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How can one overcome heart break after drifting apart from a close friend who is soon to be married?

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Posted on Fri, 20 Nov 2020
Question: I feel utterly depressed since I discovered while I was 12 that I am not normal but XXXXXXX This is considered as a disease but believe me, there is nothing I can do about it. I an 34 yrs now and have battled a lot with all my relatives, friends and parents to somehow procrastinate marriage. All these situations keeps me restless and anxious all the time but the worst part is yet to be told. Two years back, a guy joined my team in office who was 8 years younger to me. I was asked to mentor him and in the process, we became friends. We used to go in pubs, bars , movies, trips and were also gained popularity in office as "Jai-Veeru" meaning close friends. Unknowingly, I started to develop feelings for him as if I love him. I couldnt bear the situations when he used to deny any of my requests/asks to go out for lunch or movie or hanging out. I couldnt control the anger and frustration caused due to the so called "being neglected" feeling, while I never had these issues with same situations by someone else. He used to ask me whenever he used to plan a trip or going out, and if used to deny, he also used to cancel going. This continued for a year until the time he started seeing a girl in the office. As his relationship with the girl grew older and stronger, i felt his bonding with me grew weaker and weaker. He used to ignore me if I asked him to go out for a tea break saying he has work, but within few minutes he used to go out with that girl for a break. Same started happenning with my trip plans and beer parties. Till the time I was so much into him that I was finding it hard to keep my mental state stable because I kept thinking about him 24x7 bringing hopelessness and sadness.Getting up all of a sudden in the night , then struggling to sleep again. Now he revealed yesterday to me that he is getting married to that girl this XXXXXXX 19th which has left me shattered and devastated. Although I anticipated this, but dont know why this news saddenned me. I m his friend and should feel happy about him getting settled, instead, I am going into depression , sinking into a feeling of not getting a chance ever in future to spending time with him and for over-nite parties since he will have to take care of a woman who is now his wife. I am constantly being swamped in such thoughts and lost a considerable amount of self confidence, focus and health. I need your help to bring my focus back, learn to how keep myself first rather than that guy and forget him. The problem is I see him everyday since we are in same office and I failed to find out how to deal with it everyday.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal (2 days later)
Brief Answer:
ACCEPT CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES

Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXXXXX
Thanks for your query.

I appreciate your efforts for medical consultation online in current distress.

You appear to homosexual orientation from the information provided by you. Homosexuality is not physical and psychological disorders because of these laws are being change in all word gradually to provide it legal status. It is just a sexual orientation.

Sexual orientation can be of three types:
•     Heterosexuality: liking for opposite sex
•     Homosexuality: liking for same sex
•     Bisexuality: comfortable with both sex

Prevalence of Homosexuality is around 2-4% in XXXXXXX and in some western countries it is more than 5%. Sexual orientation cannot be change and as this is not a disorder, so do not worry about its treatment. But it is commonly associated with anxiety, depression, adjustment disorder (like you have with current partner), self harm and isolation because of social complication as you have been facing with in your family due to delayed marriage.

Your friend may not have sexual attraction towards you (heterosexual orientation) or he is having bisexual orientation (as they are comfortable with both male/female). He must be considering you as a very good friend only, and now his priority has changed. So, it is better to accept this painful truth. You should be happy that your friend will have normal social life and will not face social complication like you are facing in social life. So, ACCEPTANCE (for your orientation and friend marriage) will bring relief to you.

It will be better if you can meet nearby Psychiatrist for counseling on regular basis. As you are having some depressive symptoms, then after evaluation, short term antidepressants medicines (prescription medicines) will be also helpful for you.

I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you.
Wish you good health.
Regards,
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Remy Koshy
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ashish Mittal (2 hours later)
Thanks Dr. Mittal, As for consultation, can I see you as a possible pschyatrist to cure me ?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal (22 hours later)
Brief Answer:
Sure

Detailed Answer:
Hello,

Depression medicines are prescription medicines which can be given after in-person evaluation of patient.

You can visit me for personal evaluation and depression treatment.

Take care
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vaishalee Punj
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ashish Mittal (7 hours later)
Thanks Doctor. I probably knew the answer would be "Sure, why not. Vist my Clinic".
But the very thing I want to know if you are comfortable with curing depressions due to "Homosexuals", which are widely seen with hatred.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal (18 hours later)
Brief Answer:
Yes. I treat depression in homosexuals

Detailed Answer:
Hello

Thanks for your query

Doctors do not consider homosexuality an illness or socially awkward. It is a natural thing.

You can meet nearby psychiatrist or me for treatment of depression due to homosexuality. I am not judgemental while treating a patient.

Take care
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Kampana
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Answered by
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Dr. Ashish Mittal

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2004

Answered : 1859 Questions

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How can one overcome heart break after drifting apart from a close friend who is soon to be married?

Brief Answer: ACCEPT CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES Detailed Answer: Hello XXXXXXX Thanks for your query. I appreciate your efforts for medical consultation online in current distress. You appear to homosexual orientation from the information provided by you. Homosexuality is not physical and psychological disorders because of these laws are being change in all word gradually to provide it legal status. It is just a sexual orientation. Sexual orientation can be of three types: • Heterosexuality: liking for opposite sex • Homosexuality: liking for same sex • Bisexuality: comfortable with both sex Prevalence of Homosexuality is around 2-4% in XXXXXXX and in some western countries it is more than 5%. Sexual orientation cannot be change and as this is not a disorder, so do not worry about its treatment. But it is commonly associated with anxiety, depression, adjustment disorder (like you have with current partner), self harm and isolation because of social complication as you have been facing with in your family due to delayed marriage. Your friend may not have sexual attraction towards you (heterosexual orientation) or he is having bisexual orientation (as they are comfortable with both male/female). He must be considering you as a very good friend only, and now his priority has changed. So, it is better to accept this painful truth. You should be happy that your friend will have normal social life and will not face social complication like you are facing in social life. So, ACCEPTANCE (for your orientation and friend marriage) will bring relief to you. It will be better if you can meet nearby Psychiatrist for counseling on regular basis. As you are having some depressive symptoms, then after evaluation, short term antidepressants medicines (prescription medicines) will be also helpful for you. I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you. Wish you good health. Regards,