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Dr. Andrew Rynne
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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Suggest Therapy For Anxiety Caused Due To A Relationship

I'm a male 35 year old married. I have a colleague she is 30 year women marrried.

We are professionally very closely related and requires lot of interaction on day to day basis.

I came to know her 6 months back when i was in Gurgaon and she was in Mumbai.

I had not at all seen her but i don't know i felt very comfortable talking to her.

Once I did'nt know she was on a long vaccation. I was in GGN at tht time and sent her an email stating" Hi dear, where r u. I'm not able to find you and it is very dificult for me, if i won't talk to you atleast once a day. Call me or msg me as soon as u c this email. Missing you a lot" This is the exact email i sent.

After 1 day, when she had logged in from her home, she sent an email stating "nice to hear tht" and gave her number to call any time.

After this email I felt more comfortable talking to her.

I use to call her in the nights after 10pm, on sundays she never hesitated to talk to me.

I started sharing my feelings with her and she either felt uncomfortable listening to me nor accepted.

I asked her once to let me know if she feel discomfort for my emotional talks or my sms's.

She told tht i can share my feelings with her without any hesitations.

Once she even sent her photo and asked me to share my photo which I also did.



Recently in Dec'10 our office got shifted to Mumbai and I met her for the first time.

On tht day I gifted her few things which she accepted and she told was very happy for the gifts and liked it very much.

She told, the gifts are very cute and she wud keep at her desk so tht it always remembers me for her.



Once i was on vaccation for 5days for diwali.

In office ther was a ethnic day and she had won the best dress award.

She called me to inform about this.



she also shared a bit of her personal feelings after I came here.

I called for a dinner outside and she told for dinner it wud be difficult as her daughter will be waiting for her.

So I told her we will go out for lunch and she happily came with me for lunch as well.

My heart like's her very much and i feel very uncomfortable if she is not in office.

I don't know whether she too feels the same but when ever i'm on leave, she tries finding some or the other formal reason(many times its been silly reasons to call)me & talk.

I have observed her many times doing this. Also purposefully if i stop interacting with her for a few days,

she tries to flert with me and tries to attract me.



When ever she comes dressed up well to office, she expects me to compliment her.

Once I puposefully did not compliment and tht day she tried to attract me by passing away my place for more

than 5 times the whole day and after leaving office, she simply sms'd me keeping some formal reason to talk.

When I called her, she almost spoke with me for 15 min.



Recently i was feeling very lonely and felt like talking to her and called her on Sunday. She did not lift the call.

I called for more than 6 times and but there was no response. I sms'd and then also there was no response. I was frustrated and

sent her an email why did'nt u take my call. She replied, i'm putting the same words of her "i was very busy with my

grany's 13thday death ceremony and i cannot attend to your calls or sms's leaving all tht".



After tht I felt this was very rude of her and i stopped talking to her for almost 10days.

Recently she started again flirting with me pointing out my dressing, my stlye of work, the way i treat my team.

I'm confused now - whether she really like's me or not

is she just managing me becoze we are cloely related in our work.



Please let me know, so tht i don't want mine & her life to be spoiled for nothing.



I donot have any intentions of having affair, etc, etc with her.

I like her very much because she is very hard working, lively person and has responded very nicely for my feelings.





Thanks

Sunil Kumar N
Mon, 29 Dec 2014
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General & Family Physician 's  Response
Hello Sunil kumar,
First try to analyse your feelings and expectations instead of thinking what feelings she has on you. The main thing is even if you love her , you both are married and don't want to spoil ur families. Also as u said u don't wanna have affair with her, den wat do u want?? Question urself.
It is quite normal to have crush on Co workers and mostly when dey respond to ur feelings. But to take it into next level der are many obstacles and problems. It's best if u understand this and maintain the line between you.
Treat her as ur fren and be as casual as u can. If you are normal den she ll behave normal. If you stop talking den she may flirt you to grab ur attention which you might also be doing if she won't talk. So this is also messy. Just be a fren and don't have much expectations. Spend quality time with family and other friends. Develop a hobby and try to overcome her. If required go to a psychologist. It's just a beginning so u ll get over her and be happy. Don't worry. All the best.
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Suggest Therapy For Anxiety Caused Due To A Relationship

Hello Sunil kumar, First try to analyse your feelings and expectations instead of thinking what feelings she has on you. The main thing is even if you love her , you both are married and don t want to spoil ur families. Also as u said u don t wanna have affair with her, den wat do u want?? Question urself. It is quite normal to have crush on Co workers and mostly when dey respond to ur feelings. But to take it into next level der are many obstacles and problems. It s best if u understand this and maintain the line between you. Treat her as ur fren and be as casual as u can. If you are normal den she ll behave normal. If you stop talking den she may flirt you to grab ur attention which you might also be doing if she won t talk. So this is also messy. Just be a fren and don t have much expectations. Spend quality time with family and other friends. Develop a hobby and try to overcome her. If required go to a psychologist. It s just a beginning so u ll get over her and be happy. Don t worry. All the best.