I understand what you are going through. If you are takingonly zicam and trika
for your depression
, then lady I am afraid that you are not on any treatment for your depression. Its good that you are planning for the CBT but you should take proper drugs as well. Considering that you are jobless and surely have financial problems and considering that you dont like suicidal thoughts as you have stated, starting on TCA
like amitryptilline will be good option to consider. However if you have suicidal thoughts then its better to take SSRI
or escitalopram. Exercise, good diet and involvement in hobbies will also help you. Try making some friends and try discussing your thoughts with them.
Hope I am able to solve your concerns.
have a nice day.