Question: My husband is very snippy with me and acts like he can't stand to be around me some days. He says very hurtful things like you wanted a baby not me, so you should have to do 90% of the work (our daughter is 4 momths old). He did not want his older son (he was an accident) but takes full responsibilty and enjous him. He mentions divorce and says he will take me for custody, but if he only wants to do 10% of the work why should he even care to have a child he doesnt want. He also says things like i dont love myself how am i supposed to love you. He says there is nothing here for him (he moved away from his hometown). He would rather find a job and work away so that he doesnt have to be here and can jist send pay checks home and go out drinking with his buddies. When i say why dont you just leave if you're so unhappy, he questions why i don't. My resoonse is akways the same that i love him and i want our family to be together. He says every day it gets closer and closer to ending and it is only a matter of time. My health has been suffering for the last few months and I quesfioned later in kife what if something furned up being more severe and he commented that he would have to weigh out the pros and cons and then decided if he would stay. I thought that when you are married you stick together. On occassion he acts like and tells me he loves me, but im wondering if it is all a lie? I dont know what to do, he has mever really been emotional with me ever and i feel like im at wits end and hurting both physically and emotionally.

Thank you for responding and offering some advice. I have provided a good bit of details. There is A LOT to deal with. 1. Your husband's age and family background? My husband is 30 and I am turning 30 this year in September. My husband was born in XXXXXXX Massachusetts and move to a small town in Pennsylvania at the age of six. At fifteen his parents divorced and he moved with his mother to another small town in Pennsylvania two hours away from his dad. He did have contact with both of his parents, but approx. five years ago his dad passed away pretty rapidly due to diabetes complications. He continues to have a relationship with his mother and step dad. His son is to a previous relationship of five years that ended on mutual terms, but the mother of his son ultimately had found someone else that she wanted to be with during his and her relationship. When I met my husband we both had just gotten out of long term relationships in which we each have a child from. His relationship being five years with the mother to his son (age 8). My previous relationship was for eight years and I have a daughter (age 9). Neither of us were married previously, but did live with our previous significant others. I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania about 45 minutes away from where my husband was living when I first met him. My parents are both still married and I have only moved to the next town over from where I grew up. I met my husband a month after my eight year relationship had ended and his previous relationship ended a few weeks prior. We met in a bar (of all places) in the town he was currently residing in. initially I had no intentions of dating him since I just got out of a long relationship and still didn't fully recover from all the emotions of having a broken family. We would occasionally meet up at the bar for some drinks and dancing and we went out once for dinner. One night we were both intoxicated and his friends persuaded us to make us official (it didn't really take much persuasion though, it was something neither of us had discussed prior to that night). After being together for ten months we both decided to fly to Las Vegas and elope. The plan was for us to move in together in the town he resided in, which mean relocating my daughter to a new school system and leaving my family. My husband at the time had moved back into his mothers house after his prior relationship ended. I had my own apartment so he left his job because he would need to be on call and was not allowed to work from where I reside and he moved in with me. After six month of searching for a home and trying to get court permission to move my daughter to another school, I had realized that I had no desire to move to the town he was living in and that we could not afford to make ends meet. I decided without his consent to remain in my apartment and stay put. He had no income and wasn't even trying to find employment. I was the only one working full time and I felt like at the time I was making the best decision. My husband was rather upset because I live where there are really no sources of entertainment, shopping, restaurants, etc don't exist where I live. I have to drive about 20 miles for any of those things. He HATES the town I was living in and the entire area. There are many small farms and more poverty than what he was used to. He was also upset because staying in my apartment meant he would see his son less than what he was. We stayed put, but he still continues to hold a grudge because he may not have decided to marry me knowing that I was going to "bail out" and stay where I grew up. We struggle as a broken family because our parent styles are different and we are two totally different people. I am generally shy and like peace and quiet where he is the life of the party and wants to be the center of attention. Every time we are all together as a family it seems like we argue more. I feel that he appreciates and cares for