I know there is no majic wand. What to do now? Thank you so much

Answered by Dr. Meera Kotecha (14 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
try through a relative or a common friend

Detailed Answer:
Hi, Thanks for asking.
In my opinion you can try to get through her through a common friend or a relative. Ask this third person to tell your daughter your point of view. Choose someone who is close to her and who would do this for you.
I think this will help
Please feel free to ask further if you wish
Thank you.
Dr. Meera Dhami

Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vaishalee Punj