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Recently married. Losing interest in sex. What to do?

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Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 1835 Questions
I am 37 year old.. recently married.. (3 months before), we had 7-8 times I am not getting interest to do sex. Before marriage.. I had fantancy of sex with guys for last 15 years. help me.. what to do now.
Posted Thu, 26 Sep 2013 in Sexual Problems
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 48 minutes later
Brief Answer:

Detailed Answer:
Thanks for your query.
I appreciate your efforts for medical consultation in so much distress.
Important aspects of your query are:
•     37 year old recently married male
•     Known case of back pain
•     History of fantancy of sex with same sex (guys) for last 15 years.
•     Complaints of: lack of interest in Sex

Lack of interest in Sex (Low libido) can be a result of a psychological or physical problem. The causes for both are many.

First you need to understand different type of sexual orientation a person can have. Sexual orientation can be of three types:
•     Heterosexuality: liking for opposite sex
•     Homosexuality: liking for same sex
•     Bisexuality: comfortable with both sex

You appear to bisexual orientation from the information of 8 times intercourse with wife and fantancy of sex with same sex (guys) for last 15 years. Bisexuality and Homosexuality is not physical and psychological disorders because of these laws are being change in all word gradually to provide it legal status. It is just a sexual orientation. But inspite of that society only accept heterosexual orientation as normal.

Prevalence of Bisexuality is around 1-2% in India and in some western countries it is more than 3%. Sexual orientation cannot be change and as this is not a disorder, so do not worry about its treatment. But it is commonly associated with anxiety, depression, adjustment disorder, self harm and isolation because of social complication and conflictual thoughts regarding orientation. Due to psychological issues associated with problem a person can have lack of sexual desire.

For treatment following steps will be helpful:
-Stop alcohol or smoking (if present)
-Examination and investigation by physician to rule out physical causes of low libido as mentioned above.
-In person counseling by psychologist to resolve psychological conflicts.

I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you. In case of any doubt, I will be available for follow ups.
Wish you good health.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Recently married. Losing interest in sex. What to do? 19 minutes later
Thank you Dr XXXXXXX

I am getting erect when I am reading any sex stories or porn sites.. I don't have habit of smoking or alcohol.
Now my sexual desire with my wife is not happening, due to my 15 years habit of fun with guys.. which is normal shaking & soft core and more hard core.

It has been 3 months after marriage, last 45 days, I am not able to do anything with her, except kissing and hugging.. I am not getting mood.. I am really scare, how to make her happy. Now I want to be good husband to her. I should not spoil her sexual interest. If any good sexologist or pyschatrist in Chennai from your board, please suggest me.
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 17 minutes later
Brief Answer:
Detailed below

Detailed Answer:
Hello again,
Thanks for follow up.

I can understand your concern. You need evaluation as mentioned above.

You can visit Dr XXXXXXX in Chennai.

His helthcaremagic profile link is:
Please accept my answer in case there are no further queries and recommend our services to your friends too if you have found it helpful.

Wish you good health.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Recently married. Losing interest in sex. What to do? 18 minutes later
Dear Doctor, Thanks for your suggestion. Is it due to my past sexual fantancy and interest or my mind problem. what will be the reason for not getting desire or erect.
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 47 minutes later
Brief Answer:
it appears due to multiple psychological reasons

Detailed Answer:
Thanks for follow up again.

In your case it appear due to multiple psychological reasons and sexual orientation issues as explained in primary reply.

But same time we there is need to rule out physical causes for low libido (by examination and investigation by physician) like:
Neurological disorders (as you already have back ache problem), alcoholism, drug abuse, hormonal imbalances (including: testosterone, thyroid, prolactine and estrogen), diabetes, hypertension, blood vessel disease and chronic diseases.

Wish you good health.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
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