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Got back pain. On medication mood stabilizers and anti depressant. Taking valium. Suggestions?

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Practicing since : 1980
Answered : 13 Questions
hi i resently got back from japan . i have been dating a japanese girl for about three years . i will tell you first of all that i have bi pola . this i do not excuse my actions . i feel guilt a lot of shame and am having a lot of trouble understanding my own feelings. i met my girlfrind i n australia . i am 30 year old australian and my partner a 21 year old. my partner is very beautiful but not confident . she is very sweet and and has been more forgiving and accepting of me than anyone i have ever met . i have cheated on her in the past a couple of times when we were together in australia . it was followed by a feeling of devastation and shame. i told her i think this was for 2 reasons because i can't live with the guilt and also because i wanted her to know that i have cheated and won't to give her option to either forgive me or leave me . i do believe that i met her for a reason . when i was in japan we were not using protection and were both aware that we may conceive a baby . which at the time seemed like a good idea. i do have trouble with my mood swings and sometimes just need my own space. when i japan i was taking valium but was also drinking a lot . i am on medication mood stabilisers anti deppresent and i also use pot in australia. i was using valium in japan so i wouldn't get moody in japan. in australia when we lived together for about 2 years we argued a lot . i would constanly change my mind and want to break up and then a few days later would change my mind . when i would lose my temper she would get scared . our sex life i think was also in trouble and would think about other girls while having sex with my partner. anyway about five months ago she went back to japan. we broke up for a about a month and then started con taking each other again. between the period of me going back to japan i did not sleep with anyone else and did not have the desire to . before going back to japan i was going to buy wedding ring and and ask her to marry me. i constantly change my mind so i thought not to do so . i do feel a real connection with her on a couple of occasions i japan i got so emotional about how much i do love her and did cry on a couple of occasions because when it comes to understanding her i rely do on a level which i truly believe no one else ever will. people take advantage of her and judge her before even knowing her . i will als mention last couple of days my drinking got the better of me and i was out with her brother and i cheated on her having unprotected sex with another to women her brother is aware of this because he was also with one of the girl. i feel like i have rely disrespected her in a big way it also makes me sad that her brother was involved . i am very worried about her and her future and happiness and though she doesn't know the full story of what happened in japan she still wants to marry me and have my children one day . at the moment she is in japan working a job she doesn't enjoy and totally confused as am i what to do about our ralashionship and of course as am i . a little advice would be nice rite now .
Posted Sat, 28 Sep 2013 in Mental Health
Answered by Dr. U. Gauthamadas 2 hours later
Brief Answer:
You require to take proper treatment

Detailed Answer:
As you have pointed out the Bipolar Affective Disorder is not an excuse for your actions, your mood swings, your guilt, your depression, your crying spells etc. However, you have to understand that your illness IS giving rise to all this. You have to take regular and continued medication to keep your BPAD under check. This has to be done under under regular supervision by a psychiatrist. So kindly consult your psychiatrist immediately and get proper treatment.

As for having slept with another woman, I applaud you for being honest with your girl. These things can and do happen. After all you are human. In the future do not put yourself into a situation that can even lead to cheating. You can't undo the past, all you can do is mitigated future risk. It is really going to take some time to get through to the other side of this thing. You will need to be very strong and patient. If you truly love her and want to heal the hurt, you will have to be more strong, patient, loving, open, honest, and communicative with her than you ever have been. You may have to endure mistrust. That is not easy, but it is required if you want to save your relationship and move toward better intimacy with her.

As for drinking, FOR YOU, that is an absolute NO NO. Especially since you are on medication. Alcohol and BPAD do not go together. I suggest you avoid alcohol from now.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Got back pain. On medication mood stabilizers and anti depressant. Taking valium. Suggestions? 1 hour later
when you saying to be honest does that include what happened in japan in full with the other women. or would it be better to not say anything. i did actually tell her that i cheated on her but it was in an argument and i dont think she believed me . i feel shocking and dont want to hurt her anymore than i have to .
Answered by Dr. U. Gauthamadas 22 hours later
Brief Answer:
Leave it be

Detailed Answer:
Since you have already told her you have cheated on her, whether she believes it or not, just let it go. Later, if she wants details you can tell her
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
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