Question: Hello - Unfortunate - I have self medicated on meth since 17 - On and off. Recently went for help to take Adderall for ADD. Doctor introduced SSRI Ciphralex into the mix, 5mg dose I often missed a dose or even for period up to a week before starting the SSRI again - Lately I have been feeling like bombshell and bipolar. Have never felt anxiety as I have, What can I do to better take care of myself and ultimately recover as I wish to. I was on Adderall 30 for 6 months - Often stopped taking them on weekends to give myself a break. Feel lazy all the time, Can't cook for myself, Can''t maintain timely matter toward anything I wish to - Is there some way out of this mess - I know I need to go back to the doctors - I stopped taking medications cause i could not deal with the followup paperwork and am now wishing I did not mix such "street toxics" with my SSRI followed by just quitting it. Praying for solution.

Further, I unfortunatly injured my Penis quite seriously in an accident, And have had serious problems with Erection due to the scar tissue - Is it better to "Rough the formed scar up to soften it" by vigorous use or - avoid it as I have - To allow ample time to heal over? - I have also smoked weed quite frequently to escape my daily problems but have decided to discontinue this and get better. I can't seem to keep appointment with my doctors,
Not sure if it is laziness, I can't seem to do anything that requires sustained attention - Cannot feel good about anything. Just negative, Suicidal. etc.

What is a simple way for me to help myself, is there any benefit to taking something like Cymbalta or Ciphralex on a short term period to help lessen neurotoxicity?

Thank you for your reply,

1) I have been off adderall for about 2 months. Though I have taken it a few times to get through work and fatigue, Usually only once or twice a week. I find I have problems sleeping when I take it, and skin gets cold sweat that shines and causes Acne. Also, by the time of 5PM in the day I just want to lay down, even though I cannot sleep.

2) The dosage of Cipralex was 5Mg, but routinely I would miss a day or take it at different times. After about 5-6 months of taking it like this, I started taking 10 dose but not often before quitting suddenly and now feeling completely different - than I have ever felt - for the worst. Again everything in my life became so disorganized I would have no routine to take my meds on a regular basis. I found the only way I could handle Adderall and Ciphralex was with smoking regular marijuana. This is something I wish not to have in my life, So I quit everything but my life has become unmanageable. I am mostly concerned that I was using m-amphetamine recreationally while on Ciphralex for up to 2 days at a time, average twice bi-weekly - and I have never had problems like this since 17-25 with ocasionally using meth to get things done. Now, when I use it, I cannot get things done - I feel completely numb and imbalanced. My focus is horrible and I cannot even pay attention to routine follow-up as I used to. The normal things I used to do, even 12 months ago, seem impossible. I have developed a horrible lack of management and get anxiety just reading things people send to me.

3) The suicide plans have been thought out but I have the hope to not go there yet. If things do not get better, I will be lost and without my ability to do the work due to extreme tiredness and concentration issues while sober - Especially anxiety and depression. A totally empty numb feeling, No matter what it persists.


4) The penis injury: I met with the accident 4 months ago. The scar tissue is at the off-center base of the penis, "The darker center area", it covers across many tiny and not so tiny blood vessels. I cannot seem to get aroused or have a proper erection since. The scar is slightly raised and hardened. The scar length is approx 1.5cm - but half of it is much more prominent. Any surgical, topical or self help routines suggested? It seems when I get hard, that the hard scar tissue is blocking blood vessels in this critical "v" base shaft area and slightly gives an oddly shaped erection - I cannot get rock hard or orgasm as I could, I have almost become asexually oriented. Would any other details or a better, perhaps erect close up of the scar tissue area help in your further exploration of this concern?

I have been too unfocused and scared to bring this up or have it addressed to this date. Also, very bitter about it.

I hope I have given you enough information to be of merit - I am out of ideas and I do not wish to lose my job. Prof. suggested I may have bipolar characteristics but confident it was only a possible concern to watch for. I have not been to any of my doctors - Stopped taking care of myself - Feel no drive - No enthusiasm. I recently stopped listening to music, I cannot formulate sentences or even "try" - I feel isolated and alienated..

Some suggestions have been honesty and medical leave of absence - I do not know - I wish to feel as I did before - carefree and happy - but too many responsibilities and follow-ups to handle when I have been feeling so unkempt - It is impossible.

Some other thing worth mentioning: Grey hair in the last 8 months, quite alot. White patches of uneven pigment in the skin forming below testacles, in the area commonly itchy. Dermatolgist locally said it is nothing but a lack of pigment but it has appeared almost suddenly and is large (1.5 inch, rounded-oval-random.) started with one small spot at the very base of the scrotum.