Hello and welcome to Healthcare Magic. Thanks for your query.

I will certainly advise and guide you regarding this matter. Before that, can you please clarify the last question (regarding the sexual part) as I am not clear what your actual question is...

Regards,
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist

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Hello again and thanks for your clarification.

Firstly, I would like to let you know that having increasd sexual drive in this age group is considered normal. Secondly, you must understand that marriage is a very major decision in your life and hence this decision has to be taken patiently and rationally, and not with haste.

Now, there is no 'perfect' time to get married, because this decision will depend on each individual's personal situation and circumstances. But in general, it would be a good to attain a reasonable level of EMOTIONAL MATURITY as well as STABILITY in life before entering into marriage. This is because of two reasons:
1) Without sufficient emotional maturity, it is difficult to make correct decisions regarding your life partner. An immature person makes decisions based on his temporary emotions, rather than thinking clearly about the future and long term plans and consequences.
2) Marriage and subsequent family life is a big responsibility, and so, it is important that the man is in a fairly stable state in his life with regard to his career / job, financial position and social situation. If there is instability in these areas, then marriage and family life can often become stressful and difficult to cope up.

In most of our Indian cultures, men are expected to take a lead role in a marital relationship in terms of social and financial responsibilities. That is why, many experts believe that for men, an age between 24 to 29 would be an appropriate age for marriage.

Now, regarding the matter of controlling sexual feelings, like I mentioned before, having sexual feelings and desires is a normal part of development. And there can even be certain phases or periods where you feel that you have a more than usual sexual drive. These fluctuations take place because of hormonal changes and are quite common in young, unmarried males. But, this excessive sexual drive alone SHOULD NOT be a major criteria for getting married urgently. Because, if you are driven by your emotions and feelings, then you are unlikely to make a wise and reasonable choice in life.

However, if you feel that your sexual drive is excessive or difficult to control or interfering with your normal functioning, you can try the following suggestions:

- Firstly, keep your mind active and occupied at all times. Stop being idle. Idle time is not good and your mind will eventually wander away to sexual thoughts. So, find a new hobby or learn something new (like a new sport or a musical instrument); this will keep your mind form being idle and prevent developing these frequent sexual thoughts.

- Regular physical exercise is very important. You can join a gym or have your own exercise schedule. This will not only keep your body healthy but also keep your mind fresh.

- Make plans and goals for your future. You have to make short-term and long-term goals for your life and start working to achieve them. This will keep your mind foccussed and prevent your thoughts from getting scattered.

- Improve your social life. XXXXXXX friends and relatives, go for outings or group activities and keep yourself busy. If you keep staying alone in your room, you are more prone to engage in sexual preoccupations frequently.

- You can try yoga and meditation. This can help you develop a discipline of your mind and body and help you get a mastery over your thoughts.

- Remove anything which triggers you into a sexual mood. For example, clear your room of all pornographic material; if you access internet pornography, you can disconnect your internet connection, etc.

- Stop thinking and feeling guilty about this all the time. The more you think about it, the more difficult it becomes. So, get rid of the guilt in your mind and keep your mind relaxed.

- If you feel that you need professional help, then please don't hesitate to consult a psychiatrist for further personal counselling.

Wish you all the best.

- Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist

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Dear XXXXXXX,

It is natural for people to have fears and doubts whether they will make the right choice or not regarding selecting their life partner. Spending the rest of your life with another person should be a joyous and fulfilling experience, and so you must pick someone with whom you are compatible. Here are a few tips on making a good choice.

- I would suggest that the first step is to have a proper self-awareness about yourself and what you expect in a marital relationship. Maybe you can put down your ideas in a diary - for example, what are your qualities, what are your strengths and weaknesses, and what are the qualities you expect from your oartner.

- I can understand that at this age, looks, attractiveness, and sexual desires may be forming majority of your thoughts, but it is important to control your emotions and desires, and think logically and practically, because attraction is a temporary phase and will fade of in a few months or years; wheras you will have to live with your partner for a lifetime. So, don’t fall in the trap of wanting to live with someone forever because of physical attraction or even because of feelings, you can allow feelings and attraction to come first, but then you must allow logic to control the feelings and emotions, so that you don’t choose the wrong life partner.

- Compatibility (matching) is a very important factor to be considered while choosing a life partner. Your partner should be compatible on the following major aspects:

1) Basic values and core beliefs. i.e. religious beliefs, moral and family values
2) Culture and style of living
3) Level of intelligence and ambitions

- It is a better idea to get to know a person properly before making any decisions. Whether it is love marriage or arranged marriage, you should have a free and open discussion with the person to find out if both of you are having similar ideas and expectations and what each other expects out of a marital relationship. Avoid becoming intimately involved with a potential partner until you get to know the person properly.

- Be honest about yourself. Many people try to project a false image about themselves, just for the sake of impressing or attracting the other person. Though this may work for temporarily gaining the attraction of the other person, in the long run it will have adverse consequences.

- Be patient. You may not immediately come accross the right and suitable person for you. Remember, this is a major and life-long decision, so it is important not to be hasty and make wrong judgements.

- Finally, the MOST important thing to remember is that whichever partner you select, you should remember that marriage involves a lot of understanding, adjustment and sacrifice. Relationships don't just happen by themselves, but you must take constant efforts to make things work. Your efforts should be with the aim of building a bond of love and trust. Once this bond is built strongly, then both your lives will be happy and marriage will be a joyous experience.

Wish you good luck with finding a suitable partner.

Regards,
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist

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Dear XXXXXXX,

I'm glad that my advise was useful to you. Kindly leave a positive review, if you are satisfied with my answers.

Regards,
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist

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