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How To Deal With Paranoid Behaviour And Insecure Feelings?
Question: Hi XXXXXXX here. I have got my partner away this coming week, (as of today). Up to now I have been feeling OK about him going. Suddenly today I feel really insecure/paranoid. We have both said from day one we wouldn't never have any secrets between us. He has told me since he arrived to day that he has seen 3 female volunteers he likes the look of. I am getting an overwhelming urge to keep telling him to make sure nothing happens. He has said that nothing will happen, but something is telling him I am justified to be paranoid/suspicious even though I know I have no reason to be suspicious/paranoid, please help. I have until next Saturday to get through with him away.
Brief Answer:
Private Consultation
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXXXXX and thanks so much for reaching out.
I think this is an example of your extreme fear of abandonment resulting in an overreaction. As we have discussed, as a result of early life experiences, your mind is very concerned with protecting itself from perceived abandonment. When your partner makes unserious comments about other women, and in the setting of him leaving for a week, your mind is overreacting with a fear he will abandon you. But this is not a reasonable fear. The more you tell yourself this, the better you will feel.
Dr. Sheppe
Private Consultation
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXXXXX and thanks so much for reaching out.
I think this is an example of your extreme fear of abandonment resulting in an overreaction. As we have discussed, as a result of early life experiences, your mind is very concerned with protecting itself from perceived abandonment. When your partner makes unserious comments about other women, and in the setting of him leaving for a week, your mind is overreacting with a fear he will abandon you. But this is not a reasonable fear. The more you tell yourself this, the better you will feel.
Dr. Sheppe
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Raju A.T
He has told me that he sees it as moaning/whinging, which in his words, he says pisses him off.
How can I make my head manage the imagined fear of abandonment. At present I know the way I deal with it is in an unhelpful/almost destructive way, but I do not seem to be able to change the way my head works/thinks/reactions/behaves. Add to this the feeling that I hate myself for doing it, every time it happens, I have a few choice words I say in my head to myself.
I know people tell me that being aware of my difficulties is the hardest thing to do. However, with me recognising I have a problem is not the problem. The issue for me comes when I don't then know how to change it/do something about it
How can I make my head manage the imagined fear of abandonment. At present I know the way I deal with it is in an unhelpful/almost destructive way, but I do not seem to be able to change the way my head works/thinks/reactions/behaves. Add to this the feeling that I hate myself for doing it, every time it happens, I have a few choice words I say in my head to myself.
I know people tell me that being aware of my difficulties is the hardest thing to do. However, with me recognising I have a problem is not the problem. The issue for me comes when I don't then know how to change it/do something about it
Brief Answer:
Private Followup
Detailed Answer:
First, I realize this is difficult. But you do have the power to change the way you think and behave. It is not your fault that you are this way. But you do have the power to change it.
My first suggestion is to buy a couple of books: The DBT Skills Training Manual, and the DBT Worksheets Manual. Both are available on XXXXXXX Read over the skills training manual. And when you are having a crisis, do a worksheet. These are fundamental strategies.
Other things you can do when you are feeling abandoned is reach out to family and friends. Talk to them and use their love and support. You can also reach out to your psychiatrist, therapist, or to me, to discuss these issues.
Distraction is another strategy. Do something you enjoy. Watch a movie. Exercise. Bake something. The key to getting through a crisis is to let time pass until you feel better.
Dr. Sheppe
Private Followup
Detailed Answer:
First, I realize this is difficult. But you do have the power to change the way you think and behave. It is not your fault that you are this way. But you do have the power to change it.
My first suggestion is to buy a couple of books: The DBT Skills Training Manual, and the DBT Worksheets Manual. Both are available on XXXXXXX Read over the skills training manual. And when you are having a crisis, do a worksheet. These are fundamental strategies.
Other things you can do when you are feeling abandoned is reach out to family and friends. Talk to them and use their love and support. You can also reach out to your psychiatrist, therapist, or to me, to discuss these issues.
Distraction is another strategy. Do something you enjoy. Watch a movie. Exercise. Bake something. The key to getting through a crisis is to let time pass until you feel better.
Dr. Sheppe
Note: For further follow up on related General & Family Physician Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Raju A.T
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