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Unable to reach orgasm with partner. What could be the reason behind it?

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Sexologist
Practicing since : 1999
Answered : 127 Questions
Question
hello i want sexologist or psychologist to answer me not psychiatrist . i have a problem to have orgasm or even Sexual Ecstasy. i love to do sex with a man i luv him i feel i want him and feel iam happy emotionaly very much when he aproaches me or my body but not physically or pleasure in my body part. it likes happy and emotional sexual feelings and have a desire to touch my body and touch his body but not sexual ecstasy in my body part . while the sexual banter makes me feel happy emotionaly but not a sexual pleasure feeling in my body or skin . i tried sex with other men same problem and even no emotional feeling. but there is one when he kissed me smoothly i felt pleasure in my lips but not like the situation when i was 14 although the guy i luv always kissing me smoothly and it makes me feel happy emotionaly not pleasure in my lips.i tried to be kissed from woman( because they told me maybe iam a lezbo) and same thing no pleasure in feelings. when i was 14 my first sexual try was with a woman it wasnt complete sex but i felt so much pleasure in my body and lips and even breast nipples like the part getting relaxed and like the feeling of orgasm in clitoris but it happens in the lips or even nipples and had so many orgasm and sexual ecstasy and its more even the guy who i felt relaxed when he kissed me. also i can reach orgasm while doing hand job by rubbing my clitoris with pen or even my bed and openning my legs and i learned this habbit from i was 14
Posted Sat, 30 Nov 2013 in Sexual Problems
 
 
Answered by Dr. A. CHAKRAVARTHY 10 hours later
Brief Answer: Foreplay & Stimulation of Clitoris --> Orgasm Detailed Answer: Dear XXXX, Thanks for the query in XXXXXXX To achieve orgasm, adequate stimulation of body and mind is required. More than 70% females reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation than just penetrative sex. Since you are able to reach orgasm by manual rubbing of clitoris, you are unable to reach orgasm with your partner may be due to 1. Your intimacy with the partner is not adequate 2. Lack of fantasy while intercourse with your partner 3. Lack of Clitoral stimulation and foreplay from your partner. Proper stimulation of breast and nipples or even fantasies can also result in orgasm. Another concern of you from your query is about masturbation. Masturbation is normal and healthy method of reaching sexual pleasure in both men and women. Hence do not feel guilty of doing masturbation. Also, masturbation as such do not cause any health problems best regards Dr A CHAKRAVARTHY Consultant in Reproductive & Sexual Medicine (Sexologist) Kerala, Republic of India
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Unable to reach orgasm with partner. What could be the reason behind it? 1 hour later
1-me and my partner we have big fantasy and i have big desire for him ; we do phone sex and i have big desire and fantasy and i reach orgasm by rubbing my clitories with any things.2-isnt about desire and fantasy there is somthing i dont know what is it exactly not just with hem even i tried with others to discover, and isnt just orgasm what i talked about its also pleasure in body part (i dont know what they call it but its a feeling relaxed in he part cells its self and pleasured ;like while kissing lips u feel relaxed and pleasured in the lips it self or even whilehen i feel orgaam in my clitories ots relaxed in muscles ok ,like this feellong nearly what i mean but u feel it in the body part while kissed or licked in my body parts like nipples while licking them and isnt about fantasy i have big fantasy with my partner and thats why i like him because of the sexual fantasy and desire. this feelings i felt while i was 14 and i didnt want to do sex with her; she didt it by force then i felt relaxed
 
