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Dr- 1. I Have A Problem That I Have Been
Question: Dr-
1. I have a problem that I have been dealing with since I was 10 years old
2. I immigrated to the US at the age of 9 & something happened with my family
3. Do to some bad circumstances - I have been forced to take in the role if emotional caretaker of my mother father & brother for the last 40 years
4. They do not allow me to have an independent existence or much of an independent purpose
5. My primary purpose in their eyes is to be a caretaker of all their problems and all their emotional ups , downs , needs and requirements
6. My problems are my problems & their problems are my problems
7. What more is that since my parents both suffer from severe depression - their like to point out inadequacies and problems in my life that I didn't even know existed
8. Can you pease offer some suggestions ? Thank you.
1. I have a problem that I have been dealing with since I was 10 years old
2. I immigrated to the US at the age of 9 & something happened with my family
3. Do to some bad circumstances - I have been forced to take in the role if emotional caretaker of my mother father & brother for the last 40 years
4. They do not allow me to have an independent existence or much of an independent purpose
5. My primary purpose in their eyes is to be a caretaker of all their problems and all their emotional ups , downs , needs and requirements
6. My problems are my problems & their problems are my problems
7. What more is that since my parents both suffer from severe depression - their like to point out inadequacies and problems in my life that I didn't even know existed
8. Can you pease offer some suggestions ? Thank you.
Brief Answer:
Please provide me more details
Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for using ask a doctor service.
I can understand your problem. Could you please provide more details about yourself, about the main issues and about your job?
Are you married?
What kind of issues you are facing in day to day routine?
Did you take any medicines?
Thanks
Please provide details in follow up.
Please provide me more details
Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for using ask a doctor service.
I can understand your problem. Could you please provide more details about yourself, about the main issues and about your job?
Are you married?
What kind of issues you are facing in day to day routine?
Did you take any medicines?
Thanks
Please provide details in follow up.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vaishalee Punj
Dr-
1. I live in a town a few hours away & I am am a lawyer
2. I am unmarried
3. It seems my parents want to control every aspect of my life. They don't hesitate to tell me how to live my life, what choices to make, who to marry, what kind of work to participate in,
4. I don't take any medications currently
5. I also think they suffer from serious depression and they dump all their problems & expectations on me . They also don't hesitate to criticize me at this age - fairly or unfairly.
6. I want their respect and to be able to live my life without their constant criticism
7. I can't seem to find any peace in their company. Also they will not let me to put distance between us. They constant me incessantly by various methods
8. How can I break free of this oppressive existence that has troubled me & find some peace?
Thanks.
1. I live in a town a few hours away & I am am a lawyer
2. I am unmarried
3. It seems my parents want to control every aspect of my life. They don't hesitate to tell me how to live my life, what choices to make, who to marry, what kind of work to participate in,
4. I don't take any medications currently
5. I also think they suffer from serious depression and they dump all their problems & expectations on me . They also don't hesitate to criticize me at this age - fairly or unfairly.
6. I want their respect and to be able to live my life without their constant criticism
7. I can't seem to find any peace in their company. Also they will not let me to put distance between us. They constant me incessantly by various methods
8. How can I break free of this oppressive existence that has troubled me & find some peace?
Thanks.
Brief Answer:
Talk with them directly.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
Thanks for providing details. Confusion of culture is most likely cause of your problem. You shifted to USA at very young age and you probably adjusted to the system. Your parents shifted to USA in their adulthood and its not very easy to get adjusted to the system. A lot of individuals who shift from their country become more rigid compared to the individuals of same age in their country. This rigidness is probably unconscious fear of getting changed. They suffered depression too and this is also a cause that they continuously poke into your matters.
You are 47 and are independent and your parents criticise you in small things. To come out of this you have only one option that is to talk with them directly. Tell them that you are well grown, independent and their constant criticism would only make your life worse. This could result in depression and this would indirectly affect them. Tell them sternly that if they have any problems then they should find solution for that. You will not entertain any unwanted criticism from them.
If you talk with them directly they will definitely understand. This can help you.
Thanks.
If in past you talked with them regarding this, then please mention.
Talk with them directly.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
Thanks for providing details. Confusion of culture is most likely cause of your problem. You shifted to USA at very young age and you probably adjusted to the system. Your parents shifted to USA in their adulthood and its not very easy to get adjusted to the system. A lot of individuals who shift from their country become more rigid compared to the individuals of same age in their country. This rigidness is probably unconscious fear of getting changed. They suffered depression too and this is also a cause that they continuously poke into your matters.
