Question: My boyfriend lives overseas and used to constantly contact me now it is 4 weeks that his mother passed and he contacts every day but very little, to say hi, chat a little, and then say good night but it could be anytime of day so I stay near the computer and always look at my cellphone. This is not healthy. Is he just stressed and I have to adjust? I am sad that he is in control. He will not say honey I will be able to talk at this time. Now I do not know when he will contact me. It is more difficult on the weekend. During the week I work. I have a good job, plenty of friends but coping with this..is driving me crazy. I was fine in the relationship until he changed the pattern. I understand he is grieving and has lots to do but he will not reassurance except when I say should I worry ...he says no. but then he jokes and say maybe i dont know i let you know....and I said you changed and he said you too. Should I just be more patient? This anxiety is crazy...it is truly like you cannot breath and your heart is being ripped apart. I forgot to add he is a married man but we love each other a lot and it is now 4 years. I guess I did not feel as anxious before in the realtionship but he was always after me, either through calls, texts, instant message, emails, etc. I even got a unlimited landline phone plan to call from north XXXXXXX to europe. Now I am angry at myself but cannot function properly and my thoughts run wild. Can you help? Just yesterday I thought I must have some disorder because if I was stronger I would give him time let him change his pattern and if I was truly upset I would leave him but I love him and as time passes I find it harder to leave but if we will not leave his wife, how much time do I give him and in the meantime time is passing......I love him a lot. Thanks

Thanks

Thank you for your reply. I think I am overthinking everything because I feel that actions speal louder than words but knowing that he is going through a change I feel I should be patient. My next question is what I should do next. I am with a married man who has one child 8 yrs old and I have 2 that are older 16 and 18. Over the past 3 years he is always after me but has told me in the past that I am sentimental and emotional and he does not like that. I try but I realized that I get insecure when I feel that we wont be together. So my question is to I just joke with him, stay calm, keep my emotions to myself and talk about them at a later time and not often....will that change things...I just hate myself now thinking that in addtion to his grief I have told him too much about my emotions......help me as I am kind but scared to lose him.....tks

I feel very sick to my stomach now. What can I do to cope with this change in my boyfriend, be patient, stop being emotional and wait to see where it goes?
How long I wait is another question. The way I see it if this man really loves me he will be there for me and not leave me. Unless something happened. The fact that he communicates with me every day I feel like it is more the griefing he is going through. I will not ask any emotional questions and just be cool with him. Also, note that he is German and I am italian......he definitely loves my passion for intimacy.....now I have to keep quiet and let things go back to normal, if possible. Do you have any other suggestions? I hate feeling this helpless and sad. Thanks...it feels like rejection and how can that be when someone loves you....???