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Xanax is alprazolam and it is a benzodiazepine
drug. It is used in short term control of anxiety. It provides symptomatic relief only. You have been taking it about 8 mg daily and it is a high dose for alprazolam. Psychiatrists prescribe the medicine only during initial phase of therapy so that main antidepressant or anti anxiety drug start showing effectiveness. As it is a drug of abuse so I would advise you to not to seek this drug. You have to take care of your special child and you have other problems also, I advise you to please visit a good psychiatrist and take opinion regarding the problem of depression
and suicidal ideation
. Antidepressants like Fluoxetine
etc will help in your case. Don't ever think about self harm or suicide. Just think about your child, you have to take care of him. If you are still not able to cope with situation kindly call suicide helpline for discussion about your problem.
Dr. Seikhoo Bishnoi, MD