Question: Was I abused? It’s a question that leaves me feeling very suspicious as an adult.

As an adult I feel as though I’m left with a lot of issues that somehow stem from my childhood.

First off, my father is a transvestite who had hid his problem until he once decided to go out on the street of our home dressed up in front of the neighbours. Later, the neighbours called the police and this was how I quickly learned about my dad and his secret.

My mother has anger issues and a personality disorder. She would have rages that I would witness.
My outlet was visiting my other part of the family, I’d feel physically sick sometimes when returning home.

I can’t remember ever been sexually abused. But I wonder if I was as a new-born baby when I might not re-call easily? Or what if I blanked it out when older. All I know is, why is it even something I’m asking myself?

With my father’s odd behaviour, it makes me wonder what other things he was capable off.

Are some of my issues perhaps genetically inherited? Or is it more a case of what happened when growing up?

I don’t really remember been a toddler, I just don’t remember it hardly at all. I seem to recall hating toddlers when I was a tiny bit older even to the point of wanting to harm them, not that I ever did. I might have been 3 to 5 when that happened at a guess.
As a toddler, I also remember something strange within the kitchen, I think. I can’t remember it, but it feels like a bondage scene.

Another time I remember been in the bath, letting off gas, and filling the whole bath with excrement. Maybe this is normal? Or is it a sign of abuse? My father was there at the time and seemed surprised by it.

My dad as you might expect is weak minded and my mother is extremely dominant. My mother’s aggressive behaviour wouldn’t be stopped by my dad, but rather encouraged it would feel at times, because he didn’t know how to deal with her.
Away from the home, I remember been at a playgroup and one of the kids there were messing with themselves in a sexual manner. I remember been the last kid home. I’m not sure, but I think that I said to my parents on the way home that I never wanted to go back there again, I’m not sure if I ever did – but I don’t remember.

These are the only things I can remember that might or might not be connected. I await your advice and opinion.

Thanks for your reply. This is something I would be interested with. How does it work?