Welcome to HCM
The symptoms you have described like doubt, temptation of hurting people, negative thoughts, thoughts of spiders in foodetv. Are part of your illness. You also know that these are your own thoughts but you cant control them. They are in yuppie mind most of the times. As per my opinion most likely you are having clinical picture of OCD
or obsessive compulsive disorder
. In OCD individual is compelled to think which he wants to avoid, these thoughts produce anxiety
and to prevent anxiety individual tend to do some thing also called compulsion.
So as per my opinion kindly visit a psychiatrist
and take opinion. Treatment is available and both medicinal and psychological treatment is successful.
Hope I cleared your doubt.