his son far more than he does my daughter. I often get the impression that he is constantly annoyed by my daughter. In his eyes his son does no wrong, yet he is quick to point out anything my daughter does that he doesn't like. In turn that frustrates me and I am quick to mention all the things I observe his son doing that I don't approve of. About two years ago I found out that I was pregnant. At that time also I began having health issues (I suffer from inappropriate sinus tachycardia). Our relationship was really rocky, he did not have a job, and I was only working part time. He pushed the idea for me to get an abortion. Never in my life did I think that would be something I would ever do, but he had left for his mothers house and we weren't on speaking terms. Every conversation we had would result in him telling me to go to a clinic. I felt very pressured by him and I was also scared that all my health problems would make it even more difficult for myself to get through a pregnancy. I went and had a termination at eight weeks. To this day I regret doing so and that is something that I don't know if I can ever forgive him for pushing the issue. Ultimately it was my decision, but I was and am easily influenced by others. For months and months that is all I thought about and how much I would have loved to have a baby and I learned through speaking to my cardiologist that it would have been safe to be on cardiac medication and to carry a child if I were closely monitored. About a year later (March 2013) my husband gave in and I became pregnant. For the first two years of our relationship I was the only one who worked. My husband would say how it is dumb to drive far to work and that he couldn't find anything worth while. Our same issues continued which are that he moved away from his mom to a town he hates where there is nothing to do and he was only seeing his son every weekend rather than every other week. Last July he interviewed for a job because he wanted to feel "self-worth" and he was offered the position. This meant that he would spend three months away from home, two and a half hours away to receive training for his new job. During this time I am pregnant, have the cardiac issues, and we moved to a house that my parents purchased for us to live in. He was excited to move into a home and for his son to have his own bedroom, but he still hates the town we moved to. It's the neighboring town to where we were living in my small two bedroom apartment. Fast forward to December of last year and my husband begins to have generalized anxiety and panic disorder because of his job. His doctor wrote him off work because of his condition progressing and leading to suicidal thoughts. At this time the baby also had to be delivered because the artery leading to the placenta was narrowing and the baby wasn't continuing to grow. All is fine with baby and we come home two days later to our home where now neither of us are working. I am on maternity leave and he was "off work" until meds could help his condition. I also should mention I hold no hostility towards him for not working the majority of our relationship. I believe that love is most important and our bills are paid by my employment. Well after I came home from the hospital I was readmitted for supraventricular tachycardia. Two more days in a hospital and I was released and told the hormones from pregnancy caused the episodes (the baby not even a week old). I started having severe headaches and excoriating pain. I've had all sorts of neurological symptoms since having my daughter and have been bed ridden for the most part for the past four months. I suffered and went back to work part time for a month. During the last four months my health has taken a turn for the worse and I have been seeing doctor after doctor. I'm trying to care for my two daughters and his son (who now only comes every other weekend because his mother decided to move 2 1/2 hours away from us). Another reason for my husband to be upset because that is even less time than he had before with him. I have been losing hope that a doctor would figure out my problems since three have brushed me off as postpartum depression. That is until I found this website last week. I posted all my symptoms on here and was told that I am suffering from a post lumbar puncture headache and need a blood patch. I have made an appointment with my family physician to bring this to his attention and see if having a blood patch resolves my problems. Speaking of problems all my "problems" and all my husbands "problems" are creating a very depressing environment. I'm not allowed to return to work until my family doctor figures out what is going on with me because of my disabling vertigo and my husband is severely depressed and anxious. He says that it is all situational because our relationship isn't doing well, we argue over parenting, he hates where we lives, and neither of us are working right now. We are living off our savings, which will only last until August of this year. I don't know if it is too late to save our marriage and if it is too complicated to fix or if this is something we can sort through together. We have been having problems shortly after we married in 2011. 