Hi there ~

I understand your concerns. I believe your wife had a surgical procedure to bring the baby out called cesarean section. The same rule applies to women who’ve experienced a caesarean birth, as to those who birth vaginally. You resume sexual relations with your partner when you feel ready. Before you do, though, organise with your GP/Ob. what sort of contraceptive you will be using, as it’s a good idea to give your body a reasonable amount of time to physically heal from your caesarean before becoming pregnant with your next child. Your childbirth professional will be able to advise you what time frame this involves, in regard to the latest research available.

You may have to be inventive with the positions used during sex, to prevent pain, or pressure, on the wound area. And your partner should be prepared to stop if you do not wish to continue, so it may be worthwhile discussing this possibility with him prior to initiating sex.

The wound, and the area surrounding it, may remain numb for months (may be up to a year) after the surgery. This is due to nerve stretching, or damage, resulting from the incision, and surgical trauma to the area. Feeling should eventually return.

It may be a good idea to explain this numbness to your partner, as it can be disturbing to be touched, or caressed, on this numb area. Women may also find it impossible to wear tight clothes, for this reason, as the cloth rubbing on the numb area can actually cause nauseous sensations.

Please remember that if breastfeeding, then the lowered oestrogen levels (whilst breastfeeding) may reduce vaginal secretions that are normally present during sexual activity. If this is the case, then you may need to purchase a water-based lubricant gel to replace your natural secretions and enable sex to be more enjoyable.

Also realise that it is normal for you to feel very tired. You have just experienced major abdominal surgery and all the emotions that surround such an experience, as well as possibly experiencing some labour, and your body is healing physically and emotionally. You have a little baby to care for, that is demanding a lot of your time and energy (day and night!) You will spend so much of your energy nurturing your baby that you may feel emotionally ‘all out of nurturing’ by the time you hop into bed at night. This is the time that you will enjoy either a good sleep, or a little nurturing yourself (i.e., gentle massage, a big cuddle, etc) and sex sometimes just seems too hard. Your partner may not understand this, especially if your loss of interest lasts a long time, but it will help if you can explain these aspects to himÉ It may encourage him to help a little more, and cuddle a little more. If he becomes more supportive, you may find yourself becoming more attracted to your lovely man, all over again!

One other thing that may cause a loss of interest in sex is depression. This can be caused by either:

Hormonal problems – true postnatal depression. Please mention it to your professional caregiver for advice/diagnosis.
Grief – if you did not wish to birth by caesarean it is normal to grieve for the loss of experiencing natural birth
Type of ‘Post Traumatic Stress’ reaction, especially if the caesarean occurred in an emergency situation, or in a sudden or emotionally/physically traumatic way.
Whichever of these you may be experiencing, you should seek some help (it’s good to try counselling first, after checking with your medical caregiver) in overcoming the feelings that these reactions to your caesarean, or the birth of your child, will be causing.

It’s hard to truly ‘enjoy’ your new baby, when you are struggling to overcome feelings of anger, frustration, resentment, etc. Please realise you are not alone in feeling this way, though sometimes you may search desperately for understanding. Again, if your partner is understanding of what you are experiencing, and what you need emotionally and physically, then that will really help you both build a stronger relationship as you learn how to work together in parenting your new child.

I hope this helps. Take care and have a lovely day!

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