 
Answered by Dr. A. CHAKRAVARTHY 9 hours later
Brief Answer: Query Detailed Answer: Hi XXXX, You said, you are not reaching orgasm with your partner. How much time you spend on foreplay? Do he stimulate your clitoris? Are you getting adequate lubrication during foreplay? How much time after insertion of penis it takes him to ejaculate? When you masturbate, what you fantasize? awaiting your response to give you suggestions regards Dr A CHAKRAVARTHY
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Unable to reach orgasm with partner. What could be the reason behind it? 1 hour later
is feeling pleasure in body part like nipples, XXXXXXX is kind of orgasm or wat we call it ?we spend like 30 min and sometimes faster or more. (btw i tried more than one partner and i felt same) .yes he rub my clitories with hands and penis and lick it and i think yes we dun take so much time and last time i was anoised when he licked to me and this feeling maybe like when u r not horny and some one lick ur clitories u will feel anoised .maybe because we dont take time. 3- but why when he aproaches to kiss me i feel desire to be kissed but when he starts to kiss me i feel bored and anoised even other two persons i felt like this. 4- it takes like 10 min to ejaculate he can ejaculate from 3 mins but we make it long somtimes. from a year i started to stop fantasize i was very active was fantasize lonely or phone sex being sex slave, nurse teasing my luv or patient, stripper, teasing my luv while he is busy in work;now always being bitch and getting violence words and reviling
 
 
Answered by Dr. A. CHAKRAVARTHY 32 hours later
Brief Answer: Sex Therapy - Best Treatment Strategy Detailed Answer: Hi XXXX Sorry for the delay in replying. The real problem which i feel from your history is that "the fantasies (being sex slave, nurse teasing your partner or patient, stripper, teasing your partner while he is busy at work etc..) which made you reach orgasm in the past and when you do masturbation is lacking while you have intercourse with your partner. My suggestions. 1. Bring back those fantasies 2. Sex Therapy is the best way to get over your problem. Approach a sex therapist near to your place best regards Dr A CHAKRAVARTHY
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Unable to reach orgasm with partner. What could be the reason behind it? 6 days later
what is masturbation lacking with my partner?
 
 
Answered by Dr. A. CHAKRAVARTHY 15 hours later
Brief Answer: Clarity Needed Detailed Answer: Hi XXXX, It is not the masturbation lacking with the partner that lead to decreased pleasure in you. It is the "fantasy" that you are lacking while you do intercourse which lead to not attaining the pleasure for you. You are having that "fantasy" while you do masturbation which lead to the pleasure for you Hope I can make you understand the situation. best regards Dr A CHAKRAVARTHY
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Unable to reach orgasm with partner. What could be the reason behind it? 10 days later
hello dr how r u. yes because of my masturbation way which imagining that iam horny in real for long time and needing sex while my partner ignore me lil bit before pleasing me (or even in my dreams and imiganiry part i dream to be in situation pleased lil bit then wants and needs more but i couldnt get easily from my partner) and depends always on rubbing clitories with toys not real things. so i tried sex with new partner and same way of my fantasis he tries to foreplay and please me but slowly and first of all please me lil bit then ignore me when i feel i want and this made me feel happy and pleased in sex very much and also he have other way of sucking and kissing which is slowly and deeeply and it sames iam the kind of women who likes deeeply. so thank you very much dr <3
 
 
Answered by Dr. A. CHAKRAVARTHY 2 hours later
Brief Answer: Thanks for the feedback Detailed Answer: Hi XXXX, That is great to hear you that you started enjoying the sexual bliss. All the very best Dr A CHAKRAVARTHY
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Unable to reach orgasm with partner. What could be the reason behind it? 9 hours later
yes thank u very much its because u helped me to understand my self more. i also loved kissing by saction deeply more than sucking , can u learn the best way to kiss or suck nipples and clitoriees to let the partner do it
 
 
Answered by Dr. A. CHAKRAVARTHY 28 hours later
Brief Answer: Sex Therapist Detailed Answer: Dear XXXX, It is really happy to hear that my help is well appreciated. It is difficult to suggest the best ways online. It would be advisable to approach a good sex therapist / educator near your place for enhancing your sex life Best wishes Dr A CHAKRAVARTHY
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Unable to reach orgasm with partner. What could be the reason behind it? 32 hours later
in kuwait our sex therapist are few and not in high level
 
 
Answered by Dr. A. CHAKRAVARTHY 14 days later
Brief Answer: Could Not find one in Kuwait Detailed Answer: Hi XXXX, I also tried to find a therapist in Kuwait. It would be advisable to read a book called "Guide to getting it On" by XXXXXXX Joannides" best regards Dr A CHAKRAVARTHY Kerala, India
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
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