2. His qualifications and your qualifications? My husband graduated form a school called Wyotech with an associates degree in business and auto mechanics. I graduated from a local community college with an associates degree in health care management, but was working at my older daughters school providing childcare for a little more than minimum wage. 3. His current job and salary? (Is the salary enough for the family?) No job, no salary, no self-worth 4. After marriage how many times he changed jobs? He left his job when we were first married and has only worked one for approximately six months. We met in July 2010, became official in October 2010 and married in July 2011. 5. How is your sex life? ugh! My sex drive used to be worse than any man I knew. I would constantly want to engage and my husband has less "needs" in the area of affection and sex than I would like. Over the years I have been rejected so many times or gave affection to receive nothing in return, I have just pretty much given up. I have no sex drive and don't really enjoy it, although I am not sure that I ever really did. It was never "blow your mind" kind of sex. He isn't passionate/romantic so I didn't feel as "high" off sex as I did in my previous relationship. I knew that he wasn't able to pleasure me the way I would have been previously, but "sex" wasn't #1 on my priority list and his other qualities outshined this negative one. 6. How was your husband's behavior before marriage? I think my husband wanted to impress me more. He did give me more affection/attention than he does now, but it was never as much as I would want. 7. How your husband behaves in frustrating situations outside family? He gets upset, starts a huge debate, is stubborn and then just closes up completely. 8. Do you have dinner outside home? If yes, how many times in a month? If now do you know why? Yes we eat out at least once a week. Mainly because I have been struggling with my health and it is just easier to order food. 9. Do your husband appreciate your cooking? My husband appreciates my cooking when I actually take the time to make a meal. I cook fairly simple, but he has always enjoyed my meals. 10. Relationship with you and his parents and he and your parents? Oh my! My in-laws are nice, but I used to work with my mother-in-law and I saw a side of her that I don't like. She is very two-faced and talks behind other peoples backs. She is very immature and "makes fun" of some of the people she works with, but is nice to their face. It almost seems like she acts like a teenager. She had a good relationship with my husbands ex-girlfriend (the mother to his son). His ex would often stop over or call and they would do things like let her borrow their vehicle, ask her to stay for dinner, and talk frequently over the phone. I had and continue to have no huge desire to be close to my mother in law because of this. She would tell my husbands ex my personal business and I did not like that. Now that my husbands ex has moved away and has taken her grandbaby away from her she talks all kinds of crap about her. Calls her names, says she is psycho, yet my husbands ex (who is now married and has another child) still "hangs out" and her son with her new husband calls her GRAMMY! My step father in law is the same, he calls my husbands ex frequently and they both facebook with her. My sister in law and brother in law that live in Boston spend more time with my husband's ex and her husband than they do with us when they come to visit. My husband thinks the world of his mother and there are so many times that I would like to say how I really feel, but he would get upset and would not believe the things I have observed of his own mother. I know this is wrong of me to say, but I'd rather my four month old daughter not have a strong relationship with his parents...I have no desire to live anywhere near his parents, and while I am nice, I would rather not go "hang out" at their smelly house either. My husband does not have a good relationship with my parents. They are nice to each other, but my parents aren't very social. We don't go over for holidays, we don't have dinner, fires, hang out, nothing. Their house is very cluttered and always under construction there is no where to sit. My parents are very supportive of me, but we don't have a social connection with them. My husband says my dad is crazy and my mom is a bitch. Everyone is tolerant of each other I guess you could say. My dad and husband butt heads a lot. They both have very different views and are very stubborn and don't have an open mind. 11. Do your husband has any girlfriends? Do you have any boyfriends? No, my husband is not the type to cheat. I don't have any boyfriends, but occasionally a "guy friend" will message me on facebook. This person is now married and has a baby on the way, but he completely adored me and was the other option when I just hanging out with my now husband. I chose my husband because he seemed more stable, I wanted something new in my life and at the time I thought it was the best fit. Now sometimes I question my decision. I feel like I require more affection than he will ever provide. I have never cheated on him, just exchange conversation with this person. Our talk is usually about life, our kids, how is everything going. No comments or talk of us meeting up or getting together. That is not an option. I will not cheat, but sometimes I think to myself, "what if". What if I chose this other person, how would life be. 12. Do he possess large aspirations about career? My husband doesn't really have an aspirations. He acknowledges a problem, but he and I don't know where to begin or how to resolve any of this. He would like to find a job where he can feel self worth and provide for his family. We are a hot mess!!