You are 47 and are independent and your parents criticise you in small things. To come out of this you have only one option that is to talk with them directly. Tell them that you are well grown, independent and their constant criticism would only make your life worse. This could result in depression and this would indirectly affect them. Tell them sternly that if they have any problems then they should find solution for that. You will not entertain any unwanted criticism from them.
If you talk with them directly they will definitely understand. This can help you.
Thanks.
If in past you talked with them regarding this, then please mention.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Dr-
1. That you for the advise & I will consider it carefully.
2. I also want to add that - since immigrating to the US my father has suffered from severe alcoholism & depression for 40 years. This has caused a lot of problems in my family needless to say. My parents marriage has been full of contentiousness & strife & I have been a reluctant witness for 40 years. My mother has often dragged me into the situation & expects me to intervene. In addition she and her side of the family have also been unkind to my father which has contributed to my father's drinking & abusive tendencies.
3. A few months ago I went to visit my parents who live in another town. They asked me some personal questions & I was very upset when I came back because it reminded me of when in the past they had tried to control my career decisions.
4. After that visit I started having some symptoms when I tried to fall asleep. Every night, A few minutes into sleep I would awaken in a very violent, sudden, aggressive & frightened state. Then I would be awake for some time & then finally fall asleep. This event was very frightening as it would sometimes cause me to literal jump out of bed in some occasions in the middle of my sleep cycle. This occurred nighly for several months and affected my state of mind.
5. This seems to have calmed down now- but it still happens on some occasions. However it is not as severe.
6. Are you familiar with this type of situation? Have you ever encounterd this problem is your practice? If so what is the diagnosis? And what is the remedy?
7. Thank you again for your assistance.
1. That you for the advise & I will consider it carefully.
2. I also want to add that - since immigrating to the US my father has suffered from severe alcoholism & depression for 40 years. This has caused a lot of problems in my family needless to say. My parents marriage has been full of contentiousness & strife & I have been a reluctant witness for 40 years. My mother has often dragged me into the situation & expects me to intervene. In addition she and her side of the family have also been unkind to my father which has contributed to my father's drinking & abusive tendencies.
3. A few months ago I went to visit my parents who live in another town. They asked me some personal questions & I was very upset when I came back because it reminded me of when in the past they had tried to control my career decisions.
4. After that visit I started having some symptoms when I tried to fall asleep. Every night, A few minutes into sleep I would awaken in a very violent, sudden, aggressive & frightened state. Then I would be awake for some time & then finally fall asleep. This event was very frightening as it would sometimes cause me to literal jump out of bed in some occasions in the middle of my sleep cycle. This occurred nighly for several months and affected my state of mind.
5. This seems to have calmed down now- but it still happens on some occasions. However it is not as severe.
6. Are you familiar with this type of situation? Have you ever encounterd this problem is your practice? If so what is the diagnosis? And what is the remedy?
7. Thank you again for your assistance.
Brief Answer:
This could be due to anxiety.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
You are developing symptoms when they intrude in your matter or ask unwanted questions. This could be due to anxiety with some mood disturbance. Since you are normal in other domains so there is no acute need to get panicked. Anxiety is resulting in increased incidences of symptoms.
To come out of these symptoms and this problem best is to ignore anything they ask. If you can answer then answer their questions and if you don't feel comfortable with their questions then tell them clearly that you don't like these type of questions. This is resulting in impairment in your functioning and tell this clearly to them. With time they will improve.
Due to stress you develop symptoms and if there are no such incidences then you are good. This is due to adjustment disorder with anxiety symptoms most likely and nothing very serious.
Thanks
Still have more to ask please ask again.
This could be due to anxiety.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
You are developing symptoms when they intrude in your matter or ask unwanted questions. This could be due to anxiety with some mood disturbance. Since you are normal in other domains so there is no acute need to get panicked. Anxiety is resulting in increased incidences of symptoms.
To come out of these symptoms and this problem best is to ignore anything they ask. If you can answer then answer their questions and if you don't feel comfortable with their questions then tell them clearly that you don't like these type of questions. This is resulting in impairment in your functioning and tell this clearly to them. With time they will improve.
Due to stress you develop symptoms and if there are no such incidences then you are good. This is due to adjustment disorder with anxiety symptoms most likely and nothing very serious.
Thanks
Still have more to ask please ask again.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vaishalee Punj
Answered by
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